Jo Weldon - The Burlesque Handbook

This handbook grew out of a set of handouts originally given to students of the New York School of Burlesque. It is a guide for aspiring performers, as well as for everyone who is a fan of or curious about burlesque. Ive had hundreds of students who have used the techniques in this handbook to create their own routines to perform, and in some cases, their own careers!

Ive been onstage thousands of times, and have watched performances tens of thousands of times more, but performances originate offstage. I call this book a backstage guide because many of the techniques and standards I describe here were learned from lively, informative, and often contradictory discussions that took place backstage over thirty years of performing at Rocky Horror Picture Show midnight shows, poetry readings, strip joints, fetish parties, cabarets, circuses, special events, festivals, sideshows, theatrical productions, and, of course, burlesque shows. Ive tried to distill that knowledge (yes, I have that knowledge) into two hundred pages of information you can use, abuse, or flout as you will.

Come on in and become a burlesque insider!

Margaret Cho in burlesque regalia P HOTOGRAPH BY A USTIN Y OUNG.

I love burlesque. I think of the modern world of burlesque as a liberating, dizzying explosion of feathers, glitter, rhinestones, and feminism. Whatever can be said while utilizing the female (and male) form is exactly what I need to hear.

My first experience with burlesque came through my belly-dance teacher, the legendary Princess Farhana. She invited me to a Velvet Hammer show, and I was instantly smitten. The dancers represented all different types of women, from the very voluptuous to the teeny-tiny and everything in between. The costumes, the glory, the theatrics, the nudity! How thrilling! As someone who has grown up with an intense amount of body shame, having suffered from eating disorders of every kind for most of my teenage and adult life, burlesque has been the ultimate cure. Watching a beautiful woman enjoying her body, sharing it with an audience basking in her humor and sensuality and loving her as she loves herself, teasing and taunting them in a sexy hide-and-seek using fans or other fanciful propsthis is the antidote to our poisonous and deadly depressing body issues. One of my very favorite dancers, the illustrious and incandescent Tigger!, said, The best thing I ever did for my body was to start showing it ! This is the ultimate truth.

After seeing my first burlesque show, I was obsessed with trying it myself. It wasnt so much that I had such an exhibitionist streak in meit was more that I was seeking to silence the constant drone of self-hatred that ran on in my head. Even though I had talked a lot about the importance of self-acceptance and self-esteem in my work, I hadnt found total peace with myself or my body. There was always something I wanted to fix or change, and my weight was always the focal point of my unhappiness. However, when I would see a dancer who was larger than me be beautiful and happy and perfect in the moment of her lovingly choreographed routine, wearing an outrageous costume, then taking it offI felt a freedom within myself that was unparalleled. I saw that happiness didnt have to be a smaller size; it was an attitude. I didnt have to diet, I just had to put on pasties! What a revelation! I realized that feeling beautiful had power and political potential.

My burlesque debut was during the 2006 Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend at the Miss Exotic World Pageantwhich is basically American Idol for burlesque dancers, an annual event where the strippers take over Las Vegas for a weekend to commune, collaborate, commiserate, and compete! I hosted the competition, which was incredible because I got to see so much of the amazing universe of burlesque all in one place. Then, on the last night of festivities, I performed my first number. I had two wooden cobra puppets that flew out of my black feathered dressing gown. The snakes slithered all over my body until I couldnt stand it anymore and I stripped down to black fishnets and gorgeous iridescent rhinestone pasties (made by the infamous Miss Indigo Blue), all to Portisheads Glory Box. The crowd immediately jumped to their feet in a thunderous standing ovation. In over a quarter of a century as a performer, I had never received such tremendous applause.

I was hooked, and I began hosting a monthly benefit burlesque variety show called The Sensuous Woman in Los Angeles. The Sensuous Woman family grew as the show became more and more popular. We toured all over the country and finally set up shop at the Zipper in NYC. Our off-Broadway run was a wild blur of ostrich-feather fans, ballroom shoes, and double-stick tape. We did so many shows, our glamorous costumes didnt smell so glamorous by the end of the week. We still looked good, though.

Margaret performing in The Sensuous Woman at the Zipper Theater, NYC.

My favorite act to perform during this show was my big drag number. I was having a Louise Brooks moment when I conceived it, but it was more along the lines of What if Louise Brooks was a drag queen? I chose a beautiful aria from Tristan and Isolde for the music. I had a white flapper dress that I never ever wore but loved, so I put that on and made that my costumeafter finding some glorious and expensive pasties and matching panties to go with it. I realized I needed fans, too, so I splurged on a set of giant red ones. I had taken fan dance classes with several teachers, including Jo Boobs, and I worked very hard to make my fan dance technically strong and graceful.

Then I went to a special effects specialist, a friend of my husbands, who made a very light yet very realistic flaccid latex penis. It was very hard to find a dildo that was like a flaccid penis. I needed one that would fit into panties and still look like something when I stripped them off, so it had to be collapsible, and it isits fully collapsible and can be attached to my crotch with double-stick tape! The choreography was simple, just a classic fan dance really, but with a big surprise ending. The audience really didnt know what to do. At first I would try to seduce them, being very feminine and coy with myself, a very shy, teasing kind of dance. But then at the end, when I would reveal that very real-looking and startlingly plain penis, people would really freak out. I almost cried the first few times that I performed it because the audience reacted so strongly: screaming! People were literally screaming. I had never had a performance experience like that.

Jo Weldon was one of my very favorites, and I would try to change as quickly as I could between numbers so I could watch her perform every night. She would emerge as a vision in amethyst, playing the character of a silky and sultry flight attendant to Princes International Lover, eventually wrapping herself up like a gift in bondage, in purple rope, the color looking so deep and royal against her milky white skin. My favorite image of a burlesque dancer is Jo, strong but naked, in bondage but unbelievably free, holding us all captive with her beauty.