Velasquez - Dare to be kind: How Extraordinary Compassion Can Transform Our World

Bullying: It sucks.

Im serious. Thats itthats all I really want or need to say on the subject: Bullying sucks!

As we address the art of kindness in this book, we must also address its counter subject: bullying. I know a thing or two about being bullied. I was bullied at school throughout my childhood, and later, I experienced unspeakable bullying online, all because I look somewhat different from your average twenty-eight-year-old. I dont want to brag, but I have pretty great hair, and I love clothes and accessories. So, stylistically, I can say Ive got it going on. But physically, Im on the smaller side kind of on the tiny side.

If you saw me out on the street, youd probably think that Im a super-skinny girl. (Ughskinny. I hate that word. When I was younger, it was always used against me as an insult.) When I visited new doctors and specialists, their first concern would be trying to figure out which eating disorder I had. As a teenager, strangers would see me and think I had extreme anorexia. They would ask my mom, Why dont you feed your daughter? Once, someone even yelled, Eat a burger! at me on the street.

I guess I can see why people might think that, but I am definitely not anorexic. In fact, I eat a lot throughout the day. I dont have an eating disorder. What I do have is a very rare syndrome.

But well get to that.

I like to think of my bullying experience in kindergarten as a big slap of reality. As a five-year-old, I had no clue how mean people could be to each other. I didnt know being mean was a thing! Id grown up with my siblings, my cousins, my parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents, and everyone just treated me like Lizzielike I was any other beloved member of the family.

Thats why going to kindergarten was such a shock. That first day, it was like there was a sign on my forehead that everyone could see except me: Dont sit by me. Dont play with me. Dont even talk to me. No one wanted to stand next to me in line. No one asked me to play with them. No matter what I did that day, I was all by myself. The most I got from the other kids were stares.

Whatever was going on, I thought surely it would go away by recess or maybe by the time we went to lunch. I had no clue it was something that would last throughout my entire elementary school career.

And that was just day one!

It wasnt just elementary school, either. In seventh grade, I was voted princess at the Homecoming Dance. I have no idea how that happenedwho nominated me, who voted for me, or how I won. What I do know is the boy who won prince did not like me. He was embarrassed by me. He didnt want to stand next to me, and when all the other couples were dancing, he refused to dance because he didnt want to dance with me. So I just sat there on the stage, in front of everyone, alone and humiliated.

The bullying continued off and on throughout middle and high school, but the worst experience of all happened when I was seventeen years old.

At that point in my life, everything was actually going pretty well. Over the years, I had made friends and built up my confidence, and it had taken me a long time to get to that point. I had a desktop computer in my room, and one afternoon I was working on my homework. I wanted to listen to some music while I worked, so I went to YouTube, which was still fairly new then. I started looking around for a song to listen to, and on the right-hand side, under Suggested Videos, something snagged my attention.

It was a thumbnaila little photo of a girl with black hair and glasses.