Eberhard Bethge - Dietrich Bonhoeffer : Theologe, Christ, Zeitgenosse

I'VE BEEN PRIVILEGED to counsel couples for more than thirty years, and in that time I've seen my share of marital struggles. But what I've also seen, time and time again, is the power of God to transform relationships. When two people commit to each other-and especially when they commit to communicating love to each other through the five love languages-positive change occurs.

Because my background is in marriage counseling, I tend to use the language of marriage when I write. Some of the issues I address are marriage specific. However, if you're a dating or engaged couple, I hope you will read this book too. There is plenty of helpful information for you as well. The building blocks of marriage-such as good communication, respect, unconditional love, and forgiveness-are foundational to any romantic relationship. And learning to identify and speak your loved one's love language will benefit a couple at any stage.

You can use this devotional individually, or sit down together as a couple to read it each day. Use the prayer at the end of each devotion as a starting point for your own prayer-whether you pray silently together or aloud, one at a time. In just a minute or two every day, you can discover encouraging biblical insights.

Whether your relationship is strong or struggling, stable or challenging, my prayer is that this devotional will encourage you and give you renewed joy in each other. May your relationship be strengthened this year as you focus on loving and growing together.

Gary Chapman

Three things will last forever faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love. Let love be your highest goal! 1 CORINTHIANS 13:13-14:1

AFTER THIRTY YEARS of counseling couples, I'm convinced there are five different ways we speak and understand emotional love-five love languages. Each of us has a primary love language; one of the five speaks to us more profoundly than the other four.

Seldom do a husband and wife have the same love language. We tend to speak our own language, and as a result, we completely miss each other. Oh, we're sincere. We're even expressing love, but we're not connecting emotionally.

Sound familiar? Love doesn't need to diminish over time. The end of the famous "love chapter" of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, says that love is of great value and will last forever. In fact, the apostle Paul says that love should be our highest goal. But if you're going to keep love alive, you need to learn a new language. That takes discipline and practice-but the reward is a lasting, deeply committed relationship.

Lord, thank you for creating each of us so differently. Keep me from assuming that my partner thinks and feels the way I do. Please give me the patience to find out how I can most effectively communicate love to my spouse.

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. i JOHN 4:11-12

MY RESEARCH INDICATES that there are five basic languages of love:

c w Words of affirmation-using positive words to affirm the one you love

nv Gifts-giving thoughtful gifts to show you were thinking about someone

nv Acts of service-doing something that you know the other person would like

nv Quality time-giving your undivided attention

nv Physical touch-holding hands, kissing, embracing, putting a hand on the shoulder, or any other affirming touch

Out of these five, each of us has a primary love language. One of these languages speaks more deeply to us than the others. Do you know your love language? Do you know your spouse's?

Many couples earnestly love each other but do not communicate their love in an effective way. If you don't speak your spouse's primary love language, he or she may not feel loved, even when you are showing love in other ways.

The Bible makes it clear that we need to love each other as God loves us. The apostle John wrote that God's love can find "full expression" in us. If that's true for the church in general, how much more true is it for a couple? Finding out how your loved one feels love is an important step to expressing love effectively.

Father, help me to be a student of my spouse. I want to know how best to show my love. Please give me wisdom as I try to determine my beloved's love language.

I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. JOHN 13:34-35

WHAT DOES YOUR SPOUSE most often request of you? This is usually a clue to a person's love language. You may have interpreted these requests as nagging, but in fact, your spouse has been telling you what makes him or her feel loved.

For example, if your mate frequently requests that you take a walk after dinner, go on a picnic, turn off the TV and talk, or go away for a weekend together, these are requests for quality time. One wife told me,"I feel neglected and unloved because my husband seldom spends time with me. He gives me nice gifts on my birthday and wonders why I'm not excited about them. Gifts mean little when you don't feel loved:' Her husband was sincere and was trying to demonstrate his love, but he was not speaking her love language.

As we see from the verse above, Jesus instructed his disciples to love each other as he had loved them. How does God love us? Perfectly and with complete understanding. He knows us, and he knows how we can experience his love. We can never love perfectly this side of heaven, of course. But discovering the love language of your spouse is an important step in the right direction.