Sandra Swenson - Just Dandy: Living with Heartache and Wishes

Sandy Swensons book Just Dandy is a wise and intimate portrayal of navigating lifes unexpected challenges. With warmth and humor, she reminds us that even when a childs addiction is consuming all our attention, life is often about starting overand then starting over again. Inspiring!

BEVERLY CONYERS , author of Find Your Light and Addict in the Family

Sandy Swenson is a gifted writer! She knows how to tell a story that holds your interest and keeps you coming back for more. Just Dandy is Sandys story, from her son Joeys addiction to her divorce to her various moves to re-create her new life. Too she is helping her parents through their transition to needing more care. Through it all, Sandy stays strong, putting one foot in front of the other, maneuvering herself through the turmoil. Other moms will relate to all that Sandy is going throughher pain, her resilience, and her efforts to move forward in positive ways.

CATHY TAUGHINBAUGH, Parent Coach, creator of Regain Your Hope online course

Sandra Swenson has written a book about the transformation of pain and loss through grace and hard work into a beautiful service to others. She tells her story with candor and humility, including the lessons she learned along the way. Highly recommended!

TIM PORTINGA, PsyD, LP, Manager of Mental Health and Family Program at Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation

While reading The Joey Song, I thought, This woman has peeked in my windows. This newest book, Just Dandy, shares a deeper look into her life, its struggles and pain. Sandy is a woman whose trials and pain have graced her with strength to become a support for so many!

KIM PALMER, a fellow mom of an addicted son

Just Dandy is a story of betrayal, recovery, deep grief, profound healing, loss, uncertainty, undying love, unimaginable possibility, and eternal hope all wrapped up in one exquisitely written book. It offers hope that pain isnt forever, pain isnt the end, and pain can be transformed into something beautiful.

BARB KLEIN, author of 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life

Sandra Swenson nailed it again! Just Dandy presents a window into her life story of vulnerability and surviving what feels overwhelmingaddiction, divorce, aging parents, empty nesting, lonelinesstransforming heartache and loss into purpose and intentional living. It offers a path toward healing and hope for individuals and families living in chaos.

ANITA BONT, LMFT, LADC, Manager of Family Program and Spiritual Care at Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation

In her fourth publication, Just Dandy, Sandy Swenson once again brings her poignant voice to the written word as she chronicles her journey to self and to fulfilling her mission, purpose, and passion to help moms of children with addiction.

LISA FREDERIKSEN, author of The 10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, Youd Stop! and founder of BreakingTheCycles.com

Sandra lets us into her home and her heart. A bold battle cry for moms, wives, and daughters, reminding us that we are not alone. She brings us to a place where love, grief, hope, and heartache meet.

KELLY RYAN, MA, LAADC, Supervisor of the Family Program at Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation

Hazelden Publishing

Center City, Minnesota 55012

hazelden.org/bookstore

2020 by Sandra Swenson

All rights reserved. Published 2020.

No part of this publication, neither print nor electronic, may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Swenson, Sandra, 1959 author.

Just dandy : living with heartache and wishes / by Sandra Swenson.

LCCN 2020028985 (print) | LCCN 2020028986 (ebook) | ISBN 9781616498825 (paperback) | ISBN 9781616498832 (epub)

LCSH: Swenson, Sandra, 1959 | Parents of drug addictsBiography. | Adult children of aging parentsBiography. | Happiness.

LCC HV5805.S94 A3 2020 (print) | LCC HV5805.S94 (ebook) | DDC 362.29/12092 [B]dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020028985

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020028986

Editors notes:

This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be thought of as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals. The authors advice and viewpoints are her own.

Quotations are taken from Sandra Swensons books The Joey Song: A Mothers Story of Her Sons Addiction (2014, Central Recovery Press), Tending Dandelions: Honest Meditations for Mothers with Addicted Children (2017, Hazelden Publishing), and Readings for Moms of Addicts mobile app (2018, Hazelden Publishing).

The poem Everything Falls Away appears on with permission of Parker J. Palmer, Madison, Wisconsin.

Cover design: Theresa Jaeger Gedig

Interior design: Terri Kinne

Typesetting: Bookmobile Design & Digital Publisher Services

Developmental editor: Andrea Lien

Editorial project manager: Jean Cook

This book is dedicated to mamas everywhere.

To my sisters of the heart.

Together we are stronger.

Like a dandelion

up through the pavement, I persist.

WENTWORTH MILLER

NO ONE EVER SAID it was going to be easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard, either. And even if they had, I would never have believed them. It being life, with all its unexpected heartache piled atop crumpled dreams and wishes.

As the mom of a now-adult child who battles addiction, I know the devastating toll of this diseasethe love and lies, fears and hopes, twisting the mystical umbilical connection into knots. Addiction is ruthless, breaking hearts and bonds and all the rules. Oh, how I wish there were a way to go back in time and nudge the direction of our path over a smidge, just enough to lead us anywhere but here, this place where love and addiction meet. However, as much as I wish my family could have avoided all the pain, trauma, and drama, the truth is Im a better person now than I was even aware I could be. I have had to dig deep, feel big, see truth, and be real. Because of that, Ive discovered a deeper level of patience, acceptance, kindness, and understanding of what really matters. For that, Im grateful. Im also grateful, of course, for all the wonderful mamas Ive met along the way. The brave, strong, hurt, terrified, confused, open-armed, and open-hearted sisterhood that would otherwise not have blessed my life.

For many years, I was consumed with my sons addiction, thinking I could fix it, change him, or somehow manage his life and disease for him. Over time, I came to realize the only thing I can change or control is mebut that has real power. Through my words and actions, I can help shed the shame and stigma, changing the way addiction is perceived within my community and within my son himself. And, through my books, blog, and MomPower website, in trying to help other moms on the same path, I have found healing. But Im also tired. My sixty-year-old self would like to take a rest, but being the mom of an addicted child is a continuous uphill journey of learning and adapting, while carrying an unrelenting grief for what is, for what should have been, and in anticipation of what might be coming nextin addition to everything else we juggle as mothers, wives, daughters, caregivers, worker bees, and friends. Life is not one-dimensional. Theres a lot of other tough stuff piling up, tooday after day, year after year, one after another on top of another.