Graceffa - In real life: my journey to a pixelated world

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Copyright 2015 by Joey Graceffa

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Keywords Press Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

Note to readers: Some names and identifying details of people portrayed in this book have been changed.

First Keywords Press/ edition May 2015

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Interior design by Paul Dippolito

Cover Design and Photography by Van Urfalian

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-4767-9430-3

ISBN 978-1-4767-9431-0 (ebook)

This book is dedicated to all the people who feel alone in the world, and to my loyal viewersI never could have made it without you.

Hello there, everyone! Well, I suppose its just you! Hello there, you. Welcome to my first book. If you arent familiar with me already, my name is Joey Graceffa. Im twenty-four years old, and I make a living posting videos online. (Dont worry, theyre the classy kind =P.) Whether you are a casual viewer or one of my devoted psychopaths, good to see ya again. Anyway, this is the story of my life so far. I get that its kind of odd for someone my age to be writing a memoir, but I feel some responsibility to help inspire and comfort anyone out there who is facing challenges similar to those that I went through. Theres a saying I like to live by: Its not about where you start but how you finish. I think its important to take your experiences and grow from them rather than become a victim of your circumstances. Nothing productive comes from that mind-set.

While writing this book, I learned a lot more about myself, and as hard as it was to relive many moments that I wish could stay buried in my head, in the end its therapeutic for me to release this information into the world.

I have kept a giant part of my life hidden for many reasons, and in this book Im finally going to let it all hang out while giving you a deeper glimpse into all the crazy experiences that have gotten me to where I am today. If there is one thing I hope you and all my other readers can take away from my story, it is to know youre not alone. As much as you feel that no one in the world knows what youre going through, chances are youre wrong. (If youre an alien reading this, Im sorry. No one here can relate to you.) But for real, I cant tell you how many times I felt so alone growing up and kept all of my feelings inside. It was not healthy. In no way am I trying to complain about my life, though. I accept that I had a different upbringing than most other people have, but its made me into the man I am today and I wouldnt change a thing. So without further damn ado, heres everything thats happened so far In Real Life.

I wish I could remember if the lead paint chips that I ate as a child were satisfying to my curious, bored one-and-a half-year-old self. Maybe they tasted so good that swallowing them was worth the torture they caused all the way through high school.

Somehow I doubt it. The way my mom tells it, we were living in an old apartment complex in my hometown of Marlborough, Massachusetts, a small city about forty-five minutes outside Boston best known for literally nothing. Well, thats not exactly true. A lot of shoes were manufactured there for soldiers during the Civil War. I also used to think that the cigarettes were named after the town, but I was wrong.

Anyway, my parents hadnt divorced yet (that fun news wouldnt come until one year later), so at the time, it was my mom, my dad, my older sister Nicole, and me living at home. We had an enclosed back porch that we used as our playroom, and Id sit in front of the windows, doing my fat wobbly toddler thing, pushing around colored blocks and Fisher Price Little People. The paint on the sills was peeling and chipped, and since the windows were often open, the breeze would blow flakes of paint onto my toys. My mom isnt sure how many weeks Id been ingesting the poison, but when she finally walked in and found me going to town on a bunch of little white flecks, she snatched me up and rushed me to the doctor to get tested for lead poisoning.

A normal nontoxic amount of lead in a childs system is under 10 micrograms. According to my blood test, I had 59 micrograms! Math isnt my strong suit (thank you, paint chips), but Im pretty sure thats almost SIX TIMES the recommended maximum. The doctors werent really sure how it was going to affect me, but the big fear was that I would have brain damage. In truth, Im lucky that I didnt end up with anything more severe than a learning disability, though thats not how it would feel while I was dealing with its repercussions for the next twenty years of my life.

From the start of preschool, I had a hard time acquiring basic skills like reading and simple math. My mother had me tested, and the results qualified me for special education classes. I didnt fully understand what that meant for the first couple of years of elementary school. At a certain point each day, Id leave my regular class to go to another one, and I knew that it was a different sort of program, because the other students in it acted differently from the ones in my regular classes. This onewe called it SPED (special education) for shortwas mostly made up of a lot of really hyper kids with ADHD (thats attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), troublemakers, and a few kids with Down syndrome. Looking back, I find it highly strange that the school just lumped everyone with learning difficulties into one class, regardless of their specific educational needs. But the material was taught much more slowly than in the regular class, and it was easier for me to understand.

Though none of us were fully aware of the reason we were together, all of us special education kids were friends. I grew especially close to a girl named Taylor who had mild ADHD. One day while playing tag during recess, I told her that she reminded me of a mouse, and she got really offended. But Id called her that because she was small, and her pretty yellow hair reminded me of Pipsy the Mouse from my favorite video game at the time, Diddy Kong Racing . She quickly forgave me once I explained myself, and we started becoming friends.