Rawson - A Serial Killers Daughter

2019 by Kerri Rawson

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All photos are from the Rader familys personal collection.

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission, www.lockman.org.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, IL 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked PHILLIPS are taken from J. B. Phillips: THE NEW TESTAMENT IN MODERN ENGLISH, Revised Edition. J. B. Phillips 1958, 1960, 1972. Used by permission of Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc.

In rare instances, a name was changed to protect the privacy of the person described. Events and conversations have been constructed from the authors memory. Dennis Rader gave permission to use the contents of the letters from Dennis Rader to Kerri Rawson.

Epub Edition December 2018 9781400201761

ISBN 978-1-4002-0176-1 (eBook)

ISBN 978-1-4002-0175-4 (HC)

ISBN 978-1-4041-0855-4 (IE)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018957741

Printed in the United States of America

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To Darian, for loving me without fail.

And to Emilie and Ian: when youre old enough,

I will hand you this storyto tell you my story.

No, youre not old enough yet, so stop asking. And

yes, Mom is finally done with her book.

Contents

M y family and I owe a great debt of gratitude to the following organizations and the people who serve and work for the better good. There are hundreds of people who aided and assisted us over the past four decades, including the Wichita Police Department, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Kansas Bureau of Investigation, the Sedgwick County Sheriff and the Sedgwick County Detention Facility, the Park City Police Department, the El Dorado Correctional Facility, the Sedgwick County District Attorneys Office and the Sedgwick County Public Defender Office, the city and community of Wichita, the Wichita Eagle, and Christ Lutheran Church.

Any and all mistakes in the text are mine.

O n February 25, 2005, my father, Dennis Lynn Rader, was arrested for murder. In the weeks that followed, I learned he was the serial killer known as BTK (Bind, Torture, Kill), who had terrorized my hometown of Wichita, Kansas, for three decades. As he confessed on national television to the brutal killings of eight adults and two children, I struggled to comprehend the fact that the first twenty-six years of my life had been a lie. My father was not the man Id known him to be.

Since his arrest, Ive fought hard to come to terms with the truth about my dad. Ive wrestled with shame, guilt, anger, and hatred. Ive accepted the fact that I am a crime victim, dating back to the days my mom carried me in her womb.

I no longer fight the past nor try to hide it. It just is. It happened and its terrible. Terrible to dream about, terrible to think about, terrible to talk about. Incalculable loss, trauma, emotional abuse, depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stressthese things leave scars.

Ive struggled with forgiveness, fought for understanding, tried to put the ruptured pieces of my life and my familys life back together. Its an ongoing battle. But hope, truth, and lovethe things that are good and right in this worldcontinue to fight through the darkness and overcome the nightmares. I am a survivor who has found resilience and resistance in faith, courage, and my sure stubbornness to never give up.

KERRI RAWSON

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.

PSALM 46:2

NOON

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2005

DETROIT, MICHIGAN

O n the day the world dropped out on me, I woke up late. I had pulled my dark brown hair back in a loose scrunchie, and at noon, I was still in my mint-green fleece pajamas. Theyd been a gift from my parents on Christmas morning two months earlier, when I was home in Kansas with my husband, Darian. This was our second winter living in Michigan, and Id taken the day off from substitute teaching. Id been staying home a lot because driving on snow and ice set me on edge.

Friday, February 25, 2005, had begun as just another cold day, with snow on the ground and in the air. About 12:30 p.m., I glanced out our picture window to see how much snow had fallen the night before. Not that anyone could tell by late Februaryit was just a heap of white upon white.

I noticed a maroon car, slightly rusted and beat up, parked next to the green dumpster behind our apartment building. A man sat behind the steering wheel and seemed to be glancing up at our window on the second floor.

My internal alarms buzzed. Stranger danger.

I wasnt expecting Darian to be home until later for lunch, if at all.

As it neared one oclock, I looked again.

The man was still there.

All right, that does it. Im calling Darian.

Hey, when are you coming home for lunch? My voice was calm enough to fool him.

Not sure. Want me to bring you something? Taco Bell?

Nah. I paused. Im calling because a strange old beat-up car is parked by the dumpster. A man is sitting in the car, and I swear hes looking into our window. I was beginning to sound a little panicky, but Darian was unfazed.

Hmm, our window? Upstairs?

Yeah, looking right in it.

Um, thats really not possible. But if hes giving you the creeps or something, call the cops.

Nah. Well, maybe. Yeah. If he doesnt leave soon.

Okay. Ill be home in a while to eat if I can get away. Swamped here today.