Ginny Hogan - 10 Sept

Contents

Australia

HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd.

Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street

Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia

www.harpercollins.com.au

Canada

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower

22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor

Toronto, Ontario, M5H 4E3

www.harpercollins.ca

India

HarperCollins India

A 75, Sector 57

Noida

Uttar Pradesh 201 301

www.harpercollins.co.in

New Zealand

HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand

Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive

Rosedale 0632

Auckland, New Zealand

www.harpercollins.co.nz

United Kingdom

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF, UK

www.harpercollins.co.uk

United States

HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

195 Broadway

New York, NY 10007

www.harpercollins.com

Contents

1. No, Im not sick today. I just didnt have time to put makeup on.
2. Yes, Im tired. But Im tired every dayyoure just only noticing it today because Im not wearing concealer.
3. No, I dont want to go to a strip club with you.
4. Yes, I watch TV shows other than The Bachelor. And you know what? Liking The Bachelor is fine, OK? It has nothing to do with my job performance! Maybe I just want to understand love!
5. No comment on Margot Robbie.
6. No, I would not like to beta test your new tampon-delivery service. Also, please dont ask me about it on the elevator headed to the thirtieth floor. Also, founding a new company while youre working at this company violates your contract, FYI.
7. No, I wont plan our teams offsite. I planned the last one.
8. Yes, I received the flowers you sent to my hotel room.
9. Yes, Im still married.
10. No, I dont want to diagnose your back fungus.
11. No, Im not thinking about having kids in the next two years.
12. Yes, I plan to keep working once I have kids.
13. No, I dont think its impossible to be a good mother and have a successful career.
14. Yes, I am on birth control.
15. Yes, I bought this at Victorias Secret.
16. No, I dont think Infinite Jest is the most brilliant book ever written. It was good, but a little long.
17. No, I dont want to hear your opinion.
18. No, thank you.
19. No.
20. Ew, no.

• Manicure station on first Fridays.
• A discounted stylist.
• Free birth control.
• Access to a small number of cute single men.
• Access to a large number of single men.
• Egg-freezing. You can always have kids later!
• Free dry cleaning.
• Complementary therapist to ask if you really think right now is a good time to have children. And if you say yes, she (itll be a woman, obviously) will ask again, but this time more slowly.
• A salad bar exactly once a month.
• Free in-house adoption agency. Why not? We can put those kids to worktheres a lot of data that cant be cleaned programmatically.

Perks Tech Start-ups Forgot to Add to Recruit More Women

• Parental leave.
• Equal pay.

Hi, thanks for coming to my training today. Here, were going to teach you all about unconscious biases, specifically those that cause you to touch your female coworkers.

Everyone has unconscious biases. Theyre what make us associate engineering words like build and bridge with men and liberal-arts words like book and emotions with women. We dont have much control over which unconscious biases we havethey were given to us by society, and, according to my therapist and mother, were pretty much stuck with them. But what we do have control over is how we respond to them. We need to be made aware of our unconscious biases so we can stop them from affecting our lives.

For many of you, when you see a woman, you probably have the urge to touch her. This is, in fact, an unconscious bias. Youre biased to believe that touching a woman will make your and her lives better, but Im here to tell you todayit will not. In fact, you will probably get in trouble with the HR department, fired, and then blacklisted from the tech industry. Probably. I dont make the rules. Bad things will happen to her too, but whos paying attention?

Of course, if theres anything I want this training to impart on you, men, its that its not your fault that you want to touch women. Its societys fault. So if youve accidentally grabbed your bosss ass, dont beat yourself up over it! But do be aware of the unconscious biases you have, and do your best to work around them. Even if you fail, I can probably get you off the hook if you at least try. Next up in your schedule is my other training, an Unconscious Bias Training to Teach Men to Treat Their Female Coworkers Like People.

Matt sat down at his desk, disgruntled. Hed been called out in a meeting for speaking over a woman. But you know whatshe wasnt speaking that loudly, so how could it be his fault? Besides, he knew for a fact that he was paid as much as the woman, so his opinion was just as validshe was only, like, a few years more experienced, a decade tops. Sometimes, and he felt guilty for thinking this, but sometimes, only sometimes, he really thought maybe women just made sexism up.

Susan swiveled around in her chair, watching Matts brain waves through her monitor. Goddamnit, she said, theyre onto us.

What?! Lizzie gasped.

The men are starting to figure us out. They know what were doing.

You dont mean...

I do. Theyve uncovered The Sexism Conspiracy.

Lizzie was dismayed. How can this be?!!

I thought that banning the Mens Rights subreddits would be enough, but its not. Their accurate theories have made their way into the mainstream. Men are beginning to realize that theres actually no disadvantage to being a womanthat sexism is a hoax invented by women to get Hollywood to produce more rom-coms.

Lizzie started tearing up. I really thought wed covered our tracks well. I thought giving women less money and fewer rights, sticking them with nearly all the housework, the 2016 presidential election, painful IUD insertionsI thought that would be enough! Do you think they know everything? Do they know about the math

Looks like it. Soon everyone will know that men have actually always believed women can do math, and that women just invented the stereotype so that all female heroines in rom-coms have a consistent quirk.

What about the sound of our voices?

Men are starting to figure out that theyre biologically predisposed to think a person is more intelligent the higher the pitch. In fact, before long, we should expect children to be running companies, much like Mark Zuckerberg, Susan told her.

This comes at a dire time, she continued. We havent had a good romantic comedy since The Big Sick