David E. Walden - How to Stay Awake During: During Anybodys Second Movement

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title	:	How to Stay Awake During Anybody's Second Movement : Being a Guide for the Average Music Lover to Concert Going
author	:	Walden, David E.
publisher	:	Sound And Vision
isbn10 | asin	:	0920151205
print isbn13	:	9780920151204
ebook isbn13	:	9780585141640
language	:	English
subject	Music appreciation, Concerts, Music--Terminology--Humor.
publication date	:	1996
lcc	:	MT90.W25 1996eb
ddc	:	781.170207
subject	:	Music appreciation, Concerts, Music--Terminology--Humor.

Page iii How to Stay Awake During Anybody's Second Movement Being a Guide for the Average Music Lover to Concert Going David Walden Presents

Page v Table of Contents Four-Wurd Charles Ewart Farquharson vii Question How Often ix Apologia Pro mia booka xi Preface Allow Me to xiii Introduction Music Is a Strange Bird xv Dedication Word of thanks xix Chapter 1 Poplars to Polkas 1 Chapter 2 Wilhemeena's Lament 7 Chapter 3 Booze and Bulbs 10 Chapter 4 Histerical Periods 18 Chapter 5 The Man with the Plates 37 Chapter 6 Conductors Who Needs'em? 47 Chapter 7 Phashion and the Phil 55 Chapter 8 Eye Catchers 63 Chapter 9 How to Sleep Intelligently 67 Chapter 10 Critics and the Clap 86 Chapter 11 Brahms and Gas 95 Chapter 12 "Ya gotta love'em" 100 Chapter 13 What's Hot and What's Not 104 Appendix I A Pronunciation Guide 107 Appendix II Conversational Tips 112 Epilogue Heavenly Droppings 115 Other Works 119 Forthcoming Works 121 Copyright Page 123

Page vii Four-Wurd frum Charles Ewart Farquharson, D.O.P.E. (Doctor of Personal Experience) I mind this Darling perfesser frum hard by Chezlee. In fack, I used to mind him quite a bit when I thot he wuz sweet on Valeda Drain Farquharson, the wife and former sweetheart. The wife and I have relations in Chezlee whenever we're there, and we run into this Darling feller at Rumball family re-on-ions, becuz he wuz a Darling on his father's side, but a Rumball on his mother's. Tho' Valeda wuz a Drain on her father's side and a Boyle on her mother's, she wuz a bit of a Rumball herself, once remove, if you backtracked fur enuff. It wuz from this old Darling that Valeda got her intrust in classified music, the kind played by sympathy orchesters that keeps threttening to tern into a toon, but never duz. On accounta "deer An-ton," she becum a regler harpyist, tuck it up, and kep it up all during our cortship, cuz this so-call perfesser sed he admired her pluck. Thanks to him, she spent a lotta time with yer Parry Sound Filledharmonics and even yer McKellar Chamber Potted Orchester, both of which combine to have a aggravation of over 60, altho' the wife herself wuz only 59. Both them orgy-anizations wuz award the Nobel prize, with Honnerbull menshun frum Mactier. Mind you, after she got into the Holy Acrimony with me, she jist threw up everything, and that harp now hangs in our cream shed, where we use it once in a while fer to cut the cheese. But Valeda never stopped being a vulcher fer culcher. I'm not talkin about cheese when she's moldy, I mean the high

Page viii mucky stuff like them Nashnulized Bellydancers prantsin round in their undywares on the tippy toes. She still lissens to the Grand Old Opry every Sardy afternoon put on by yer Metrapopolitan and other insurance cumpnees. Wen it cums to that Waggoner decomposer, Valeda is a reggler Ringwurm. She kin sit thair all afternoon without going off her rocker lissening to the hole Gotterdammerung thing. She still drags me off to consorts with all that catter-walling at yer Festeral of the Sound that's give in aid of yer Sick and Tired of yer United Church. So I gess this heer Darling book is fer the likes of me. I can't tell yiz if the wife and F.S. drops off between movemints, I'm too bizzy snoring away meself. Valeda herself sez this luvly culchered book is a wake-up call to all the Phyllis Steins that cant sit still wen it cums to immoral music. (Valeda sez the word is immortle, which means it goes on and on furever.) That's the way that hy-toned stuff always seam to me. So my four wurds to you other sleepyheds of culcher clods is "READ THIS HERE BOOK!"

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