Sophie Cachia - Then There Was Her

How falling in love with a woman turned her whole world upside down.

Then There Was Her

Sophie Cachia

Bobby Mac, Florence Margaret and my future babies

For changing my entire perspective on life and giving me the greatest honour in life.

My only wish for you is that you live happy, whatever that looks like.

Mumma will never judge you. Instead, I promise to be forever inspired by you.

Every day is for you.

Jaryd

My first true love. Thank you for teaching me about what real family and true loyalty means.

I will love you forever.

Mum and Dad

For the most incredible childhood memories.

Im sorry it took me becoming a parent myself to appreciate the pressures and sacrifices you made for me and my three sisters. I now live to create as many of these as I can for my own babies.

BK

For ringing me at the exact moment I needed you to.

I cant imagine my life without you, nor do I ever want to.

F rom the moment my wife told me she was attracted to a woman I knew our relationship was going to change dramatically.

But did I think that would kick off a series of events that would eventually lead to our marriage breaking down? Not for a second.

She walked in one evening after speaking on a panel and I could just tell something was different. Id never seen her like this before.

I had the strangest thing happen to me tonight, she said, sounding confused and excited. I met this woman. And I was attracted to her. I dont know what it was. Ive never felt like this before, but I was really turned on by this woman.

I wasnt surprised at all that she told me, because honesty was always a huge part of our relationship.

It was kind of like meeting a female version of you, actually. It was weird.

I couldnt have guessed how important that night would be in either of our lives, but I did know that things were about to become very different. I could see it in her eyes: she was taken by this person. There was something in the way she spoke, in her body language that told me this was a big deal. And I know Sophie shes an extremely driven person, and if she wants to do something, shell do it and shell do it well. Ive never met anyone like her and I commend and respect her for it. But I knew that she was going to need to follow this thing and see where it would lead her. It was just in her nature.

I wasnt worried; not exactly. But I knew in the back of my mind, that something was going to happen; that there was no way this would be our last conversation about it. Of course, I had no idea where it would go, but knowing how spiritual Sophie is, I was certain it wouldnt be a one-night flirtation. When something that momentous happens to her, she needs to explore, and I was sure that she would be driven to suss out what that experience had meant and why shed felt that way about another woman.

Over the months that followed, I could tell it was playing on her mind as the two of them struck up a bit of a friendship. Soph would speak about how attractive this girl was and she was right, this woman was hot pointing out features she loved, dropping little comments here and there, and wed go together to watch her play footy. They were hanging out a bit, which I was totally on board with like I said, we were always very honest and I was never jealous. Thats just not me.

I remember when she came in one morning after a big night out it was the morning of our sons birthday party and shed gone out with some friends the night before. Shed crawled into bed at, like, 5am so hungover, and then came in to talk to me while I was in the shower a couple of hours later. She was hunched over, clearly feeling like shit, but she had this little smirk on her face.

Ive got to tell you something, she started.

You kissed her, didnt you?!

She burst out laughing.

Im not an idiot, I laughed. I knew something was going to happen, the way you kept talking about her! So what was it like? Again, thats just how we were we told each other everything. She was hungover as all hell telling me about it, sharing exactly what had happened, and it was so clear in that moment that things were going to change and they were going to change quickly. Back then, she was so straight, so for her to then be kissing a woman was big. I just knew it wasnt nothing.

Anyway, Soph was like the walking dead, and we had to get out of the house and get our kids to our son Bobbys birthday party, so we didnt talk about it any more until we were back home, having a cigarette out the back. It became pretty clear that she was more confused by this situation than anything. There was no malicious intent from her, and as this thing went on and continued to develop, Soph was more puzzled than I was so through the whole process, I just tried to put myself in her shoes and think about how she was coping. She was so open and honest about everything with me, and there was no point in me getting upset it wouldnt have achieved anything. I wasnt jealous at all, probably because I also wasnt surprised. Even though I was her husband and we were living under one roof, I didnt see it as my place to pry and ask questions the whole time. If Soph wanted to come to me and talk to me about it, then she did, and Id just sit and listen. I left it up to her to open up to me when she felt comfortable because if I had been constantly asking questions, she would have thought I was cracking the shits or getting upset and I think that wouldve probably pushed her away. As far as I was concerned, the ball was in her court with how she wanted to express herself and talk about the situation she was in.

On the outside it probably looked like we had it all. And we did have it good, we were the envy of all our couple friends great sex life, two beautiful kids, a home together But I was dealing with some of my own issues that were completely separate to what Soph was going through with her sexuality and her exploring herself. And those two things Sophs self-discovery and my own problems they came to a head in 2019, months after shed discovered her attraction to women.

Around the end of 2018, Sophie came to me and said things needed to change with us. To be honest, I didnt see it coming, I really didnt, despite her starting to have more experiences with women. Looking back, I mightve gotten a little comfortable in the relationship, a little complacent, but it was sort of where we were in that moment. I was the stay-at-home dad and at the time I was also going through the process to join the police force. I got to the last stage of applying and was knocked back for reasons that were outside my control to do with family history, relatives that had been in trouble with the law. I was open and honest in declaring that and I was pretty shattered when I was refused because of things other people had done.

I think thats where my problems really started. I was always the kid that wanted to be a police officer. Still inside me now, as a 30-year-old man, that eight-year-old boy is running around the house with his plastic gun on his hip, his badge, his handcuffs, wanting to be a copper. I knew Id make a fucking excellent police officer, too, and its a career that can open so many doors. I was desperate to get in. And then when I didnt, I was completely lost. Id come from playing AFL football, professional football, and as an athlete, Id developed a particular mindset, which I still have. When you leave that high-intensity world and you come back to the everyday nine-to-five, its really hard to figure out where you fit. Where am I going to get my kick from? How am I going to fuel that fire inside me? Trying to find passion that resembles training and playing at such high intensity is really tough, and when the only thing I ever wanted to do was taken away, I felt like Id lost my purpose in life.