Jaclyn Paul - Order from Chaos: The Everyday Grind of Staying Organized with Adult ADHD

Imagine coming home from a long day at work. You walk in your front door, hang up your coat, and look around. What do you see?

Had you asked me that question before my diagnosis with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), before I began my organizing journey, I know how I wouldve answered: I see a mess. I see a coating of dust on the floors and the furniture. Hang up my coat? No way. The coat hooks are sitting on the end table. Theyve been there for the past year and a half, waiting to be installed. Piles of junk crowd the first five stairs leading to the second floor. I see a dining room table heaped with unopened mail. I know theres at least one overdue bill in there, but I cant bring myself to look. After I find a place to set down my bag, I walk to the kitchen and see a bin of unwashed dishes next to the sink leftovers from a small party I had weeks ago.

Would you want to come home to this?

I didnt. I wanted a clean, tidy home. A place to retreat to after an exhausting day. A refuge. A place I felt comfortable and proud inviting friends and family. But I had no idea how to get there.

Keeping ourselves organized nourishes more than the faade we present to others. It lays the foundation for a satisfying life. To do what you want to do, to chase what you really want, to feel truly self-confident, you need to feel in control of your life.

Too many adults with ADHD have never known that feeling. We dont know what it feels like to finish a project on time (or at all) or feel proud of a job well done. When we read about traditional organize-your-life and personal development strategies, we feel left out. We assume they cant work for us. As our failures and our shame accumulate, we give up hope.

Of course, my mess extended beyond my physical surroundings. I suffered anxiety at work and feared being found out by colleagues who respected me. I forgot to pay bills on time. My employers finance office asked why Id failed to deposit checks theyd cut for me months earlier. I met any criticism from my husband with an explosive emotional reaction.

After a particularly damaging fight with my husband over the state of our home and finances, I began to seek change. I had first expressed suspicions of ADHD in high school. When my guidance counselor told me Id need to ask my parents and teachers to fill out evaluations, I stopped pursuing it. At that time, academia and my parents home provided enough structure and consequences to keep me in line. Now I could no longer strategize my way to an A.

My life was falling apart. Unsure where else I could turn, I reached out to my companys Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Many employers offer EAPs, which provide free, confidential short-term counseling and referrals for work and personal crises. I met with a counselor who assessed my situation and referred me back to my primary care doctor for a prescription.

From that day on, I worked hard to dig my way out of the mess. I kept learning about ADHD. I made an effective treatment plan (which included more than a simple prescription for stimulants). When the time came for me to quit my job to take care of my son full-time, this added a whole new challenge. I took primary responsibility for our household and created my own structure my own day every day.

And yet, even with this increased autonomy and responsibility, I managed to thrive. Our home isnt perfect, but its always presentable enough for unexpected guests or impromptu dinner parties. I dont pay my bills late anymore. I end each week with an empty mail (and email!) inbox. I no longer feel like Im wasting half my life looking for lost items or fretting about unfinished projects around the house. Against all odds, my life feels more peaceful and orderly than that of some of my non-ADHD friends.

Through those years of researching ADHD and interacting with the ADHD community, I realized how lucky my husband and I were. Two adults with ADHD (a fact we realized years after our vows), happily married, caring for a home and a small child, saving enough for retirement, enjoying a reasonable level of success in our personal and professional endeavorsit wasnt a story I heard often. Adults with ADHD experience nearly double the divorce rate of the general population. Among couples who stay together, discord and financial struggles are common.

Eager to help others avoid the lessons Id learned the hard way, I started my blog, The ADHD Homestead, in 2014. Since then, Ive written over 100,000 words about my experiences building a satisfying life with adult ADHD. These words have reached tens of thousands of people around the world.

The responses from my readers inspired me to write this book. When blogging has felt most thankless, my spirits have been buoyed by people who take the time to say, thank you. Or my favorite: youve given me a lot to think about. Knowing my words had the power to help others that they were helping others pushed me to do more. To dig into my whole personal organizing journey, I needed more than an 800-word blog post, or even a series of them. I needed a book.

Think of this book as a quick-start guide to getting organized. I reference several popular organizing systems and tools and give you my take on how ADHD may have kept you from sticking with them. Youll learn how to mount a more successful attempt, and how to bounce back from failures and learn from them instead of seeing them as evidence that youll never succeed. This is how youll organize your life for the long haul.