Anita Saxena - Double Axel or Nothing

This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters and events in this book are the products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

DOUBLE AXEL OR NOTHING
Published by Outside Edge Books

Copyright 2022 by Anita Saxena

All rights reserved. Neither this book, nor any parts within it may be sold or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021953183

ISBN (paperback): 9781662920400

eISBN: 9781662920417

Contents

MAY

There are so many things I love about being a figure skater. Gliding in a spiral is my heart opening to the world. Jumping is flying. The world blurs when I spin. The way I can turn and lean my body is unlike anything I could do with my shoes on the ground.

There are also parts of being a figure skater that are not fun. The butt of my skating pants is covered with ice. My gloves are damp and starting to smell like wet gym socks. The ponytail that started on top of my head has slipped down to the nape of my neck. This stupid double axel makes me feel like a hamster at the pet store, running in an exercise wheel, getting nowhere. I have to get this jump. Ive been working on it for over a year. If I cant start landing it soon, my competitive figure skating dreams are over. Ill never be the next Alysa Liu or Michelle Kwan. They not only had their double axel by the time they were thirteen but all of their triple jumps too.

The voice that doubts everything I do fills my head: You are nothing without this jump. You cant do it.

I push off my toe pick and imagine Im jumping onto a tall step as I twist and squeeze my arms and legs. I rotate two and a half times in the air and...slam my butt on the ice. I get up, not bothering to brush the ice off my pants, and skate around the circle to try again.

Whats the point? Youre just going to fall again.

I glide backward, thinking about all the corrections Coach Karen has repeated over and over again: Step up on the horse. Be patient on my edge. Push off your toe pick. Make an h when you jump. Left arm meets right arm. Think about timing.

Its time to step forward, jumpand fall, again. I stand up and see red. I cant decide if I want to scream or cry.

The Zamboni doors open. Time to get off the ice. I grab my water bottle and blade guards and head for the locker room. I plop on a bench, sigh in frustration, and take off my skates. I dry the blades with a towel and cover them with soakers. I grab my yoga mat and take it out to the lobby. I unroll it by the stairs and vending machines. From here I can see the front doors. I put in my earbuds and listen to my Dont Give Up playlist. Its a mix of old and new songs. Eminems Lose Yourself fills my ears.

By the time Im done stretching, Mom and Dad are walking up the sidewalk toward the doors. I roll up the mat, store it in my locker, and race back to the lobby as my parents walk through the doors. Moms fair skin is flushed, so I know shes stressed or in a hurry. Her light brown hair falls in tendrils from her messy bun. Dad is still in his scrubs, so I know he came straight from work. He pushes his dark tortoise glasses back up his nose. Theyre always sliding down. Im a blend of them both: Dads dark hair, brown skin, big eyes and nose. Moms lighter skin and smaller frame. I get up to give them each a hug.

Hi, beta, Dad says, kissing me on the cheek. Beta means child in Hindi.

Mom gives me a hug. How was your day?

I shrug.

Dad reads something off his phone to Mom. The dentures wont be ready for delivery by tomorrow.

Ill call the patient to reschedule, Mom says.

Dads a dentist and Moms his office manager. They talk about teeth all the time.

Mom starts to dial as I say, We got to go. The meeting with Coach Karen starts like now.

She holds up a finger and walks away.

I bite back a groan.

Dad and I walk the opposite direction across the lobby. Sure enough, Coach Karen pokes her head out of the conference room. Hi, Ruby Rani! Dr. Swami. Were in here.

Coach Karen is always so put together compared to my frazzled, work-all-the-time parents. She looks white like Mom, but shes got glossy dark hair like me because her grandmother is Korean. Back in her day Coach Karen was an amazing figure skater and won several regional and sectional championships. Even though she doesnt compete anymore, she looks like every day is competition day: manicured nails, hair pulled back, and just the right amount of makeup. Mom looks like shes trying to make it through a battlefieldfilled with crowns and fillings.

Moms on the phone, I tell Coach Karen.

She can join us when shes done. She smiles and waves us in. Ill keep this quick. I know youve got a tight schedule, Dr. Swami. She offers us chairs.

We sit down. She replaces her smile with her serious face.

As you know, registration for regionals opens in September, and Ruby Rani will be turning thirteen at the end of June. That means with her current goals and age she will need to compete at the intermediate level if she wants to qualify for sectionals. To make it out of initial rounds and be competitive, she will need a double axel and at least one triple jump.

My fingers weave together tightly in my lap, and I frown. Karen has just pointed a bright spotlight on everything thats wrong with me as a figure skater.

Yes, she fell down at every competition this past season, Dad says, all matter of fact.

I shrink even smaller in my chair.

Coach Karen pauses. The way Dad says stuff has that effect on people.

Yes, but Ruby Rani received credit for jumps that were fully rotated. Our current judging system encourages skaters to try difficult jumps in their programs, even if they dont land them. Everyone has to start somewhere, Dr. Swami. Its one thing to land a jump in practice. Its another thing to do it in a high-pressure situation such as a competition, with music and hundreds of people watching.

Dad turns to me. Ruby Rani, are you able to land a double axel or any triple jumps in practice?

I bite the inside of my lip and shake my head.

Dr. Swami, Ruby Rani has been training very hard. She is getting closer every day. Her skating skills have improved this past season. Shes

Mom walks in. Sorry about that. What did I miss?

Have a seat, Mrs. Swami. Karen gestures to a chair beside us. She takes a deep breath and tries again. Im suggesting that we dont go to regionals this year and instead spend this summer working on her jumps with no pressure.

No regionals? I ask, fighting to keep my voice steady. Its not news that my parents dont believe in me, but now Coach Karen doesnt either?

Karen gives me a sympathetic smile. Ruby Rani, you are extremely hard on yourself. I dont see going to regionals being a positive experience for you this season. Lets keep training. Get those jumps. Improve your skating skills. Get more competition experience under our belt.

What I want most is to be the next Michelle Kwan or Alysa Liu and compete at the senior level by thirteen. Im barely at the intermediate level. Its all Ive worked for since I was ten years old and watched Alysa Liu win the US Figure Skating Ladies National Championship. When they hung the ribbon around her neck, the gold medal shined with success and accomplishment.