Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley - The Mister Rogers Effect

Many have said, We need a Mr. Rogers in our world today. I believe that if you cant find a Mr. Rogers, you can certainly be one. Internalize his message and be a healing, calming presence. I fail miserably, but Im trying.

comment on YouTube video Remembering Mr. Rogers, a video interview with Charlie Rose, televised in 1994

I will never forget the day I had a discussion with my students that would send me on a transformative quest. It was quiet in the large, dark classroom filled with aspiring counselors. I flipped on the fluorescent lights and looked out into the sea of faces. The powerful video clip had ended, and there were a few moments of contemplative silence before sniffles could be heard and tear-filled eyes met mine. After pausing for a moment, I asked, What was it like for you to watch this video of Mister Rogers advocating for public television, addressing Senator Pastore, and talking about how to address anger?

One student raised her hand. With sadness in her voice, she said, I work in inner-city schools where we see children from all sorts of backgrounds, like single-parent homes, poverty, immigration. The kids I work with dont have a Mister Rogers. They have no one to teach them how to regulate their emotions, so they turn to violence. When they get angry, they fight. This was the beginning of a lively discussion.

That evening, while taking my dogs for a walk, I remembered my students words: They have no one. Some children have no safe adult to talk to; they have the sense that no one cares. They fall victim to an adult with no knowledge of how to regulate their own anger, then consequently turn to violence, grow up, and in turn hurt their own children. As kids, they likely longed for an escape from the violence, for someone to rescue them from people who did not know what to do with their angeruntil they, too, adopted their parents ways for lack of an alternative.

I knew I had to do something. I set out on a quest to uncover the psychological principles that Rogers used to transform Senator Pastore from his hostile and angry state of mind to a collaborative, friendly, even admiring ally. Mister Rogers skirted past Pastores defenses to his vulnerable inner child and engaged in authentic connection (we work at unraveling this mystery in more detail in secret 2).

Rogers offered an alternativesomething delightfully incongruent with the path of least resistance. What he offered was hope of a safe world for the young child in all of us and for our children and all the children of tomorrow. Compelled by something beyond myself, I knew I had to use the research tools that I had acquired through my training and the lens of psychology to unpack the mysterious principles that characterized his life and work. I set out to learn all that Mister Rogers embodied and generously offered to those around him. These findings became the source material I used to unravel the top seven psychological principles Rogers used to make a differencelest my students and other adults continue to believe there is no hope for future generations.

Armed with my background in qualitative research, a panel of psychological experts, my own psychological training, and my toolspsychological principles, writing, and storytellingI set out to identify and share the hope that comes with a step-by-step plan that we, Mister Rogerss television neighbors, can use to build a strong tower and refuge to protect the children (and the inner child in all of us). My work begs them not to believe the lie and reveals that there is an alternative; they can work through their anger because there is hope, and there are caring adults who will help them. This theme was one of the most salient concepts that emerged from Mister Rogerss work.

Mister Rogers Spoke to the Neglected and Lonely in Us

Mister Rogers spoke to the neglected inside all of usthe part of us that believes we need to work hard to earn any inkling of love in this world, that believes just maybe if I can work hard enough, produce enough, or be good enough at something, then someone will love me. He reached straight past the expert striver, worker, and producer into a place deep inside of us. He cared deeply for his viewers, or television neighbors as he often referred to us, and he communicated this in every program, wherever he was, and whomever he was with.

His song Its You I Like is a radical message of acceptance and care, and he sang it often, sometimes personalizing the lyrics. When he appeared with comedian Joan Rivers, he improvised the words to match her personality: Its you I like, its not your jokes. And for a young Jeffrey Erlanger, who used a wheelchair, he threw in, Its not your fancy chair. Jeffrey and Joan, from such different walks of life, each appeared awestruck for a moment, shocked with such surprise and wonder that they didnt know what to do. Joan Rivers pulled up Rogerss cardigan sweater, which she had been wearing, around her head and hid for a moment. Then she quickly removed it and smiled at Rogers as he continued singing straight to her heart.

It is as if Rogers knew that simply becoming familiar with someone was shallow water; instead he always pursued the deep dive. He was not satisfied with small talk or just knowing what was on the outside; he pursued true knowing and intimacy with everyone he met.

Rogers could reach the inner orphan, the lost and lonely, the down and out or the high and mighty. It did not really matter who was in front of himhe wanted to search for the good in that person. Perhaps the day he was bullied as a child for his outer appearance was the day he developed new eyes to search for the best in his neighbors and to truly know them. This was demonstrated over and over in his interactions with others both privately and publicly. He started each show by inviting his viewers to belong, to be his neighbors, and he ended each show with expressions of care.