James B. Stenson - To Be a Man: Life Lessons for Young Men

To B e a Man

Life Lessons for Young Men

James B. Stenson

To Be a Man: Life Lessons for Young Men

Copyright 2011 James B. Stenson .

All rights reserved. First printing, January 2012

ISBN 978-1-59417-162-8

Published by Scepter Publishers, Inc., New York (800)322-8773 / www.scepterpublishers.org

Because you're a busy young man,I'll get right to the point and explain what this small book is all about andwhy I wrote it for you.

This collection of notes is written formen mid-twenties and younger who wantand probably needto profit from theexperiences of people who've lived an active, productive life.

It deals with some of those issuesimportant to a young man as he sets the course of his life as a workingprofessional and head of a familythe overriding importance of strongcharacter; making the most of one's education; finding what you're good at and thenplanning a career; preparing for marriage, living as a loving and supportivehusband and father; acquiring social graces; dealing with friends; sizing uppeople; overcoming worries; standards of professionalism and professionaletiquette; setting priorities and managing time; knowing nonsense when you seeit; living as a responsible and engaged citizen; and enriching one's spirituallifewhich is the power that holds everything else together.

Simply put, these notes ofexperience are really aimed at helping you find what we all seek inlifehappiness.

Joseph Addison, aneighteenth-century English essayist, wisely said that there are threecomponents to happinesssomething to do, something to love , and something to hope for.

"Something to do" meansmeaningful work, putting our powers up against problems for the sake of others'welfare.

"Something to love" meansan object for our hearts, for our capacity of sacrificial giving ofselffamily, friends, country, God.

"Something to hope for" meansour spiritual values, our trust in God's help, our religious faith projectedinto the future.

Work, love, and faith are thus thesecrets to happiness.

So the contents of this book arededicated to helping you give greater life to, and thereby find greaterhappiness in, your work, your love for family and friends, and your interiorlife of friendship with God.

To look at the matter another way,youth is a crucially important time of life that should be thought outcarefully, though it seldom is. What happens in the years of youthages sixteento twenty-five, let's sayhas deep and lasting influence. The habits you form,the friends you make, and the ideas and ideals you internalizeall these havelifelong consequences.

This is why there's a tradition in Westernhistory of teacher-mentors assembling notes of experiencewords of shrewdness,encouragement, wisdom, and savvyto firm up the judgment and conscience ofyoung men just setting out in life. For example, Baltazar Gracian's thoughts graced The Art of Worldly Wisdom. Castigione published The Courtier for young men ofhis day. St. Josemara Escriv composed The Way for students and young workers whom he befriended and led in spiritualdirection.

This brief book of mine followstheir example. It's my hope that you will learn from these comments, allgleaned from people's experience in a host of situations, about the contours ofa life well lived.

An American philosopher once definedwisdom as "the art of knowing what to ignore." He meant discerningwhat's important from what's not in a host of situations. It is my hope thatyou will grow in wisdom by learning from the experience of others set out inthese pages.

You should not wait for a crisis todetermine what's really important to you. If you set your principles firmly inplace now, while you are young, your life will be confident and thereforejoyful, active, and effective. It's easy to make decisions and stick with themwhen you know what your principles are. For people without principles, life isalways complicated.

What sort of savvy advice am I talking about? Here area few examples of what follows in this book, all taken from people'sexperience:

Your personal integrity is yourgreatest asset. The word integrity is related to the word "integer,"which denotes some sort of unity. So integrity means unity, but unity of what?Of three things: intention, word, and action. You mean what you say, you saywhat you mean, and you keep your word. In other words, you consistently tellthe truth and you follow through on your promises. This commitment to truth andhonor is absolutely essential to a clean conscience, a healthy marriage, and asuccessful career, no matter what you do for a living.

Tedium is part of life. Most really importantachievementsmoving up in a career, forming a stable family life, masteringsome skillinvolve stretches of repetitive and apparently nonproductive action.Having a great goal or ideal is what turns drudgery into an adventurous andsporting pursuit.

Love isn't just a bundle of sweet sentiments.Real love means sacrifice. It means taking on responsibility. Real love is thewillingness and the capacity to undergo difficulties, hardship, setbacks,tedium, disappointmentsall for the sake of someone else's welfare andhappiness. This love is lived every day by conscientious parents, dedicatedclergy, and those in the military who have sacrificed for our country.

If you are thinking seriously of marryingsomeone, you should take a long, close look at the way she treats her family.Is she affectionate with them? Is she loyal to them, grateful, and generous? Oron the other hand, does she treat them with self-centered spite, resentment,ingratitude, and indifference? (Remember: the opposite of love isn't hatred;the opposite of love is indifference.) Pay close attention to all theseattitudes, good and bad, because that's probably the way she will treat herhusband.

Don't ever "pad" or otherwise lie onyour resume. The one thing any company will fire you for on the spot, evenyears later, is the discovery that you've lied on your resume.

In professional life, dress for the job youwant, not the one you have. Your bosses will notice.

Contrary to popular mythology, you don't grow upwhen you can take care of yourself. Any animal can do this. You really grow upwhen you can take care of othersand want to. That's why maturity meansresponsibility. And responsibility is another term for love.

***

Life is short. As a Russian proverbsays, "We pass through life like a knife through water." Life'spassage is brief and turbulent, and it leaves only a fleeting wake; it's overquickly, and most people leave no trace behind them. Your life should not belike this. Your life should have savor, purpose, meaning .This book will, I hope, show you how to live the life God wants for you, a lifeof rich adventure.

Let us start by considering theall-important subject of character.