Hyde - Blame Your Planet

This edition published in 2016 by

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With editorial offices at:

65 Parker Street, Suite 7

Newburyport, MA 01950

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright Ivy Press Limited 2004

The moral right of the author to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs, and Patents Act of 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages. Previously published in 2004 as Darkside Zodiac, ISBN: 978-1-57863-310-4.

The dates for the zodiac signs in this book follow accepted standards, but people born at the beginning and end of a sign should always check their birthchart; for technical, star-based reasons, the start and end dates occasionally shift one day either way (and sometimes more), depending on the year.

ISBN: 978-1-57863-598-6

This book was conceived, designed, and produced by

Ivy Press

210 High Street, Lewes,

East Sussex, BN7 2NS

Creative director Peter Bridgewater

Publisher Sophie Collins

Editorial director Steve Luck

Design manager Tony Seddon

Designer and illustrator Tonwen Jones

Zodiac icons Tonwen Jones, Marina Murgioni

Project editor Mandy Greenfield

Printed in China

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

www.redwheelweiser.com

www.redwheelweiser.com/newsletter

You know what you're really likeso do I

Before we go any further, look at the title of this book. What does it say? Darkside. That means you are going to be reading some wince-making stuff about yourselves. There are no jolly Brightside platitudes, because there is quite enough of that kind of thing in the world, and every silver lining has to have a cloud. I don't want you writing inyou have been warned; anybody who is but a fragile blossom on life's maelstrom had better put the book down now; don't give it to anyone whose self-esteem is running at zero pressure.

DON'T BLAME ME, IT'S WRITTEN IN THE STARS

It's not just your sun sign; there are other dark forces out there to make things even worse:

Your ruling planet: the Sun, Moon, or any one of the solar system's nine aimlessly orbiting rocks (apart from Earth, of course), each of which looks after one or more signs and imposes its disgusting habits.

The Moon, which is in charge of your dark, inner soul, frightful moods, and uncontrollable emotions; just how much of a prima donna you are depends on where the Moon was throwing a hissy fit when you were thrust into this vale of tears (see ).

Your rising sign: as the Earth creaks around on its axis, it appears to us that a new zodiac sign passes overhead every two hours or so. Your rising sign is the one that peeped balefully over the eastern horizon at the exact minute you fell to Earth.

The psychotic duo, Venus (planet lust) and Mars (planet psychowarrior); you'll need a birthchart (see each sign) to find out what havoc they wreak.

Your opposite signthis is the fascinating badboy (six signs away from your own) your mom told you to keep away from.

Each sun sign hangs around street corners with one of four elements: Fire, Earth, Air, or Waterthink of them as the style in which you express your cosmic sloth (see box). Plus, there are three sorts of qualities: cardinal, fixed, and mutable. The qualities combine with the elements so that no single sign is exactly the same. This means we are all insufferable in our own special way. Each sign is also masculine or feminine. It's nothing personal; think of it as positive/negative.

And how does all this affect you? Well, read on and weep. We look at your shameful personality, your pathetic work, relationship, and sex lives, criminal tendencies, how appalling you are to live with, and how you try to have fun in your own miserable way. And we end with a list of others who share your patch in the zodiac. So go on, suffer!

RIFFRAFF ELEMENTS

Fire signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius): Brightsiders say impulsive! Darksiders say reckless sociopath.

Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn): Brightsiders say solid! Darksiders say pig-headed fusspot.

Air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius): Brightsiders say intellectual! Darksiders say free-floating airhead.

Water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces): Brightsiders say nurturing! Darksiders say moody whiner.

IT'S QUALITY TIME

Quality is just another word for attitude; on the Darkside, that's bad attitude.

Cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn): bossy; this is the quality that initiates disasters.

Fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius): stubborn; this is the quality that never deviates.