Gerri Monaghan - When a Loved One Falls Ill: How to Be an Effective Patient Advocate

MORE PRAISE FOR WHEN A LOVED ONE FALLS ILL

As a trial lawyer, Brian Monaghan stood aloneGovernorGray Davis of California once said he would rather wrestleJesse Ventura than face Brian in trial. In 1998, at the peak of his career, he stood before a massive crowd to receive the Association of Trial Lawyers of Americas most coveted awardthe Steve J.Sharp Public Service Award; he had just been diagnosed with melanoma. Unbeknownst to the audience, he now faced his last case, the greatest trial of his life, his battle for survival.The story of how Brian and his wife, Gerri, conquered cancer should be read by anyone with a life-threatening illness. It will make you laugh and cry. Its the greatest tribute to the power of positive thinking since Norman Cousins wrote of his experiences.

DAVID CASEY, TRIAL LAWYER, FORMER PRESIDENT,THE ASSOCIATION OF TRIAL LAWYERS OF AMERICA

By one of Americas great trial lawyers, the saga of an extraordinary, successful battle against brain cancer. From a devastating prognosis of months to live, this couple tamed the dragon with courage, intelligence, pluck, humor, and yes, luck. It is a story about the industrial-medical complex of America, with its towering strengths and its frailty. But mostly it is about the strength of two good people who never stopped believing that they would survive to enjoy their families, friends, and each other.This is a book for all seasons.

BILL GORHAM, FOUNDER, THE URBAN INSTITUTE, WASHINGTON, D.C.

With When a Loved One Falls Ill, Brian and Gerri Monaghan have hit one out of the park. This is not only a great story, but its a winner when it comes to helping all of us cope with cancer or any other tough medical challenge. A tip of my hat to them both!

DAVE WINFIELD, BASEBALL HALL OF FAMER

How to Be an Effective Patient Advocate

by Gerri & Brian Monaghan

Workman Publishing, New York

A Note to the Reader:

The authors are not, nor do we pretend to be, experts in the medical field. The knowledge we have acquired and the information shared with the reader is based on our experience and our common sense. It is not, and should not be considered, medical advice. We urge you to consult with and seek treatment from a medical professional. Neither the authors nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss, injury, or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestions contained in this book.

Copyright 2009, 2011 by Brian Monaghan and Gerri Monaghan

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced
mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying
without written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in
Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

eISBN 9780761166498

Originally published as The Power of Two, now revised and updated.

Cover photo by Michael Spengler

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for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational
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For details, contact the Special Sales Director at the address below or send
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To each of you who has begun a journey of your own; you are in our thoughts and our prayers.

Because our book is a chronicle of our last thirteen years, space doesnt allow us to give thanks and recognition to all of those who have helped us through this journey. If you are mentioned within these pages, you know that you have played a significant part in our journey. Thank you isnt adequate to express what we feel, but we truly do thank you, and again, we thank you.

To our family, most especially our children, Kathi and Tom Vaughn, Patrick and Roseanne Monaghan, Todd and Jennifer Wortmann, and Mark and Sharon Wortmann, and our grandchildren, Dylan and Kyra Vaughn, Jake Monaghan, Trevor and Cassidy Wortmann, and Riley and Reagan Wortmann: there is simply no way we could have gotten through these last thirteen years without your love and support. You have made the fight worthwhile.

To Gerris Verge family siblings, Carol, Marion, Bill, Helen, and Diane: although thousands of miles separate us, I always know that you have my back. To Susan and Steve Parker: you were with us every step of the way, and it goes without saying that you hold a special place in our hearts. Our love and special thanks to our cousins, Don and Carol OConnell, as well as to friends of old, Pat and Jack Durliat, Arch and Carol Woodard, and Clark and Denise Hodgson. A toast to The Lads for always being there, and especially to the first traveling group: Vince Bartolotta, Larry Broderick, Kim Broderick, Dennis Broderick, Terry Broderick, Tim Broderick, Ed Chapin, Brian Forbes, Chuck Fox, Bill Hall, Noel Hall, John Lynch, Mickey McGuire, Dave Monahan, Mike Neil, Terry OMalley, Mike Reidy, Leo Sullivan, Mike Thorsnes, and Bob Vaage.

And thanks to each of you who at some critical point in our battle stepped in to offer your love and support: Kingsley Aikens, Russ Block, Kim Broderick, Dave and Lisa Casey, Toni and Mark Cincotta, John and Mary Clark, Steve and Rita Conway, Jim Eckman, Emily Einhorn, Lou and Judy Ferrero, Joe and Geri Waranke Kennedy, Jerry and Nancy Kohlberg, Judge Gerry and Laura Lewis, Cathy Lynch, Larry and Stacey Lucchino, Ceci Doty MacNamara, Jeanie and Jim Milliken, Dan and Mary Mulvihill, Debbie Malloy, Elaine and Rich Murphy, Cathy Philips, Sandra Rockhill, Milt and Maria Silverman, and Sue Young Vaage. A special thanks to Gerris empathetic listening post, Judith Oakes. Brians assistants deserve special recognition: Lauren Berry, Shawna Songer, and the best of the best, Vanessa Marshall Praggastis. Brians thanks for their understanding to the Boards on which he serves: the San Diego Padres, Hastings College of the Law, the American Ireland Fund. We recognize and will always miss two valiant warriors who put up a great fight yet still lost the battle, Judy Keep and Bob MacNamara.

A special thank you to John for his generosity in helping us donate our book to cancer patients across the country.

Our thanks to our agent, Linda Chester, whose guidance was instrumental in opening doors for us and for helping us understand the process, and to Karen Olson, who helped give shape to our story and was truly responsible for writing the all-important book proposal. Our thanks to our book doctor, Kyra Ryan, who helped us to tell our story in our own words, yet was able to help craft those words into a book that will be more easily understood by those who need it mostpatients and their advocates. Our thanks to each of the fantastic members of the Workman Publishing team, and especially to Mary Wilkinson, our line editor, Janet Vicario, our book designer, production editor Irene Demchyshyn, and typesetters Barbara Peragine and Jarrod Dyer. And to Susan Bolotin, who believed in the value of our story, and not only understood the role of the advocate but became one on our behalf.

CHAPTER ONE
GET A TUDE

CHAPTER TWO
GET AN ADVOCATE

CHAPTER THREE
ISSUE A CALL TO GENERAL QUARTERS

CHAPTER FOUR
REVEL IN LAUGHTER AND THE LOVE OF FRIENDS