Abbie Headon - Im Not Wearing Any Trousers: And Other Working from Home Truths

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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2020

FIRST EDITION

Text HarperCollinsPublishers 2020

Cover design by Simeon Greenaway HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2021

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A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Abbie Headon asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008458737

Ebook Edition November 2020 ISBN: 9780008458744

Version: 2020-11-11

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FOR OPTIMAL ENJOYMENT, NO TROUSERS SHOULD BE WORN WHILE READING THIS BOOK.

Welcome to Im Not Wearing Any Trousers, the ultimate working from home survival guide!

Since a certain virus made its presence felt in early 2020, business life has changed for most of us in office jobs. Instead of getting dressed and going to work every day, were more likely to tumble out of bed, stumble to the kitchen and then just stay there all day hunched over a laptop, drinking more cups of ambition than are strictly good for us.

Working from home can be a lot more fun than the boring old office slog. As youll already know from picking up this book, trousers are now entirely optional as long as you maintain an illusion of professionalism from the waist up, your boss and customers will be satisfied. And its not just your trousers that you can consign to the dustbin of history; you can say au revoir to tedious commuting, auf Wiedersehen to awkward small talk while youre waiting for the kettle to boil and sayonara to queuing for the photocopier.

Of course, its not all plain sailing here in WFH-land. After all, commuting gives you an excuse to sit down with a good book before starting work (not you, drivers unless its an audiobook, of course), kitchen conversations can be the best sources of office gossip and when youre WFH there actually isnt a photocopier, which is occasionally quite inconvenient, as it turns out. But still: no trousers trumps all of this.

WELCOME TO THE CLUB

This book is designed to welcome newbie WFH-ers into the world of optional trouserage, to celebrate everything that makes life at home more fun than the daily grind in the office, and to give you tips on how to Zoom like a total boss, win the obligatory Friday Quiz and basically get through the day without showing all your colleagues that you are, in fact, trouserless.

Whether youre a recent convert to WFH or a long-term freelance hermit, you are welcome here fun, flexibility, unlimited snack breaks and stretchy clothes await you! Youll be a pro in no time. And you never need to wear trousers ever again.

Coffee, obviously ambition feels a bit, well, ambitious to those of us sitting in the pyjamas we were sleeping in last night. And the night before. And well, you get the picture.

WORKING-FROM-HOMERS, UNITE!

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR:

SOCIAL SKILLS

CURRENT CLOTHES SIZE

ABILITY TO DRESS SMARTLY BELOW WAIST LEVEL

YOUR TIMETABLE FOR THE DAY

A common problem of the WFH lifestyle is that time loses its structure, and every day (heck, every hour) can feel much the same as the one before. So boss your day from sun-up to sun-downer with this handy timetable.

7:00 A.M. Your alarm goes off. You remember you dont have to wear smart clothes, do your make-up or commute anywhere. Back to sleep!

8:00 A.M. OK, its probably time to think about getting up now. Sorry about that. Youll want to plan your outfit of the day. No meetings? Might as well stay in your pyjamas. Big presentation to the board? Time to dig out that shirt and jacket you last wore in February 2020. Youve got this!

9:00 A.M. Better crank up the computer and find out what delights are waiting in your inbox.

9:05 A.M. COFFEE BREAK (you dont want to rush things, after all).

9:30 A.M. Plan the day, answer an email or two, WhatsApp your work BFF.

10:00 A.M. Company meeting: time to break out your interested employee face. Dont worry, it wont last too long. And then you can have another

10:30 A.M. COFFEE BREAK

11:00 A.M. Time to get some work done.

12:00 P.M. LUNCH BREAK (well done for holding out so long, you hero).

1:00 P.M. EXERCISE: you could theoretically still be at lunch, so you might as well take a spin round the park for an hour. If anyone asks, youre brainstorming new ideas, thinking blue-sky thoughts and shifting paradigms, even if it looks like youre just feeding the pigeons.

2:00 P.M. One-to-one meeting. You can tell your boss about that email you sent this morning. Nice going!

3:00 P.M. COFFEE BREAK (youre allowed to switch to tea if youre getting a bit twitchy).

3:30 P.M. Time to get some more work done (maybe).

4:00 P.M. COFFEE BREAK (youll definitely need biscuits with this).