Palaian - Spent: Break the Buying Obsession and Discover Your True Worth

A Prevalent Problem

Eric had already moved out of the house when he arrived at my office with his wife, Susan. He was quiet at first, seething with anger. When he spoke, his first words to Susan were loud ones: I dont care why you do it. I cant take it anymore.

Unable to raise her head, and twirling a tissue between her fingers, she replied, I know its my fault. I dont even know why I do it. He had dragged her to therapy because he was tired of her dramatic excuses, and he was done paying for her spending habit.

Eric had bailed Susan out of debt three times over the course of their twenty-four-year marriage. This time it was for $67,000, the most ever. He found out by accident when her sister mentioned the credit card bill. Susan had been using her sisters address to receive credit card statements. Tired of the lies, and unsure about where he would get the money, Eric was furious.

Susan was trapped: she had to either get help to stop spending or lose her marriage. She had spent years staving off this dreaded day.

Susan began attending therapy to try to understand why she was so troubled. In therapy, she looked at her lifelong pattern and realized that she had always wanted to fit in. In third grade, she used her allowance to buy candy for her friends. As a teenager, she wore her mothers jewelry to school so she could impress her classmates. When her grandparents gave her birthday money, she spent it immediately on makeup or clothes for herself or gifts for her friends.

She recalled that her parents frequently argued about money. Her father was strict with money and often reminded the family of what he provided. Even though her mother was practical about money, she was unable to convince her father to loosen up. Susan bypassed these fights by working at a bakery to pay for her own stylish clothes.

In college, she discovered credit cards. A local bank had set up a booth in the student lounge. She decided to apply. With credit cards, she was finally free from her father. She could buy what she wanted. In the first summer of college, she went to a rock concert in another state with her friends. She charged her meals and the gas when it was her turn to pay. She figured it wasnt a big deal; she could pay the minimum on the credit card, and shed catch up during the school year when her dad was giving her money again. By the time she graduated, she had accumulated $9,000 on two credit cards. She thought it would be easy to pay off once she was employed professionally.