Dawn Hall Anderson - Women and Christ: Living the Abundant Life

1993 Deseret Book Company. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the publisher, Deseret Book Company, P.O. Box 30178, Salt Lake City, Utah 84130. This work is not an official publication of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the author and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church or of Deseret Book Company. Deseret Book is a registered trademark of Deseret Book Company.

Preface

This book is the sixth in the series from the annual Women's Conference, sponsored by Brigham Young University and the Relief Society of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Selections in this volume were presented in the 1992 conference.

We thank Carol Lee Hawkins, chair of the conference, and her committee of BYU faculty and Relief Society representatives, who spent many hours planning and coordinating the conference presentations.

We thank the staff of the Women's Research Institute, who helped create this volume. Tracey Wilkinson Sparks, Dawnmarie Lunnen, and Elise Bair transcribed hours of audio tape and coordinated transcripts, manuscripts, and page proofs between the authors and the editors.

We are grateful to the authors, without whose willingness to prepare their conference presentations for publication this book would not have been possible.

We are also grateful to our faithful readers, who so kindly report to us that they look forward to each volume. Royalties from these books are contributed to an endowment fund for the Women's Research Institute.

The Abundant Life

Lighten Up!

Chieko N. Okazaki

May 21: Slipped quietly out of bed so as not to disturb husband at 4:30 A.M. for an hour of reading scriptures, meditating, and writing in journal.

Went jogging before breakfast. Took time to smell the roses.

Made delicious whole wheat pancakes for the family for breakfast. My six-year-old said, 'Yucko, It looks gross!' I smiled sweetly and played a little game of 'Here comes the choo-choo' with him while I kindly and patiently explained why the Lord has ordained wheat for man.

While I was getting dressed, I polished my shoes, sewed on a button, designated two outfits for Deseret Industries, dusted my dresser top, and memorized one of the shorter chapters of the Doctrine and Covenants.

Had evil thought about a driver who cut in front of me. Immediately banished it by singing, "Know This, That Every Soul Is Free."

Do you recognize these diary entries? Do false standards of perfection haunt you even when you see through their Patti Perfect absurdity?

As a Relief Society general presidency, Elaine Jack, Aileen Clyde, and I receive letters and calls from many wonderful, faithful, righteous LDS women whose lives are burdened and blackened by inappropriate guilt. This guilt is not caused by sins for which they need to repent but by unrealistically high expectations of themselves or by someone who does not understand their life circumstances but who is nonetheless making a judgment about them that is painful. And at times women hear messages from their own sisters in the gospel and from the Church organization that reinforce feelings of sadness and inadequacy. This hurts me. This is not the gospel. It's not what the Church is for.

If we're doing the best we can, that's good enough. I see women who are doing their absolute level best in every waybut they keep track only of their mistakes. They make lists of things they haven't done instead of the phenomenal number of things they have accomplished. No matter what mountain of achievement they've just climbed, they stumble over molehills, saying things like, "But it's not enough" or "I didn't do it well enough." So before we go any further, I want you to learn my favorite Japanese proverb. It's very short, so I know you can memorize it. It is from the ancient book of Okazaki, chapter 1, verse 1: "Lighten up!" Say it to yourselfor even out loud. "Lighten up!"

Now, "Lighten up" doesn't mean "Be irresponsible." It's a message for women who are already taking their responsibilities so seriously that they feel burdened and weighed down by them. Remember that lovely promise from the Savior in Matthew 11:28-30: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

How can the burden be light? Because the yoke is a double one, designed for two. Jesus wants to be our yoke-fellow; but instead we struggle on, insisting on pulling the whole load ourselves, never realizing why it feels so lopsided. The Savior wants to share that burden, and we need to let him.

Lighten up! Let the sunshine into your lives. Don't be hard on yourself, and don't let other people be hard on you either. Give yourself credit for the good things you do. If you make a mistake, give yourself credit for trying. Laugh a lot. Catch yourself singing. Whistle or hum as you go about your duties. If you do only half of what you wanted to do, or do it only half as well as you'd like, pat yourself on half your back. But lighten up! Be light-hearted enough to float above the dark clouds and see the rainbows in your life.

The good news of the gospel is that who we are is okay. Our best is good enough. The Savior came for usjust as we are. If we were perfect, we wouldn't need a Savior. And heaven knows we do.

Guilt happens when we let things get out of control, when we get knocked off balance, and when we lose our sense of perspective. We start taking ourselves and our troubles too seriously. One of the best remedies I know is prayer. These are precious moments that help us see things from God's perspective and put everything back into focus.

I love the honesty and candor of children's faith, and one of my favorite books is Children's Letters to God. If you could write a letter to God, if you could ask him any question at all you had on your mind, what would it be? Here are some of my favorites:

"Dear God," writes a little girl named Martha, "I lost my glove again and I'm going to get heck unless somebody sticks up for me. Will you?"

Sherry writes: "Dear God, My father can never get a fire started. Could you make a burning bush in our yard?"

From Bert: "Dear God, O.K. I kept my half of the deal. Where's the bike?"

"Dear God," writes a young boy named Ward. "Where does everybody come from? I hope you explain it better than my father."

And this one may be my all-time favorite, from a little girl named Sylvia: "Dear God, Are boys better than girls? I know you are one but try to be fair."

And this one touches me: "Dear God, I want to be just like you when I am your age. OK? Tommy."

Well, don't you suppose God loved those prayers? I certainly would have, if I were God. How do we feel about our own prayers? Are there times when we could learn a lesson from these children about being straightforward about our hopes and needs?

I have a testimony that revelation is waiting to happen, that the Lord is eager and anxious to reveal himself to us if we only have eyes to see. There's a great deal I don't understand in the book of Daniel, but one thing is really clear to me: how hard Daniel worked to understand the revelation he received and how willingly and graciously God worked to clarify his understanding. For example, Daniel prayed a very intelligent and humble prayer: "O my God, incline thine ear, and hear; open thine eyes, and behold our desolations, and the city which is called by thy name: for we do not present our supplications before thee for our righteousnesses, but for thy great mercies." (Daniel 9:18.)