Levy Ceri - Ralph Steadmans critical critters

Bloomsbury Natural History

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This electronic edition published in 2017 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

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First published 2017

Copyright illustrations by Ralph Steadman, 2017

Copyright text by Ceri Levy, 2017

Ralph Steadman and Ceri Levy have asserted their right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as Authors of this work.

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British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Library of Congress Cataloguing-in-Publication data has been applied for.

ISBN: 978-1-4729-3671-4 (HB)
ISBN: 978-1-4729-3673-8 (eBook)
ISBN: 978-1-4729-3672-1 (ePDF)

Designed in UK by Julie Dando, Fluke Art

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Contents

Were two gonzovationists

Thats conservation with a twist

And laughter has to be the key

When we smile we are engaged

But the stories on each page

Tell the damage wreaked by humanity

The pictures give great cheer

But the words are full of fear

As critters fall throughout the day

Progress owns an iron fist

A swift flick of its wrist

Destroys whatevers in its way

Be a gonzovationist

Support the critters in our midst

There is a need to gonzovert the crowd

To help the vast array

Of wildlife every day

To roam freely would make us truly proud

By Levy/Steadman

Ralph : What are we going to do next?

Ceri: I reckon we concentrate on all the endangered creatures in the world other than birds. I am busy compiling a list of the critically endangered species in the world and there are over 4,500 of them.

Ralph: You know how to discourage me, with your wretched lists and numbers of critical critters in the thousands.

Ceri: Critical Critters! I like it. Dont worry, Ralph, we wont do them all. There are three or four we can leave out.

Ralph: Oh dear Better get some more ink in. Right then, youre the Navigator, better get the Steadmanitania where it needs to go.

Ceri: Aye aye, Capn. Good to be back on board with you. We have many stories to relay in our roles as gonzovationists.

Ralph: That is the purpose of our mission. You write it all down and Ill draw it.

Ceri: And one last thing to remember No beaks this time round.

Gin Martini Calls

Our books always start with a phone call from Seor Gin Martini, our publisher at Bloomsbury. So whats the plan for the third book of the trilogy? What bird angle have you got covered now? I reply, Weve done birds, extinct ones and endangered ones. What could we do next with them other than all the ones that are having a cheerful and fine time? Were not very good at doing plain old happy. Not really our thing. We need to sink our teeth into a subject, stick up for something we can fight for and believe in. And Ralph needs to stop putting beaks on everything. Beak addiction is a terrible thing. He needs to start drawing other appendages and animal attributes, like paws and claws, trunks and proboscides. (I looked it up and that is genuinely the plural of proboscis. I had expected it to be proboscii or some such thing, but what do I know?) We need different creatures, critically endangered creatures, we should be sticking up for lions and tigers and bears with the odd troubled newt thrown in for good measure. We could call the book Critical Critters.

Critical Critters is good for a working title, says Gin, We just need a synopsis and Ill get it cleared with the board. Can you sort that out? I huff in indignation. A synopsis? From us? We dont do that sort of thing. We didnt do one for the first two books and I cant see the need for it now. It would ruin the surprise too. If you need a synopsis then you should write it. You know what youre looking for. Speak to Ralph, maybe you can come up with something between you.

With my haughtiness in full cry and my hackles raised I tell Ralph about the need for a synopsis and he says rather philosophically, Youre so sniffy! If Jim wants a synopsis then we should give him a synopsis. What kind of critter do you think it would look like? Ill draw a Synopsis. We giggle like a couple of geese cackling into our tea. And with that I know we are back. Critters here we come. Its your turn to feel Ralphs brush tickling your areas into life on that good old A1 paper, while I describe your measurements. Critterific.

Ralph has put me in the right frame of mind with his simple idea of drawing a synopsis and this, in turn, has focused my attention on the matter at hand and I realise its time to do some research. Just how precarious a state do the worlds animals find themselves in? We know how bad it is for birds, but is it the same for all the other living things out there and where is the best place to begin our journey?

What we want to achieve is to show the incredible diversity of species that are threatened and to show that across the board we have critically endangered critters, from fungi, reptiles, plants and marine life to birds and mammals. We have covered the birds in our last two books, Extinct Boids and Nextinction, so you wont see one in here. Well, in principle you wont but I should never say never, especially where Ralph is concerned. I am trying to wean him off birds but I feel he will sneak the odd beaky one in here and there.

Ralph: Look at what I just discovered in the studio. An ark! I cant remember what it was for but it was many moons ago.