Griffin Jennifer - Frugal indulgents: how to cultivate decadence when your age and salary are under 30

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Contents

To the memory of

Lisa Oni Monteleone,

a Frugal Indulgent pioneer, dear friend,

and an early advocate of this book.

And to Justin Powell,

resourceful and generous

a whirlwind of inspiration.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Special thanks to Larry Ashmead, Sharon Bowers, Funda Duyal, Evan Gaffney, Moina Noor, Suzanne Oaks, Andrea Schneeman, Lilian Shia, Darcy Tromanhauser, Jennifer Unter, Lydia Wills, and Elizabeth Wurtzel.

Hearty thanks to Kerry Acker, Jason Bagdade, Todd Beeton, Lisa Berkowitz, the Boloniks, Wesley Brown, Ashok Chaudhari, Anne Cole, Pattie Cronin, Claudia Cross, Dan Cuddy, Airi Dekidjiev, Meaghan Dowling, Janice Easton, Barbara Eaton, Mimi Engel, Carl Ferrero, Lauren Fischer, Julia and Stephen Francis, Diane Frieden, Susan Friedland, Todd Goodale, Amanda Gordon, Mary Gossy, Evie Greenbaum, the Griffins, Jill Grinberg, Kathleen Hackett, David Hawk, Laura Impert, Martha Jessup, Penny Kaganoff, John Kahrs, Ariel Kaminer, Terry Karten, Vikash Lall, Clio Manuelian, Paul Marcarelli, Lisa Mayne, Jerry Orabona, Alicia Ostriker, Tim Parrish, Aisha Piracha, David Rakoff, Robin Raisfeld, Scott Renschler, Lisa Ryers, Jennie Scharf, Sarah Scheffel, Christopher Schelling, Arthur Schwartz, Miranda Schwartz, Phyllis Silverstein, Pamela Talese, Sebastian Trainor, Angelina Cusano Wallent, and Joshua Wilkes for their stories, words of vocabulary, and support.

THAT MAN IS RICHEST WHOSE PLEASURES ARE THE CHEAPEST.

HENRY DAVID THOREAU

I NTRODUCTION

The Frugal Indulgent Manifesto

MONEY CAN DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO IGNORANT PEOPLE.

DIANA VREELAND

When we set out to write this guide, we considered those who most inspired us in our inexpensive pursuit of urban happiness. We analyzed and learned to emulate our role models: Fran Lebowitz, expert in urban wit, cocktail banter, and country home crashing; David Niven, the gentleman Hugh Grant turned out not to be; Sonic Youths Kim Gordon, socially graceful, artistic provocateuse; Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, who never let her glamour guard down; Quentin Crisp, insolvent but exalted; and Diana Vreeland, arbiter of fashion, and fashioner of arbitrary aphorismsto name just a few. From these people and our own clever friends we have learned not only how to survive, but how to do so with style, wit, and grace.

After living in a large city for a few years, we understand a thing or two about urbanity and how to cultivate it. We have no trust funds, no sugar daddies, no family-based financial support, and neither of us has a job that pays more than a minimal wage. While our funds are spotty, our intuition is constant, and yours can be too. Well show you whom to watch, and what to co-opt from them.

Frugal Indulgents discusses the appropriate means of appropriating ways of living; having great intercourse, conversational and otherwise; buying hot couture; differentiating between friends and faux; strengthening your dollar (and we do mean dollar!); and entertaining yourself and others with finesse. Most of all, Frugal Indulgents celebrates liberation from capital: True bouviessence (glamour at all times for all occasions) is, believe it or not, independent of money.

This book is written for aspiring urbanites who are young and hip, smart and liberally educated, provocative, tasteful, and savvy, as well as bereft of the financial resources to create the kind of lifestyles to which they should be accustomed.

We are a generation who, despite media misdepiction, are serious about our careers, serious about our play, serious about our self-representation. We were raised on the misconception that style and money are codependent. We know better now. Cleverness and savvy are the better parts of elegance, and they are at the fingertips of the curious reader. We will show you how our friends have scored lovely low-rent apartments; dressed themselves in the finest threads on a shoestring budget; entertained themselves for hours on ten dollars or less; found ways to appease their screaming libidos with boys and girls alike (sex is free, after all); and fled town for country without having to save pennies all year.

We will teach you how to use expenseploitation the art of milking an expense account, be it yours or a friendsto feed yourself to the gills; culture your pearls of wisdom for cocktail banter; host non-potluck dinner parties without overspending; take in decadent urban scenery by making one martini last a good long time. Most important, we will help you decide when to be frugal and when to indulge. After reading Frugal Indulgents, picking up a few anecdotal tricks of the trade and emulating styles that work, you will feel that you are finally living, not just surviving.

There are certain basic principles that apply to every aspect of life as a Frugal Indulgent. These concern behavior and attitude. Before we begin, we feel it is important that you know where were coming from, so weve penned the Frugal Indulgent Manifesto for your reading pleasure. Follow these rules, and relish your imminently grand lifestyle.

1. Never Act Your Age or Your Income. You may be young and poor, but you are also smart and tasteful. Try to let the latter qualities overshadow the former.

2. Aim High. If you assume you cant fly first class on your budget, you never will. Assume that you deserve the best, and try to get it. Sometimes youll prevail.

3. Exude Confidence. The surer you appear to be about yourself, the surer others will be about you. If you act like you own the place, more often than not you will be treated like the owner.

4. Fake It. If you are not confident, you can fake it. You think you arent fitting in at an event? Think youre not qualified for a job? Not worthy of a date with a fabulous person? Shut up about it and pretend that you are. Chances are you are the only one who knows your shortcomings. If you act the part, you may get away with it.

5. Never Apologize. The souffl has fallen. You ate the salad with the entree fork. Your sofa has seen better days: So what? Apologies put people on edge. Aplomb in the face of adversity puts them at ease. Friends and strangers will admire you for having the silent courage to showcase your quirks. Smile and keep dancing.

6. Be Curious. Read everything. Talk to everyone. Ask questions. The more inquisitive you are, the more information youll gather. As the Schoolhouse Rock people used to say, knowledge is power.

A F EW B ONS M OTS

Cunning Lingo

ACTION FIGURE Those who do not travel light. For example, Gordon considers himself a model/actor/carpenter/lawyer. If we were to market a Gordon doll, he would come equipped with head shot, portfolio, hammer, and laptop in hand.

A IDIOT Pronounced uh idiot. The term for this type of person is grammatically incorrect to stress the dumbocity of the subject. On the continuum of stupidity, this person would probably be found a notch above retarded, a notch below a rube.

BOUVIESSENCE In honor of the queen of grace, this word signifies glamour at all times for all occasions. You run out to get the paper, but not before donning a scarf, sunglasses, lipstick, and mules. So what if you havent showered?