Brooke Baum - Moving Away: The Emotional Side of Leaving

Theres nothing quite like a worldwide pandemic to make you reassess all of your major life choices. As my husband and I scrambled to find a temporary home in New Zealand half a world and an entire day away from our loved ones in the U.S. the realities of living so far from our extended support system really hit us harder than usual. At first, we felt very alone and scared. We worried about when we would see our family and friends again. We desperately wanted to be surrounded by people who would take us in and make sure we were safe. But, after a few hours of feeling sorry for ourselves, we shook it off, looked in the mirror, and reminded ourselves that is not the life we signed up for.

We put our hometown in our rearview all those years ago to find out who we really are, form our own opinions, and lean into our marriage as well as our own personal growth. When we left, it was actually really easy. We didnt feel very connected to many people in our lives at the time. There wasnt much capturing our interests or exciting goals to work toward. Our future in that city just seemed dull.

While most of those things are still true about our hometown, the reason I wanted to hug my people so badly during this crisis is because having space and time away from them allowed us to heal our relationships and stop taking each other for granted. We DO feel connected to so many more people now. Thats not everyones moving away story, but the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder is popular for a reason its often very true.

As Im writing this, it has been almost eight years since we left our hometown in North Florida. Since then, we spent five years living in Colorado, then left to try out RV life, and finally traded our rolling home in for backpacks to travel the world as house and pet sitters. We move often and have experienced that feeling of sadness-tinged excitement each time we leave to make a new home.

With our tendency to move again and again, then return to places we once called home just to leave soon after, we are constantly in the process of making, maintaining, and letting go of relationships. Saying it is complicated is a vast understatement.

The purpose of sharing my experiences and epiphanies in this book is to let others know its okay to be scared, sad, excited, confused, or relieved to leave your hometown, chosen home, or even entire country for a new adventure. Moving away brings on a lot of emotions and they will continue to change along with your view of the world.

Going home to visit may be a chore at first, but may later become a welcome tradition. You may return a much different person than when you originally left. Or you might even decide to move back. While others will choose to move even further (spoiler: US!). Its your choice. And thats the beauty of it.

A few years ago, I wrote a blog post titled Why Youre Not Selfish for Moving Away for the website where my husband and I share our travels, and it has been the single most popular piece of content Ive ever written. While moving to a new place may seem simple on paper, it is very emotionally charged for many especially if they are the first to leave home or their family is against it.

I get messages almost weekly from people who feel like they finally found someone who understands their struggles. While the messages can be heartbreaking, it has also been an absolute joy to know my words can bring another human even a little bit of peace during a difficult life adjustment or inspire someone to chase their dreams. Ive laughed, cried, and nodded along as I read these heartfelt notes that are all too relatable.

However, I only touched the tip of the iceberg in that blog post and have so much more to share. Ive gained many valuable lessons about moving away and experienced many versions of it in the last decade. So, I wanted to put together a more complete guide an outpouring of all my insights for anyone who is struggling with the decision to move, has already left and wants to know they arent alone in their feelings, or for those who want to better understand what this decision may be like for loved ones.

I know that this big life transition can feel lonely and overwhelming at times, but please know, you are not alone. And it WILL get better, but it will also take some work and time.

What they dont tell you about chasing your dreams is that it may be the most difficult thing you do. But, in my case and for many others Ive connected with, it has also been the BEST decision.

One of the biggest questions youll receive when sharing your decision to move will be why? Whether thats to the tune of, Why would you leave this awesome place? or Why would you go so far away from me? or Why would you go through that hassle?

For people who have never moved, it can be a strange concept to wrap their heads around. For the person moving, it feels like your life choices are constantly being critically questioned even if most people are just being curious. Its often a challenge for everyone involved, especially in a country like America where people tend to stay put.

According to the 2018 U.S. Census Bureau Data, only about 14% of Americans moved away in the year prior. Of those, 7.9% moved within their own county, 3.3% moved out of the county but stayed in the same state, and just 2.3% moved to a different state.

Im not usually one to geek out over data, but I was curious about finding more information on the topic of moving away and these statistics kind of blew my mind. While I already knew moving wasnt extremely common in the U.S., I had no idea it was this unlikely.

No wonder moving away feels like uncharted territory as an American it is!

While the U.S. census data does not include information on people who left the country, I can only guess that it is an even smaller number.