Wes Crenshaw - I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD and ADHD

I ALWAYS WANT

TO BE

WHERE IM NOT:

SUCCESSFUL LIVING WITH ADD AND ADHD

WES CRENSHAW, PHD ABPP

Copyright 2014 Wes Crenshaw. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission from Family Psychological Press, except in the case of brief quotation embodied in other articles or critical reviews and with proper citation of the original publication.

eReader Note: When returning to the main text from footnotes contained inside bulleted and numbered lists, some eReaders may lose the original formatting of the list. Simply swipe back one page and the format will reset. Footnoting is still an imprecise science in the world of eBooks and Ive done my best to make them work here as they do in the original paper text.

Published in the United States of America by

The vignettes in this book are based on actual clinical cases seen over twenty-two years of practice. Identifying details have been disguised in such a way as to meet American Psychological Association Ethical Guideline 4.07 (www.apa.org) for publishing case examples. When I thought the veil might be thin enough for a client to recognize himself or herself, I asked for and received permission to publish the vignette with the understanding that it contained enough changes to protect confidentiality. The vignettes were selected to represent a broad sample of the many different kinds of cases we commonly see in clinical practice with clients having ADD and ADHD.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

In this book, Dr. Wes Crenshaw, Board Certified Couples and Family Psychologist, uses his many years of experience treating the ADD and ADHD population to offer thirteen clear and wise principles for coping with this often frustrating condition. In entertaining and informative vignettes Dr. Crenshaw mines his clients struggles and triumphs to illustrate the kinds of behaviors and challenges that hinder those with ADD and to show how, with the help of a mentor, medication, and the application of his thirteen principles, they can transform their lives.

Although this book is meant as a therapeutic self-help tool for an ADD client and his or her therapist or mentor, as it turns out, Dr. Crenshaws thirteen principlesoften punctuated with fun pop culture referencesare good advice for all of us whether or not we have ADD. Just as Harry Potters Professor Dumbledore exhorts the students of Hogwarts to make the choice between what is right and what is easy, Dr. Crenshaw teaches his clients that the hard road is often, ultimately, the more rewarding path. He counsels patience and perseverance while acknowledging that for those with ADDwho must expend so much more effort and discipline than the average person in order to complete a taskthe rewards will be gruelingly hard won. Fortunately, Dr. Crenshaws formulas and advice provide readers with a handy road map to keep them on track and on task while they calculate the wisest course. If the only guidance the reader takes away from this book is a profound understanding of Crenshaws Formula Hard Path -> Easy Life, Easy Path -> Hard Life , his or her money will have been well spent.

As we are invited into the intimate and heartbreaking challenges of Dr. Crenshaws therapy sessions, we see graphic examples of the severe debilitation many ADD clients suffer. They find it difficult to complete their educations, keep jobs, maintain relationships, or even manage their households. As we watch them founder, as we see so many of them lose heart and start to go under, Dr. Crenshaw is there with uncompromising support and wisdom, throwing out the lifesaver that can help tow them back to shore. Make no mistake; this often takes the form of very tough love, like a boot camp for people with ADD, and readers whove never experienced a directive therapy, may be taken aback. But when a clients entire life has been compromised by ADD and his or her future happiness is threatened because of it, Dr. Crenshaws blunt take-no-prisoners guidance and thirteen principles could be the deciding factor between failure and success.

This same pragmatism is also to be found in his pithy and well-reasoned response to deniers who eschew medication. To those and others who perceive this as a disease of character rather than chemistry Dr. Crenshaw replies ADD doesnt care whether you believe in it or not. Its no more faith-based than are diabetes or kidney stones. He solves the mystery of the uptick in both diagnosis and treatment of ADD as a result of the complicated lives we lead in a modern world that is so unforgiving of disorganization.

As a psychologist, Dr. Crenshaw focuses mostly on the mental and emotional aspects of ADD which he then very helpfully breaks down and restructures into the kind of practical advice that can help to save jobs and relationships. As a Professional Organizer specializing in an ADD clientele I was particularly impressed with Dr. Crenshaws sound advice on organizational systems. Not only does he stress minimalisma therapeutic necessity that I have been preaching to my clients and in my books for yearsbut he lays out some concrete steps on how to achieve it.

But mostly this book is a chart for the therapeutic journey that ADD sufferers must embark on if they are going to achieve the success in relationships, schooling, and jobs that we all desire. The thirteen principles and their practical solutions provide a game plan for tackling the challenges of this condition. Obviously a book this size cannot provide detailed advice on every challenge, but it can serve as a broad template which the client and mentor can then customize to meet individual needs. As such, it offers a clear and experienced guide for those who suffer from ADD on how to live with it and ultimately how to triumph over it.

Susan C. Pinsky, author of Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD

IS THIS BOOK FOR ME?

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

William Jennings Bryan

I often tell new clients diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Some have put off getting help. Others have tried treatment before, but havent gotten out of it quite what they were hoping for.

And then there are those who dont yet have a diagnosis. Many of those folks are coming to be evaluated for ADD. Others know something is wrong, but dont know what it is. They just dont feel very good at some facet of lifeusually school, work, family, or love. Quite a few come at the direction of frustrated family members, spouses, or dating partners, perhaps even close to losing one of those relationships. Some of these clients Ill only see a few times, but for most, this first session will begin an important and lasting relationship unlike any other. Thats what therapy is all aboutmaking a personal connection for change.

I dont want to waste your time, attention, or money either. Im a no-nonsense guy when it comes to getting people the help they need and deserve. So, let me give you a little preview of what youre getting yourself into here. This book goes beyond the basics of ADD and into the nature of how it affects who you are, how you live your life, and how you get along with others.

Over twenty-two years working with thousands of teens and adults, Ive come up with thirteen principles to help you think through who, how, and where you want to be, and chart a course to get there. While the research on ADD is vast and important, its no substitute for getting to know people deeply and honestly and learning how they make it in lifeand just as importantly, how they dont. So, Ive included thirteen diverse vignettes in this book, all based on real cases. The stories range from simple and straightforward, to complicated and severe. Some are kind of fun, others heartbreaking.