Santomero - Radical kindness: the life-changing power of giving and receiving

W e live in a world where kindness is in short supply and seems to be getting scarcer every day. Yet no matter how much the supply dwindles, it is endlessly renewable. If we want to change reality, we must begin with this assurance: Kindness, along with its close companions empathy, compassion, and love, is an aspect of consciousness that cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be forgotten and rediscovered.

Once they begin to accept that assurance, people can begin to transform their lives by reminding themselves that the body and mind have an infinite capacity for change and renewal. At the heart of this understanding is the need to cultivate a greater self-awareness. Knowing who we really arethe product of consciousness creating without limitsdrastically changes the choices we make. When we realize that we are connected to a field of infinite potential, we have a reliable source for transformation, not just personally but in society at large. Kindness assumes great importance after it is aligned with a great purposerevitalizing, nourishing, and healing our lives.

Angela Santomeros deeply insightful Radical Kindness can help us grow in the all-important area of self-awareness. Her work is not only an inspiring guide to self-transformation, but it offers the practical means for experiencing what can be called kindness consciousness. The journey begins by paying attention to the need for inner and outer peace, for leading our daily lives from a place of deep-seated benevolence and thoughtfulness, especially toward ourselves.

Self-care has become a popular theme in recent years, but it raises in some people the shadow of self-centeredness. For them, self-care is merely a glossy repackaging of the old axiom about looking out for number one. Being kind to yourself can sound like a selfish pursuit. Shouldnt kindness be something we offer others? Yes, of course. However, self-care is a necessary ingredient to a happy and purposeful life. Unless we love and treat ourselves well, we are ill-equipped to do the same for others. The Golden Rule, a philosophy shared by most cultures around the world in one form or another, urges us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

Yet as simple and enduring as this teaching is, human nature blocks the way. Driven by the endless demands of I, me, and mine, we are constantly pressured to act out of narrow self-interest first and foremost. We can have the best intentions to do to others as we would have them do to us, but somehow self-interest keeps postponing the day when it actually happens. I think the only answer is to find a level of consciousness that goes beyond self-interest. Kindness cannot be measured or quantified; therefore, doling it out erratically and in small doses doesnt get at the heart of the matter.

The ego personality has a secret side that must be exposed to light. The egos public side is all about getting pleasure and avoiding pain, accumulating money and the good things it buys, and rising in the world, generally. But in its secret self, the ego knows that all of its demands and desires are based on a fearful insecurity. I fills a hole, a void of true meaning and fulfillment. True meaning and fulfillment cannot come and go. Things that come and go fuel insecurity and anxiety. We grip tightest to what we fear to lose. Therefore, living according to I, me, mine is a defensive posture, no matter how well life is going on the surface.

In this collective addiction to defending our self-interest from everyone else who is defending their self-interest, we accept a falsehood. Life isnt based on the foibles of human nature; the void we fear inside is self-created. Nothing about insecurity, anxiety, and lack is destined to existall of these things are born of judgment against the self. Once you see the situation and want to remedy it, self-care assumes its proper purpose; it heals all judgment against the self.

We can truly love one another once we love who we are. The ego-personality is stubborn and well established. It knows how to use acts of kindness as add-ons to its agenda rather than as expressions of the true self that transcends ego. It knows how to co-opt our best intentions. It will seize upon any negative experience to make us scurry back to a place of safety, which to the ego is a very selfish place. Im not discouraged by such obstacles but bring them up to underscore what we need to do, which isnt to attack our sense of insecurity and lackattacking the shadow side of the ego only makes it more defensive.

A better approach is to treat ourselves with compassion, honesty, and patience. Too many of the travesties and destructive trends in the world exist because human beings dont recognize the proper way to love themselves. We mistreat the other so that the sad truth about ourselves can be deflected. Thats the vicious circle that Radical Kindness breaks, beginning with each individual who is willing to wake up to higher reality.

Higher reality is always inward. Deliberately living from a place of Radical Kindness means living from a place of positive mental and emotional change. When you begin to understand more deeply the true power of love and understanding, you discover that change and renewal are naturalputting up obstacles and defenses are the essence of what is unnatural. Reality unfolds here and now, which is the only place it could unfold. There is no map for locating the here and now, but were all equipped to find where it is. The here and now has its own sense of presence. Id describe this presence through feelings of openness, curiosity, creative imagination, receptivity, allowing, appreciation, inner quiet, and great alertness.

The ego can simulate those things. It can even achieve them in a hit-and-miss fashion. But these are not mental constructs to be toyed with. They are the traits of the true self once a person has experienced the reality of higher consciousness. In a word, they come as one package. Compassion and kindness are part of the same package. They emerge in the presence of the here and now. You dont struggle to find them but instead allow a natural, effortless unfolding from the inside.

Over the last few years, science has begun to see that changing the way we think can alter the brain in powerful ways. This leads to new ways of experiencing the heights of who we can be. The equation is simple: cultivating self-awareness by living as best as we can in the present moment leads to changes in energy, which leads to changes in the mind and body. The process is self-reinforcing. The more you open yourself to the here and now, the greater your realization of what emerges from the field of all possibilities. We can call this the dual role of healer and healed coming together as one. By focusing our attention on being kind to ourselves, by projecting compassion and peace inwardly, we alter how we react to the world outwardly. When this process is truly whole and not ego-driven, the world responds in a similar fashion.

Radical Kindness is an important antidote to the poisonous times we are living in, and we cant look to others to remedy things for us. Radical Kindness begins with you. Realizing this has enough energy to revolutionize the way you live. Let Angelas book help you to see how.

DEEPAK CHOPRA