Donna Cardillo - Falling Together: How to Find Balance, Joy, and Meaningful Change When Your Life Seems to be Falling Apart

Donna Cardillo shares her personal journey, and the lessons shes learned along the way, authentically and generously. This book will inspire women to practice self-reflection and self-care to discover the profound opportunities and lessons their own lives hold for them too.

Michelle May, M.D., author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat

In this beautiful book, Donna inspires us by telling her life stories of struggle and finding herself, through both common and uncommon journeys of life. Every reader will find moments in the book that their hearts and minds can not only relate to, but feel empowered by hearing Donnas ability to navigate and overcome with grace. The lessons learned at the back of each chapter are particularly inspiring, you will find a gem in each lesson. Definitely a book for every woman.

Dianne Maroney, RN, MSN; author; founder of The Imagine Project

I was most touched by the sheer resiliency and determination that is at the heart of Donna Cardillos life story. No matter what life catapulted her way, she found a way to use her own resources, and those of others, to get through. Even better, the lessons she learned from each challenge embedded themselves within her and moved her successfully forward. Highly recommended for any woman looking to find her way in this journey we call life.

Flo Schell, EdM; founder: Perceptive Coaching Systems; visionary artist

Copyright 2016 by Donna Wilk Cardillo

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2016
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1-63152-077-8
eISBN: 978-1-63152-078-5
Library of Congress Control Number: 015960986

Book design by Stacey Aaronson

For information, address:
She Writes Press
1563 Solano Ave #546
Berkeley, CA 94707

She Writes Press is a division of SparkPoint Studio, LLC.

Welcome to Holland 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

In memory of my father, Stanley E. Wilk, the ultimate resilient spirit.

Sometimes good things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.

MARILYN MONROE

EVERY ONE OF US WILL FACE CHALLENGES, CHANGE, AND even a crisis of self at numerous times in our lives. Whether we are faced with illness, divorce, aging, or debilitating low self-esteem, each struggle will offer us a choice: we can fall apart or we can grasp hold of the opportunity to build something new, become more alive, and fall together as a new, stronger whole.

It was during one of my most significant life challenges that I first conceived of writing this book. A year and a half earlier, my husband had been diagnosed with a life-altering illness. Inside of the seemingly never-ending devastation, sadness, and grief that followed, I began to notice threads of light reentering my world, reminding me that my life still held beauty and promise. Feeling as though I had crossed a threshold and was now on the other side of darkness, I thought, Someday Im going to write a book about this experience. I wanted to let others who were going through hard times, unexpected life changes, and seemingly insurmountable obstacles know that there is always a way through. But it would take another twenty years, and a lot more living, to bring me to this point. That transition of finding the light again in my own life was just the beginning of my real journey, one that every woman must embark on the journey to find her own inner warrior, confront her past, and fully embrace her future.

Over the last twenty years as a registered nurse, speaker, columnist, author, seminar and retreat leader, and coach, Ive had the privilege of meeting and hearing from thousands of women who have shared their lives trials and triumphs with me. While doing this work, I became aware that while some women seem to eventually learn to move forward with their lives, embrace change, and even thrive in the face of hardship, others become incapacitated by the same set of circumstances. This both saddened and puzzled me, since the women in the latter group tend to be just as intelligent, passionate, and talented as those in the former group. All had dreams for their futures, but many had given up on themselves and their dreams. I discovered that those women who seemed to struggle the most had simply not yet found the support, resources, inspiration, and information they needed to rise above their challenges, and in some cases move forward with them or in spite of them. I have been both of those women at different times in my life the one who felt incapacitated and the one who thrived.

Falling Together is about my own process of learning resiliency. Its about my metamorphosis from a woman who was insecure, scared, and self-loathing, into someone who was able to take charge of her life not by miraculously solving all her problems, but by learning to live with them, learn from them, and grow.

I have written this book in the hope that other women will benefit from reading my stories and learning about my path. When we tell our stories we create a sense of community with one another, a bond, a partnership. We share in each others humanity and join our collective voices to gain strength, wisdom, and insight. As I travel the world sharing my stories and the lessons Ive learned with my audiences, women come up to me afterward and say things like:

Yes, my story is similar.

You said out loud what I have often thought or felt.

Thank you for validating my experience.

I now have a new perspective on my own situation after hearing about your experiences and how you dealt with them.

I now have the courage to tell my own story.

Over the years I have learned that every woman has a warrior within her, along with unique gifts to bring forward into the world. But often we get derailed on our journey to live an authentic life, one where we come to know ourselves and be true to who we are. My sincere hope is that this book will help you to find courage, inspiration, balance, happiness, and meaningful change in your own life, even when it seems to be falling apart, to continue that journey and light up the world in the process.

Honor your challenges, for those spaces that you label as dark are actually there to bring you more light, to strengthen you, to firm your resolves, and to bring out the best in you.

SANAYA ROMAN

THE YEAR OF MY FORTIETH BIRTHDAY, I EXPERIENCED WHAT I can only describe as a spiritual crisis. I had a great husband, a nice house, and a supportive family, yet I felt completely lost, confused, and depressed. In other words, I looked good on paper to someone on the outside looking in, but I was unhappy with myself and where I was in my life.

For months, Id been focusing on all the negative aspects of my life and self. I was thinking about all the things Id done that I wished I hadnt, and all the things I wished Id done but didnt. Overweight and out of shape, I had developed a frumpy look. I was living in oversized flannel shirts and sweatpants daily. My hair was limp and amorphous, much like my body. Id been crying almost daily about some past or present hurt or disappointment and withdrawing from social situations. I hadnt gone clothes shopping in several years, so I didnt have anything nice to wear even if I did want to go out. In hindsight, I think it was an excuse to stay isolated: Gee, Id love to go with you, but I dont have anything to wear. It was also a symptom of how invisible I felt in my own space. Why pay attention to my appearance when theres nothing to take notice of anyway?