Dowrick Christopher - Can I tell you about depression?: a guide for friends, family and professionals

Can I tell you about Depression?

Can I tell you about?

The Can I tell you about? series offers simple introductions to a range of limiting conditions and other issues that affect our lives. Friendly characters invite readers to learn about their experiences, the challenges they face, and how they would like to be helped and supported. These books serve as excellent starting points for family and classroom discussions.

Other subjects covered in the Can I tell you about? series

ADHD

Adoption

Anxiety

Asperger Syndrome

Asthma

Autism

Cerebral Palsy

Dementia

Diabetes (Type 1)

Dyslexia

Dyspraxia

Eating Disorders

Eczema

Epilepsy

ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

OCD

Parkinsons Disease

Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome

Selective Mutism

Stammering/Stuttering

Stroke

Tourette Syndrome

Can I tell you about Depression?

A guide for friends, family and professionals

CHRISTOPHER DOWRICK AND SUSAN MARTIN

Illustrated by Mike Medaglia

Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia

First published in 2015

by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

73 Collier Street

London N1 9BE, UK

and

400 Market Street, Suite 400

Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA

www.jkp.com

Copyright Christopher Dowrick and Susan Martin 2015

Illustrations copyright Mike Medaglia 2015

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 610 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owners written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.

Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 84905 563 5

eISBN 978 1 78450 003 0

Contents

So what is depression? Its a bit like being sad and tired. Ill tell you about that later, so that you can understand better if it happens to someone in your family, and not worry too much.

First, Id like to tell you a bit about me and my family.

Im 38 years old. I teach history in a secondary school. Im usually well apart from my depression, but sometimes I get bouts of irritable bowel syndrome (sometimes called IBS), which causes pain in my tummy and makes me go to the toilet all the time. I know, euuch!

Jims my husband. We met at college. Weve been married for 15 years now. Hes an accountant with a big company in the city. He is very good with numbers, and looks after all our bills. Hes kind and friendly, though he doesnt really know how to talk about things like how he feels.

We live in a comfortable house, though we have a biggish mortgage to pay off. I enjoy pottering around in the back garden of an evening, planting new flowers and weeding.

We love going on holidays to hot places, especially Spain. Were trying to save up to buy an apartment there as we all like it so much.

We have two wonderful children, Helen and Andy. Helen is 13. Shes very bright. She can speak Spanish better than Jim or me. Shes a bit of a moody teenager these days, and has a great line in put-downs (especially to me). Andy is 11. Maths is his best subject in school. He is mad keen on football. He plays with his mates in the park. Hes a regular on his junior school team (attacking midfielder he tells me, whatever that means). And he goes to all Liverpools home games with his dad.

I think the world of them all, especially the kids. Usually I feel fine, but sometimes everything gets a bit too much for me.

Every few years I become depressed for a couple of months. Im going to tell you what thats like, and how best to handle it.

When Im depressed the main thing Im aware of is how horrible I feel.

I feel totally fed up, unhappy and miserable. Everything seems dark and grey. All colour has drained out of the world.

Sometimes it seems like Im stuck inside a big thick bubble. I can see through the bubble all right to see whats happening but everything and everyone outside seems distant and remote. I feel cut off.

Sometimes I feel scared and frightened as well, because I cant understand or control whats happening to me. At other times I dont even feel sad; I feel nothing at all. Its as if Im empty inside; there is nothing in there.

I cant be bothered with anything when Im depressed. I dont enjoy life. Nothing is interesting, not even my beautiful children or the flowers in my garden. The days are endless and very, very boring. I get things done when I have to but theres no fun in doing them, no pleasure.

This all makes me so tired. I feel tired, all the time. It doesnt matter how much sleep Ive had, I have no energy. Im exhausted. Its an effort to do anything. I feel so heavy, like gravity has increased or theres an enormous weight on my shoulders, pushing me down. Sometimes its all I can do to get out of bed and get dressed, and I feel completely worn out when Ive done that.

When I look at myself in the bathroom mirror all I can see is an old, wrinkly woman whos wearing messy clothes and needs a good wash and a hair-do.

Lots and lots of dark thoughts rattle around inside my head and its very hard to stop them. Mostly I think about how useless I am, how Im a failure and a complete waste of space. When I look at myself in the bathroom mirror all I can see is an old, wrinkly woman whos wearing messy clothes and needs a good wash and a hair-do.

I feel guilty about everything. I tell myself I should pull myself together and get back to teaching history in school. I blame myself for not being a good enough mother and for letting Helen and Andy down. I either ignore them completely or else shout at them if theyre late getting up for school or watching TV when they should be doing their homework. I worry Im not giving them the love they need to grow up into happy and healthy adults.

I think life is hopeless but theres no point in trying to do anything about it. If I do try to make things better I am bound to fail, and then Ill just be in an even worse mess than I already am. Sometimes I wonder if itd be better for my family if I wasnt around anymore. I know theyd be a bit upset for a while, but wouldnt they forget about me soon enough? Then maybe they could get on with a better, happier life. But then I think Id miss them all too much, so Im just stuck here.