Helmanis Lisa - Plan your dream wedding: brilliant ideas for getting hitched in style

Plan your dream wedding

Brilliant little ideas for getting hitched in style

Infinite Ideas with Lisa Helmanis

8. The best best man

The best man can make or break a wedding. Heres a quick guide to what to do to maximise your value.

You should start by getting the contact details of the maid of honour or chief bridesmaid. This way youll be able to liaise on arrangements and queries (such as Where is the bride?!). And although the jokes about the best man having first crack at the bridesmaids might be funny, they are just that: jokes. You will have to talk to them a lot in the run up to the wedding, so leave any indiscretions until the reception (where you can make a hasty retreat).

You also need to sit and work a few things out with the groom. He may ask you to help to choose the ushers and explain their duties to them, and even oversee them on the day. Compile a list of close family members who should have special seating arrangements at the ceremony and pass it on to the ushers. Transport is part of your domain too, so visit the ceremony and the reception venues to check on timings and parking arrangements; you dont want to discover the brides limo can only stop to let her out two blocks away.

The day before, you are your grooms wing-man, but you really need to be available to him for the whole week before and do things such as collect any hired clothing and accessories. Youll have to badger the groom to make sure he has all the necessary documents for the ceremony and the honeymoon. You also need to organise decorations for the going-away car, which can be as simple as a single ribbon, tastefully tied, or something more along the jovial theme of tin cans and shaving foam. Just make sure that the driver can still see where hes going.

During the ceremony you carry and present the rings to the groom, and follow the wedding procession down the aisle after the last bridesmaid, and keep following them until you hit the reception. There you will be part of the receiving line and greet the guests. You might also be expected to carry cash to pay the band or DJ, and it is traditional for you to pay the church ministers fee, adding an odd sum to bring luck to the couple.

Heres an idea for you

As transport is your responsibility, make sure you have an emergency list of taxi companies on your schedule list so you can save the day should needs must. For extra points, check the traffic conditions on the big day.

Defining idea

Friendship is mutual blackmail elevated to the level of love.

ROBIN MORGAN, US writer

9. Ladies in waiting

Once youve chosen your bridesmaids, the real work begins to get them looking great and feeling great.

The bridesmaids play a pivotal role. As well as looking great (but not too great), they should be offering help, support and planning, and giving your single incarnation a disgracefully decadent send off. But, of course, there is one essential area that will influence how happy all of you are the bridesmaids dresses. Friendships have floundered over pink shantung silk and puff sleeves.

There are several variations to consider. Firstly, all of your attendants will likely be different sizes and ages. Get them involved early and start by asking everyone what they feel comfortable with: adult bridesmaids often feel a bit self-conscious in a full-length outfit and might prefer knee length, and those endowed with larger breasts might not be comfortable with spaghetti straps that rule out the support of a bra.

Dont let yourself be bullied by your bridesmaids when it comes to outfits. All women know how it feels to dislike the way we look, so its easy to give in to their demands. And dont be diverted away from your original idea. You dont want people looking at the wedding photographs and wondering if the bride in the Edwardian lace dress had borrowed the funky, super-modern bridesmaids from someone elses wedding just for the pictures.

Appointing a maid of honour might seem like unnecessary favouritism, but it is a good way of making sure that someone is keeping tabs on your lovely handmaidens other than just you. Ask her to collect the bridesmaids measurements and to ensure that everyone has suitable underwear. The maid of honour can also intercede if there are any disputes.

A problem can often arise over who pays for the dresses. It is not uncommon for the bridesmaids to buy their own dresses, but think that through dont ask them to splash out on outfits they couldnt wear again, except to fancy dress, and dont choose something ridiculously pricey.

Heres an idea for you

Going in circles? Try picking a colour and fabric and tell the bridesmaids they can choose variations on that theme. That way you the squabbling is kept to a minimum. Remember, though, not everyone can pull off canary yellow.

Defining idea

Love is blind, friendship closes its eyes.

FRIEDRICH WILHELM NIETZSCHE

10. The outlaws

With weddings, youve got the demands of two families to consider. Youll need to be honest and firm.

Weddings bring up a lot of intense emotional feelings for all involved, and you may find yourself on the receiving end of some pretty unreasonable pressure. Often parents may be divorced and sometimes with new partners. All of them will be pressing you to be sensitive to their needs and they will feel that they have a special claim on you in some way. Add in your own emotions and you have a very volatile situation.

The more you smile and nod while secretly seething, the more complications you make for yourself. A slight shrug will mean that they take for granted your agreement we all see what we want to see when we are looking for it. Try to be friendly but firm from the start. It will be much harder to tell the prospective father-in-law that you dont want his brass band to play at the reception if hes already booked it than telling him as soon as the idea is mooted that youd rather have him charming your guests than stuck behind a euphonium.

As far as possible, be considerate about the others feelings. You may not know the best friends of your in-laws, but they will have watched your partner grow from being a child and probably been babysitters many times. They are also probably the people listening to the concerns and excitement of your future family regarding the wedding, so if you can include them in some way, it will be no doubt appreciated.

Suss out your outlaws. Are they confident, bold types or are they timid people eager to please? Dont assume if theyre keeping quiet that they are uninterested they may be trying to avoid adding to your stress. On the flip side are the very overbearing type of in-laws, who want to make their mark on your wedding. You can tackle this by giving them a part of the wedding to manage that plays to their strengths. Are they great at time keeping, for instance? If so, ask them to organise the transport arrangements.

Heres an idea for you

Invite all of the parents or immediate family out for dinner. This will build some kind of rapport before you get to the big day, and perhaps show them that there are others vested interests to think of.

Defining idea

One would be in less danger

From the wiles of the stranger

If ones kin and kith

Were more fun to be with.

OGDEN NASH (19021971), from Family Court

11. Coming up roses

If you ask the right questions, your florist could be the saviour of your budget, aesthetic needs and sanity.

If a florist keeps pushing you towards arrangements you cant afford, move on. Make sure that you interview them properly, and ask to see their portfolio. If you want to compare prices, chose a simple flower, like a single white rose corsage and a white rose bouquet, and use that as your guide.