Trevor MacDonald - Wheres the Mother? Stories from a Transgender Dad

Well-written, engaging, friendly, informative, and laugh-out-loud in places I really enjoyed it.

FIONA GILES (Author of Fresh Milk: The Secret Life of Breasts and Dick for a Day: What Would You do if You Had One? )

Wonderful and eye-opening Doula Trainings International will be adding Wheres the Mother? to our required reading list for certifying doulas.

DOULA TRAININGS INTERNATIONAL

Trevor's story is both unique and universal. It is about a man breastfeeding his child, which is certainly unique, but it is also about a parent striving to give a baby the best possible nourishment, love and care which is something every parent understands. Despite the challenges, Trevor doesn't take himself too seriously: he always keeps his sense of humor and his humility. You can't help but be drawn into his story.

TERESA PITMAN (co-author, The Ultimate Book of Breastfeeding Answers and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, 8th edition )

I read this book more voraciously than I have read anything in a long time. As a pregnant trans person I greatly appreciated his story, being shared in his own words. It is woven beautifully with the stories of those he encountered along the way and helpful information about pregnancy, birthing and chestfeeding all written in language that felt relevant and accessible to me.

KOTI DORY (community educator and host of KCR radios Sex, Drugs, and How We Roll, www.kotidory.com)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. We hope you will share this ebook with others by purchasing a copy for each recipient. If you did not purchase this ebook, please return to your ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.

This book is a work of nonfiction. Certain names and identifying details in the introduction and book have been changed. URLs accurate as of 24 March 2016.

Cover: Helping to poke fun at gender roles is Jacobs milk donor Tara, an ivy-league PhD candidate. Photo: Rahim Ruda.

Published by Trans Canada Press Box 17, Group 16, RR1 Dugald, MB R0E 0K0

For interviews, personal appearances, and permissions: info@transcanadapress.com

Educational and bulk discounts are available. Contact sales@transcanadapress.com

Visit facebook.com/wheresthemother Visit Trevors blog at www.milkjunkies.net

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

MacDonald, Trevor, 1985-, author
Where's the mother : stories from a transgender dad / Trevor MacDonald.

Issued in print and electronic formats.
ISBN 978-0-9919645-1-2 (hardback).--ISBN 978-0-9919645-0-5 (paperback).--
ISBN 978-0-9919645-2-9 (ebook)

1. MacDonald, Trevor, 1985-. 2. Transgender parents--Manitoba--
Winnipeg--Biography. 3. Gay parents--Manitoba--Winnipeg--Biography.
4. Pregnancy. 5. Breast milk--Collection and preservation--Anecdotes.
6. Breastfeeding. I. Title.

HQ77.8.M33A3 2016 306.76'8092 C2016-901677-3
C2016-901678-1

Dedicated to my husband and children, who provided the basis for the subject material in the first place, and then made it nearly impossible to write it down;

to you, the ally who has come to read, learn, and laugh with me;

and to all the trans and genderqueer folks who live their beautiful lives in this difficult world.

: Going With the Flow by Fiona Giles

I offer my deepest thanks to Fiona Giles for contributing her thought-provoking introduction that situates the books narrative in terms of human rights and social justice. I am forever grateful to her, and to authors Diana West and Terry Jordan, who believed in me from the beginning and have taught me so much. Sincere, humble thanks to Meran Currie-Roberts, Sion Jesse, Mary Lynne Biener, Aimee Ouellette, Melissa Kent, Candice Fisk, Nitsa Ortchuk, Charlie Primeau, Kameron Logan and countless others who have provided encouragement and insights along the way. Finally, I extend my most heartfelt appreciation to the milk donors who helped to feed my babies and who were the inspiration for writing this book.

Foreword by Fiona Giles

People are different from each other. Its astonishing how few

respectable tools we have for dealing with this fact.

- Eve Kokofsky Sedgwick, Epistemology of the Closet, 1990

LAST WEEK ONE of my teenagers came home from school and said, Something interesting happened today.

What? I asked.

We had a school assembly and the Deputy Principal Miss Lawrence said that one of the kids from my year, Kimberly, is now Tom.

Did it create a stir?

No, not really. Miss just said theyd changed all his documents and hed like to be treated the same as everyone else.

Around the same time that this conversation with my teenager took place, celebrated United States Olympic athlete and television personality, Caitlyn Jennerformerly Bruce Jennerwas featured on the cover of the July 2015 issue of Vanity Fair , photographed by Annie Leibowitz. In the context of media history, this was reminiscent of an earlier Vanity Fair cover by Annie Leibowitz, in August 1991, which featured the actress Demi Moore, naked, and in her seventh month of pregnancy. A socio-political milestone had been reached.

Soon after the Jenner edition of Vanity Fair was released, celebrated African-American transgender actress and blogger, Laverne Cox, was also making news, quoted as saying that, unlike Jenner, shed decided against facial surgery because she prefers to keep her nose the way it is. This is my black nose, she said, and its gorgeous. The conversation in the media had moved on from the spectacle of difference-made-glamorous to a discussion of mundane aesthetics about body size and shape. It was interesting to see how the transgender debate was being absorbed into the familiar compare-and-contrast exercises between celebrities that are found every week in celebrity magazines the world over. Representations of transgender people had moved, just slightly, from freakishness to fabulosity. And in the realm of body modificationfrom botox to breast surgery and beyondwhats a little nose job, or gender confirmation surgery?

In the same period, still in the middle of 2015, the United States made international news when it joined seventeen other countries in legalising same-sex marriage. With similar laws in several other countries, such as Ireland and Finland, soon to be enforced, and popular support in others such as Australia, marriage equality is on its way to broader acceptance, at least in some Western countries. Another milestone in the journey toward equality is moving closer, adding this much-needed judicial stamp of approval to the symbolic achievements represented by the media in recognizing sexual difference. Battles for marriage equality and for transgender rights have in many ways been conducted separately; and at times these marginalized groups have been in conflict. Thus the timing of these advances provides a real sense of progress, as both the law and mainstream media support the rights of formerly persecuted individuals. There is of course considerable work still to be done to recognize the rights of transgender citizens, particularly in being granted adequate legal documentation, and equal access to health care. But gradual advances are being made in order to free all of us just that little bit more from the constraints of heteronormativity. Although transgender individuals need priority in this regard, its important to remember that their achievements will loosen the ties that bind all of us into uniformly gendered expectations. Progress in so-called minority rights benefits everyone.