Arlene Stein - Unbound: Transgender Men and the Remaking of Identity

Ben sits in the waiting room of a plastic surgery clinic at a strip mall in South Florida. It is eight in the morning, and he barely slept the night before. Drawn by word of mouth and the power of the Internet, he has driven 1,500 miles to see a surgeon who will masculinize his chest. Ever since the surgery was scheduled six months ago, hes been counting the days until he can look in the mirror and see a flat chest. Now its nearly here, and his excitement is palpable. A high-energy twenty-nine-year-old who spent ten years as a photographer in the extreme water sports industry and as a political organizer before deciding to return to college, Ben calls himself a super-late bloomer.

Bess, as he was then known, short for Elizabeth, befriended a couple of transgender men while working on a campaign for marriage equality in Maine, where he lived. He felt a sudden frisson of recognition, which led him to wonder whether his lifelong feelings of estrangement from his body and his femaleness meant he was transgender. So I think Im having a gender crisis, he told his good friend Allison. Dude, OMG, that makes perfect sense, she replied. Youve always hated your boobs.

During the next year, Ben underwent a process of soul-searching that led him to undergo a gender transition. He asked his friends and family to call him Ben while he went on testosterone, investigated the possibility of surgically modifying his body, and posted the following on a crowdfunding website:

Hello there! My name is Ben Shepherd. Im a trans man (meaning I was born female-bodied but identify as a man) and I am working to raise the funds necessary for me to have reconstructive chest surgery. This is important to me because it is the one area of my life that causes severe anxiety and often bouts of deep depression. I am currently a large chested person which means its very difficult for myself and others to view me as the man I feel I am. I can rarely fit into mens dress shirts, even when wearing a binder. In order to wear dress shirts and other clothing that I feel more comfortable in I need to wear a binder which flattens my chest, but it also restricts my breathing and can be incredibly painful to wear. Even as painful as it is to wear, it is often more comfortable than going without it. Often, Ill wear my binder for over twelve hours out of necessity, the recommended max time for wearing a binder is at most 68 hours.

The good news, there is a remedy for this dysphoria. There are surgeons all across the country that perform the kind of chest reconstruction that I am looking to have done. I am saving to go to Dr. G. in South Florida as he is one of the best in the country at one of the most affordable price points. Dr. G. has an estimated cost of roughly $7,000 with all the hospital and surgical fees included. Once the surgery is complete I have to return to Dr. G.s office a week later to have him remove the dressings and drains. During that week post op I will be heavily medicated and wont be able to lift my arms so I will need someone to care for me during this time. This means that in addition to the $7,000 for the surgery I need to raise $1,500 to cover the travel for myself and one other person for one week from Maine to Dr. G.s office in South Florida. Once my top surgery is complete I will feel like my whole self and my transition will feel complete. That means the total I need to raise is $8,500. Ill start by making the $8,500 the goal on this site and as I personally add money to my savings account for top surgery Ill decrease the total goal to accurately reflect whats left to raise.

My goal is to raise these funds by April 5, 2015, so that I can have my surgery on May 11, 2015 (Dr. G. requires full payment 4 weeks before the surgery date).

Every little bit helps, thank you so much for your kindness and generosity,

Ben

Over the course of ten months, eighty-six peoplefriends, family members, fellow activists, former schoolmates, and even a few people Ben had never metcontributed an average of $35 to help finance the surgery, and Ben put the remaining $4,000 on his credit card. Bob and Gail, his parents, agreed to drive from Maine to Florida with Ben, and used points they had accumulated through a Disney Vacation Club timeshare to book a hotel for the weeklong stay. Gail is a fifty-five-year-old middle school principal; Bob is a meteorologist with the National Weather Service.

On the eve of the drive south, Ben recorded a video of himself in a baseball cap, with a wispy mustache, and announced their departure with a big grin: On the road!!! Headed south for the big surgery!!! Thank you all SOOO much for all your love and support. I cant thank you all enough. I really am one of the luckiest humans on the planet!! He and his parents narrated the Bye-Bye Tatas Trip, as Ben affectionately dubbed it, for friends and family. Ben and his dad tag-teamed, driving through the night without stopping to complete the twenty-three-hour journey. Along the way, there are posts from the Waffle House in Stephens City, Virginia, and a Dunkin Donuts in Hardeeville, South Carolina. When they arrived in Vero Beach, Florida, Ben mugged for the camera, offering a big thumbs-up.

The drive down from Maine was taxing, but the emotional journey was far more arduous, as it is for most who undergo gender transitions. When I meet them in the doctors office, Bob and Gail are sleep deprived. While Gail has come to terms with her childs choice, Bob seems more ambivalent about the whole thing. As Gail recalls, Ben told his parents he wanted to look the way he feels. Hes never been girly, and often went to great, often unsuccessful lengths to perform femininity. Five years earlier she told us she was dating someone named Joe, Bob tells me She didnt tell us what sex Joe was, but I figured it out. Joe was Jo. His high school friends said, Finally! They could sense it.