Wade - A father first: how my life became bigger than basketball

Next Steps for Getting Involved

In March 2012, when I had the honor of hosting a Responsible Fatherhood Roundtable discussion as part of President Obamas Fatherhood & Mentoring Initiative, our focus was on the fundamental theme of getting involved. In addition to representatives from government agencies and a diverse group of leaders from around the country who were in attendance, we were joined by dads from various walks of life who were recognized for their individual efforts to exemplify and promote responsible fatherhood.

I was inspired after meeting men of all ages who are deeply committed to their roles as fathers and mentors. And I was also very encouraged to hear reports of great strides being made by families and communities that have benefitted from the resources made available by the Initiatives partners, including the National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse (NRFC), the Administration for Children and Families Office of Family Assistance, and the White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships. What I learned from our discussion reinforced my own belief that when it comes to parenting, a little goes a long way. The key really seems to be making involvement with the children in your life a priority for your time, energy, caring, and concern. The first step, I believe, is recognizing that priority and the next step is taking action by staying connected to them and their lives.

If youd like more information on parenting resources and on how you can get more involved as a dad yourself, as a mom looking to promote fatherhood in your family, or as a citizen or organizational leader seeking ways to positively impact your community, I hope your next stop will be the website www.fatherhood.gov. Youll find everything you need, from a DadBlog on a variety of topics of interest to fathers and families, to an interactive map that can connect you to programs on the local level wherever you happen to be. Aside from offering all kinds of suggestions for different activities you can do when looking to spend quality time with your children, the website has a library tab that lets you research books and other reading materials on any parenting or mentoring question you might have. Another section includes information about employment opportunities and community grants, while another provides recent statistics and research about the importance of responsible fatherhood to society at large. As the website states:

Fatherlessness is a growing crisis in America, one that undergirds many of the challenges that families are facing. When dads arent around, young people are more likely to drop out of school, use drugs, be involved in the criminal justice system, and become young parents themselves.

Of course, when I was first approached by President Obama to become involved with the Initiative, I was humbled. More than that, I was moved by the fact that one of the reasons he was so passionate about this issue is that he grew up without his dad. He, too, has recognized that being a father is his most important role. To acknowledge that, the president is reaching out to dads across the nation to join him in taking a fatherhood pledge. You can make your pledge official by signing up at www.fatherhood.gov/pledge with your name and e-mail address. The pledge is simply a commitment for all of us to do everything we can to be there for our children and for young people whose fathers arent around. By signing the Presidents Fatherhood Pledge, your name and e-mail address will be kept strictly confidential and youll also be sent tips, updates, and information about resources from fatherhood organizations, prominent dads, and experts.

Whether you sign the Presidents Fatherhood Pledge, write the words to your own pledge, and/or connect with a local parenting program, what matters most is that youve made a serious commitment to being involved in the lives of your children and to stepping up as a positive role model and mentor for children in your life and community.

As I have learned from the experience of writing this book, Im far from having all of the answers. Certainly Ive made mistakes as a dad, and hopefully by learning from them Ive grown as a parent and a person. And as I grow as a father, I will continue to share more lessons learned.

Until then, Im sending out my best to everyone who came along on this journey with me, with blessings always from my household to yours.

A FATHER FIRST . Copyright 2012 by Dwyane Wade. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks.

FIRST EDITION

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Wade, Dwyane, 1982

A father first : how my life became bigger than basketball / by Dwyane Wade. 1st ed.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-06-213615-2 (hardback) 1. Wade, Dwyane, 1982 2. Basketball playersUnited StatesBiography. 3. FatherhoodUnited States. 4. Fathers and sonsUnited States. I. Title.

GV884.W23W34 2012

796.323092dc23

[B] 2012020583

Epub Edition SEPTEMBER 2012 ISBN: 9780062136183

12 13 14 15 16 DIX/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my grandmother, Willie Mae Morris,

my first teacher in life

And to Zaire, Zion, and Dahveon,

for teaching me what it truly means to be a father first

Im stronger because I had to be. Im smarter because of my mistakes. Im happier because of sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned the lesson.

Author unknown, often cited by Pastor Jolinda Wade

Contents

Homecoming

F RIDAY AFTERNOON

M ARCH 11, 2011

A T HOME IN M IAMI

W HAT?!

Im alone in my bedroom just before dozing off to sleep when I sit bolt upright to stare at the BlackBerry in my hand. It looks like some alien object, blinking like crazy. I cant stop staring back at it and the shocking e-mail that just came in.

My heart is pounding as I inhale and exhale and try to catch my breath. Im usually good at keeping my emotions in checkbut not right now.

I reread the eight words of Jims e-mail. Jim Pritikin is the attorney representing me in the very painful, very public, drawn-out custody battle for my sons, nine-year-old Zaire and almost four-year-old Zion. With no warning, no explanation, Jims message tells me the judge has made a final decision.

Its over.

What?! I repeat, still talking to myself, now even louder than before.

Still trying to grasp this moment, I take another deep breath and mentally rewind the tape, replaying recent events that might offer some clue as to what this really means.

No more than ten minutes earlier, after a grueling practice, Id headed upstairs to lie down for a quick rest. The previous night on the Heats home court, at the buzzer, wed won a hard-earned victory against the Los Angeles Lakers, not only landing a playoff spotand breaking out of our five-game losing slumpbut also putting a stop to the Lakers eight-game winning streak. But there was no time to celebrate. By Friday morning at practice, my teammates and I were back on the grind. We had work to do. With LeBron James and Chris Bosh in their first season with the team, there was enormous pressure on us to prove the Heats naysayers wrong, on the one hand; and, on the other, live up to supersized expectations to win a championship.