Stacey Steinberg - Growing Up Shared: How Parents Can Share Smarter on Social Media—and What You Can Do to Keep Your Family Safe in a No-Privacy World

Copyright 2020 by Stacey Steinberg

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Steinberg, Stacey, author.

Title: Growing up shared : how parents can share smarter on social media-and what you can do to keep your family safe in a no-privacy world / Stacey Steinberg.

Description: Naperville, IL : Sourcebooks, [2020]

Identifiers: LCCN 2019059007 | (trade paperback)

Subjects: LCSH: Internet and children--Safety measures. | Online social networks--Safety measures. | Children--Crimes against--Prevention. | Internet and children--Risk assessment.

Classification: LCC HQ784.I58 S733 2020 | DDC 004.67/8083--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019059007

Contents

Acknowledgments

This book would not exist without the help, dedication, and support of so many. Thank you to my agent, Stacey Glick. When we first connected, you saw the book I would eventually write, even when I couldnt yet see it myself. Thank you for slowly pushing me to come out of my head and to open my heart.

Thank you, Anna Michels, for your steadfast support, your detailed editing, and most of all, your wisdom as my words took flight. Im a novice author, and your patience and kindness meant the world to me. Thank you to Jenna Jankowski, Sharon Sofinski, Jessica Thelander, and Stephanie Washington for your detailed editing; Heather Morris, Jillian Rahn, and William T. Riley for their design work; Kay Birkner and Liz Kelsch for marketing and promotion; and the entire Sourcebooks team.

The idea for this book would not have grown past a short essay but for the tireless support I received from Dean Laura Rosenbury. Thank you, Laura, for pushing me past my comfort zone and supporting me every step of the way. Thank you to Lyrissa Lidsky, a friend and mentor who saw me through my imposter syndrome, always believing that my work was important and that my voice was strong. Thank you to Nancy Dowd for giving me the substance I needed to become a childrens rights scholar. Thank you, Amy Joyce, for taking a chance on me and giving me my first big break by accepting my essays for publication in the Washington Post . The seeds for this book were planted in those early essays. Thank you to Mari-Jane Williams, who continues to work with me at the Post , making my writing better with each edit.

There are so many colleagues at the University of Florida Levin College of Law who played an instrumental role in my scholarship. Thank you to the many members of our faculty who mentored me along the way to this books publication. Thank you to my wonderful assistant, Coreen Yawn, and to Brittney Ladd, Megan Testerman, and all of my former research assistants who helped me develop the earlier ideas incorporated in this book.

Thank you to Judge Tim Browning, Judge Denise Ferrero, Brian Kramer, Ophir Lehavy, Judge James Nilon, Judge Meshon Rawls, Jeanne Singer, Magistrate Nancy Wilkov, and the many mentors who guided me throughout my career. There are so many of you who helped me grow as an attorney and, more importantly, as an empathetic human being. To my writing mentors, KJ DellAntonia, Devorah Heitner, Jess Lahey, Sue Scheff, and Allison Slater Tate. Thank you for giving of yourself even when I had nothing to offer.

The ideas in this book are not mine alone. Thank you to the many scholars who paved the way for me to do the deep thinking needed to put this work together. To Bahareh Keith, who sat alongside me propelling these ideas into the medical community. To the many parents who shared their stories with me, thank you for being vulnerable and honest. To Cole and to Sarah, but most of all, to Phoebe. Thank you for allowing me to bear witness to your pain, for allowing me to grow in your light.

Thank you to my students, my family, and my friends. Many of you read drafts of my work, shared my articles, gave me ideas, and rallied my spirits along the way as I wrote this book. You know who you areI appreciate each one of you, and I am sorry I did not include all your names here. Special thanks to Mary Adkins, Anita and Gary Altschuler, Shana and Bob Amar, Nicole Bodlak, Kim Bosshardt, Tama Caldarone, Judy Clausen, Jonathan Cohen, Stephanie Comstock, Deborah Cupples, Jerry Deutsch, Teresa Drake, Andy Fass, Josh and Laura Gross, Jessica and Mike Gutter, Janna Harned, Adele Harris, Allison and Mike Haller, Amanda House, Kelly Imperi, Rabbi David Kaiman, Naava Katz, Stephanie Kirkconnell, Jill and Brian Koch, Holly and Ari Kurtz, Jennifer Kuvin, Lua Lepianka, Trisha Lolli, Judge Natalie Moore, Shalini Ray, Jennifer Sager, Josh Silverman, Danny Sokol, Holly Sprinkle, Amy Steinberg, Marcie Steinberg, Keri Wernecke, Mary K. Wimsett, Karen Yochim, Ronna Zaremski, and Jessica Zissimopulos for sharing your stories and allowing me to include references to some of them in this book.

Mom and Dadthank you from here to eternity and back again. To my kiddosbeing your mom makes me so proud. Thank you for giving me permission to share your stories in this book.

And to Benthis book started with our conversations, it grew because of your support, and it will finally make its way into the world because youve stood anchored by my side. I love growing up sharing my life with you.

Introduction

Our social media networks serve as a parents modern-day baby book. From posting our childrens ultrasound pictures to detailing their accomplishments, our newsfeeds follow their footsteps from cradle to college. Newsfeeds serve not only as a place for us to document these special moments but also as our guide; theyre where we turn when we want to ask our friends and family about parenting. Yet alongside the benefits of sharing on social media, there are risks.

Ive been an attorney since 2004, a mom since 2006, and a photographer since 2011. Over the years, my roles as memory keeper and memory revealer have been constantly in flux. While sharing my way through motherhood, I began to question whether I was putting my childrens privacy in jeopardy and whether their life stories were really mine to tell.