Swan James - 101 things I hate about your house: designing your way to a more gracious life one room at a time

Things I Hate

About Your House

A Premier Designer Takes You on a Room-by-Room Tour
to Transform Your Home from Faux Pas to Fabulous

JAMES SWAN

WITH C AROL B EGGY
I LLUSTRATIONS BY S TANLEY A . M EYER

Health Communications, Inc.
Deerfield Beach, Florida

www.hcibooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Swan, James, 1961

101 Things I Hate About Your House : A Premier Designer Takes You on a Room-by-Room Tour to Transform Your Home from Faux Pas to Fabulous / James Swan with Carol Beggy ; Illustrated by Stanley A. Meyer.

pages cm.

ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-1567-1

ISBN-10: 0-7573-1567-4

ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-9181-1 (e-book)

ISBN-10: 0-7573-9181-8 (e-book)

1. House furnishings. 2. Interior decoration. 3. Hospitality. I. Beggy, Carol. II. Title. III. Title: One Hundred One Things I Hate About Your House. IV. Title: One Hundred and One Things I Hate About Your House.

TX311.S93 2011

747dc22

2010045174

2011 James Swan, Carol Beggy, and Stanley A. Meyer

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.

3201 S.W. 15th Street

Deerfield Beach, FL 334428190

Illustrations Stanley A. Meyer
Cover and interior design by Larissa Hise Henoch

Contents

A DISCONCERTING LOOK, A GASP, or a simple catch in the throat were the common responses I received from my friends when they heard the title of this book: 101 Things I Hate About Your House. Some people would nervously laugh and ask with trepidation, Is my house in there? or, more rarely, defensively say, My house better not be in there, as if a gauntlet has been thrown down in preparation for a bloody duel. I usually pause, for effect, and reply as though searching for redemption from a particular decorating transgression, No, not necessarily. My response is true enough, though admittedly vague; its ambiguity either masks a sustainable truth (what were they thinking with that shag sofa?) or conveys my mood, which most likely is dependent on the day of the week, the direction of the wind, or whether my new sweater makes my butt look big.

The act of creating is fueledby the total of life experience.

Someone once gave me this bit of wisdom: The act of creating is fueled by the total of life experience. Truth, regardless of how we come to it, is just thattruth. So, in an indirect way, every room Ive entered, looked at, dreamt of, or ran screaming from has influenced this book. Instead of gossipy storytelling or a kiss and decorate mentality, this book will provide you with my keen observations and bits of learning gleaned from years of study, practice, and mistakes Ive made while pursuing the art of beautiful living. And lest anyone take this book, me, or themselves too seriously, please know that as much as I love the work that I do, I also understand that no lives will be saved by my fabric selections and no wars averted as a result of a deftly shaded lamp.

For me, it seems the writing was on the wall early in my life. As a child, I was told I had champagne taste on a beer budget. This was confusing for me because I was neither interested in the cost of champagne nor beer; rather, I was very concerned about the poor furnishing choices I saw around me.

With one leisurely detour that included an undergraduate degree in theology and a minor in music, I made my way to the study of design and architecture and have created classically influenced interiors ever since. I have spent more than twenty years working for clients who have included captains of industry, movie studio heads, investment bankers, and real estate moguls. My work has put me on yachts and private jets, in luxury high-rise towers, and mountaintop retreats. Ive done the great auction houses, been to the openings of the worlds finest antique shows, and tromped through muddy barns on back country roads in far away countriesall in search of just the right piece. Ive worked on homes built from scratch and on those expanding on an already beautiful idea. Ive survived temperamental architects, contractors, craftsmen, and artisans (not to mention the occasional testy client) and live to tell the stories. Ive made huge mistakes, had resounding successes, and tried to carry the battle scars of this wild and wonderful profession with a small degree of dignity and a big dose of humor. It is into this gaping void of the discretionary that I toss my insights knowing that whatever the balance in the bank, money spent to better our living environment is always discretionary. A home must respond to daily demands forced upon us by life, by the unbending laws of physics, and by any number of petulant voices in our heads. Practicality, while often unglamorous, is necessary when creating a beautiful home. Tear down that bitch of a bearing wall and put a window where it ought to be is the admonition barked by Faye Dunaway (playing Joan Crawford in MommieDearest) during a most memorable remodel, reminding us that if the basics are not executed with consideration for our needs then Houston, we have a problem.

Beauty and grace evolveover time, like a good wine.

I would like to state clearly the point of this book: my goal is to provide you with the basic principles you need to create a beautiful and gracious home. Beauty and grace evolve over time, like a good wine. A gracious home, while not always trumpeted in the glossy magazines, is one filled with collected objects of beauty comingled with the voices of friends, the laughter of family, and the relaxed acknowledgment of contentment. A gracious and beautiful home effortlessly considers the needs of its occupants and consistently rises to the occasion. We understand style and taste as being subjective, but principles for gracious living are not. While the former denotes mastery of historical nuance and devotion to a fickle publics fleeting fixations, the latterand the object of our attentionis rooted in common sense piled high with practical experience.

The principles shared in this book will not cure cancer, usher in world peace, or get you into the size four jeans hanging in the back of your closet, but they will do one thing and do it consistently the principles will work. I guarantee it. You dont have to be born with creative DNA or know how to mix stripes and patterns. You dont need to know how to spot the difference between Louis XIV and Louis XVI or have a clue who Baldwin, Draper, or Hampton are. Regardless of the state of your estatebe it massive or minusculeor your Style IQ, these principles of gracious living will deliver a framework for a more beautiful and gracious home. Another way to look at this is that you can have fun with your home. I hereby give you permission to do so. If you can read, laugh, and jump start yourself into a modicum of action then you are well on your way to enjoying a more thoughtful, graceful, and beautiful home.

The title 101 Things I Hate About Your House may prompt you to ask, what of all this talk of hate? As is often the case in literature, entertainment, and it seems, even politicsexaggeration is used to make a point. Diluting their content and potential for impact, too often design and decoration tomes read lightly in the area of critical comment fearing readers will take offense. Personally, Id rather my good friends tell me I look frightful in my new blazer with its horizontal stripes rather than tacitly standing by while I make a fool of myself. When it comes to your home and all things pertaining to a gracious and beautiful way of life, you can count on me to call things as I see them. So yes, there are things about the American home that I cant stand. Believing, as I do, that love is closer to hate than indifference, I feel confident that anyone reading this book cares enough about their home not to mind the unvarnished truth.