Contents
Guide
An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc. 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 www.SimonandSchuster.com Copyright 2020 by Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Simon & Schuster Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020. First Tiller Press hardcover edition October 2020 TILLER PRESS and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc. For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or .
The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. Interior design by Jennifer Chung Illustrations by Ashlee Beadle Cover design by Patrick Sullivan Phone icon by Frozenbunn / Shutterstock Library of Congress Control Number: 2020931544 ISBN 978-1-9821-5459-2 ISBN 978-1-9821-5460-8 (ebook) To Boomers everywhere
Introduction
Leaving voice mails. Owning a VCR. Insisting that the GPS must be wrong. Expressing skepticism about global warming.
There are dozens of outdated errands, items, and beliefs that Baby Boomers just cant seem to give up. No matter how many times Millennials and Gen Zers attempt to drag them into 2020, Boomers simply stamp their feet and insist that they must arrive at the airport seven hours early. So if, after failing once again to explain why no one uses an encyclopedia anymore, youve thrown your hands up and screamed, OK, Boomer! then this book is for you. Containing fifty-eight classic Boomerisms that you can laugh, sigh, or roll your eyes at, OK, Boomer is the perfect vent for your rage at receiving another crazy conspiracy theory from a Yahoo e-mail address. Look at that snow outside.
OK, BOOMER.
OK, BOOMER.
Our flight leaves in seven hours. We should head to the airport now! OK, BOOMER. Jell-O salads are perfect for any party!
OK, BOOMER. When I graduated from college, I just walked right into the company where I wanted to work and asked for a job! OK, BOOMER. Call the landline.
OK, BOOMER.
I saw it on Law & Order. OK, BOOMER. Salads are rabbit food.
OK, BOOMER. I bought it from the Home Shopping Network. OK, BOOMER.
Why did they get rid of the killer whales at SeaWorld? Shamu was great!
OK, BOOMER. My email address is *****@yahoo.com. OK, BOOMER. I taped it on VHS.
OK, BOOMER. The Wi-Fi password is 35309752474342594305.
OK, BOOMER. Did you see my Facebook post? OK, BOOMER. I dont need a GPS.
OK, BOOMER. How the heck do you turn this thing on? OK, BOOMER. Maybe you could try dropping off your rsum in person.
OK, BOOMER. I read the newspaper today, and there was a front-page article on
OK, BOOMER. I heard Alex Jones say it. OK, BOOMER. Why take the bus or the train? Its easier to drive.
OK, BOOMER.
Lets go to Olive Garden. OK, BOOMER. Did you get my voice mail? OK, BOOMER. Let me write a check for that.
OK, BOOMER. You cant find a job on the Internet.
You need to go out and pound the pavement. OK, BOOMER. Fuzzy toilet-seat covers.
OK, BOOMER. [Talking to Google Home] Siri? OK, BOOMER. I printed out the directions from MapQuest.
OK, BOOMER. Lets go on a cruise!
OK, BOOMER. I need to go to the bank. OK, BOOMER. Margarine. OK, BOOMER.
Socks with sandals are sensible fashion.
OK, BOOMER. Lets go to the mall! OK, BOOMER. Time to watch
Wheel of Fortune! OK, BOOMER. Look up the number in the phone book. OK, BOOMER.
Make sure you iron it before you wear it.
OK, BOOMER. I read it in
Readers Digest. OK, BOOMER. Watching golf on TV. OK, BOOMER.
Are you keeping your checkbook balanced? OK, BOOMER. I need to go to the post office.
OK, BOOMER. Anything will taste better with some Mrs. Dash. Meat loaf.
OK, BOOMER.
OK, BOOMER.
SENDING E-MAILS IN ALL CAPS, BECAUSE THAT DEFINITELY GETS THE POINT ACROSS. ok, boomer. Bar soap.
OK, BOOMER. I just put up some nice patterned wallpaper in my bathroom. OK, BOOMER.