Mitchell Beazley - The Hoxton Street Monster Supplies Cookbook

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ABOUT THE SHOP

If you happen to be strolling around the streets of East London, you might chance upon this splendidly appointed yet delightfully unassuming shopfront. Monsters have been crossing the threshold of Hoxton Street Monster Supplies since the shop opened back in 1818, with the local human population largely oblivious to the nocturnal comings and goings of the capitals Vampires, Zombies, Dragons, Sasquatches and Trolls.

Behind the traditional faade lies a wealth of everyday items for the living, dead and undead. As the only purveyor of monster supplies in London (and possibly in the world), were proud of our long history of helping the monster community thrive in the heart of the city. From sweet treats like Cubed Earwax, to gifts like Bah! Humbugs, and Banshee Balls, this one-stop monster supply shop caters to every taste, whim and fancy.

One of our primary aims is to help our clientele navigate through the increasingly tricky terrain of the modern world, and to ensure that their traditional way of life isnt threatened and their culture is respected and protected. Our range of carefully crafted products, including Tinned Fear and Salt Made From Tears, enables customers to continue scaring, hunting, shape shifting, transmogrifying and reanimating with impunity.

THE HISTORY OF THE SHOP

Though the history of our shop is distinctly murky, we are fairly confident that Hoxton Street Monster Supplies was founded by Igor, the celebrated personal assistant to both Victor Frankenstein and Count Dracula. He subsequently worked closely with several other notable monsters, but after a tragic incident with a vat of snot found himself out of work. He fled Transylvania, and arrived in London in 1817.

His previous career meant Igor was a fount of knowledge when it came to remedies, personal grooming and fine consumables. He soon became a major player on the London monster social scene, with monsters travelling far and wide to ask him to procure hard-to-find remedies and groceries. Igor spotted a gap in the market and opened the shop on Hoxton Street. It quickly became a convening point for Londons monster communityproviding much-needed social contact, insider information on good scaring locations and, naturally, the finest range of gourmet monster groceries in the capital.

Fast-forward to 2010 when we completely overhauled and modernized the interior. Hundreds of years of cobwebs were cleared, electricity was installed and we even set up a website. Perhaps most controversially, the shop became fully visible and accessible to human customers.

Naturally, many of the older generation of monster clientele were alarmed by these sudden and dramatic changes. But they quickly appreciated not having to wear reading glasses when browsing the shelves, and being able to shop online during inclement weather.

THE CURSE OF CREATIVITY

Due to a rather inconvenient curse, all our profits go to the Ministry of Stories, a creative writing and mentoring charity for young humans. We are doing everything in our power to rectify this intolerable situation.

Golden Rules for Entertaining

Whether its a family gathering or a dinner party for friends, the diverse dietary, social and cultural requirements of different members of the community mean that careful planning must take place before any event. From sending out invitations (large print for Cyclopses; simplified text for Zombies; voicemail for illiterate Giant Apes and Swamp Creatures), to choosing the menu and entertainment, social gatherings can be a balancing act of epic proportions. So, while it is perfectly possible to host a party with an eclectic guest list, it is advisable to follow a few simple guidelines for a successful celebration.

If Vampires are on the guest list, be sure to start proceedings after dark and keep garlic firmly off the ingredients listif possible, out of the house completely. You might also want to advise any human guests to wear a scarf or roll-neck jumper: Vampires can be very restrained in social situations but you dont want to risk temptation after a couple of aperitifs.

If your party falls during a full moon, adjust the catering accordingly: Werewolves have particularly voracious appetites at this time and can devour twice the regular portion size of each course.

Zombies take things very slowly so allow extra time for dinner and niceties. It is also advised to plan a simple menu around these gueststheyre not the sharpest tools in the box and anything too complicated could quickly use up the few remaining brain cells they possess.

Under no circumstances should you seat a Cyclops next to a Giant Spider. Despite their size, Cyclopses tend to be sensitive about their solitary eye and they might construe the seating plan as an underhand insult.

If you have small humans, think carefully before inviting Under-the-Bed or In-the-Cupboard Monsters to your soire. Although they rarely mix work with pleasure, they can sometimes mistake the suggestion of after-dinner party games as an open invitation to scare children witless in the name of light entertainment.

Keep Swamp Creatures off the guest list if youve recently had new carpets fitted. Some hosts offer slime-proof onesies on arrival but there will inevitably be a certain amount of leakage during the course of the evening.

Dragons and Yetis should be seated at opposite ends of the table for obvious reasons of temperature controla hot Yeti does not make for a convivial dinner guest. If they do get a little flushed, open the freezer door and perch them in front of it for half an hour.

Zombies are very self-conscious about shedding errant limbs and will often turn down dinner invitations for fear of dropping a finger into a fondue or losing a leg during a game of Twister. You can pre-empt this by supplying a large box or bag for life, in which they can deposit loose limbs and collect them when they leave.

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