Francesca Lia Block - Wood Nymph Seeks Centaur: A Mythological Dating Guide

Wood Nymph

Seeks Centaur

BY THE SAME AUTHOR

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Wood Nymph

Seeks Centaur

A Mythological Dating Guide

Francesca Lia Block

with illustrations by Fumi Mini Nakamura

Copyright 2009 by Francesca Lia Block

Illustrations copyright 2009 by Fumi Mini Nakamura

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information address Bloomsbury USA, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010.

Published by Bloomsbury USA, New York

All papers used by Bloomsbury USA are natural, recyclable products made from wood grown in well-managed forests. Th e manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Block, Francesca Lia.

Wood nymph seeks centaur : a mythological dating guide / Francesca Lia Block.1st U.S. ed.

p. cm.

eISBN: 978-1-60819-121-5

1. Dating (Social customs) I. Title.

HQ801.B626 2009

306.73dc22

2009008174

First U.S. Edition 2009

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Designed by Maria Elias

Typeset by Westchester Book Group

Printed in the United States of America by Quebecor World Fairfield

For Lydia (Fairmaid) Wills and Reg E.

(Gracefully Maturing Satyr) Cathey

Contents

Wood Nymph

Seeks Centaur

Y ou are lost in a dark forest, surrounded by gnarled trees that block out the sun and moon. The paths twist and turn and seem to lead nowhere. Strange creatures that both attract and frighten you lurk in the shadows. You both attract and frighten you lurk in the shadows.

This is not just any woodit is the dating forest. How do you survive? How do you find your way without a guide? The answer lies here.

My last boyfriend had curly hair that formed little horns on his head, a neat beard, well-developed haunches, and small, hoof like feet. He was lusty in bed and graceful on a skateboard. He took softly lit nude photos of me (mostly of my rear end, to be precise) and whenever I asked how he was when I saw him, he gruffly whispered in his thick accent, Better now. Once he told me he had never felt as close to anyone as he did to me. But at the same time he didnt like to be tied down and he kept our relationship a secret for months. He still seemed quite attached to his young, beautiful ex-wife. When we broke up, he seduced his next girlfriend with the exact same tactics he had used on me. He took her photograph and even made her the requisite CD mix. I wondered whether he used the same songs. I watched him speaking softly to this new woman with his sexy accent, doing skateboard tricks to impress her, or standing quietly by while she leaped around in front of him, just as I had once done. I was devastated. What had I done wrong? How was I lacking? I couldnt figure out what had happened or how I had fit into the dynamics of the relationship. I felt that I didnt understand at all the man Id spent a year with.

So I started dating, mostly on the Internet. Where else these days? It was the first time in my life I had really dated. I had been married for seven years, and before that had had only a few long-term relationships. All my past relationships had been chance encounters or introductions through friends, but these approaches felt too limited or random now. The Internet seemed to offer a world of possibilities.

But before I knew it, I had wandered into a dark thicket and lost my way. I was in a foreign, twisty, tangled forest without a map or a guidebook to help me understand all the new creatures that surrounded me. Which one was best suited for me? Who were they? For that matter, who was I, really? I was a loving single mother of two young children, a published writer, a loyal friend, a shoe fetishist, a part-time yogi, wild dancer, and love obsessive. And now I was also a dater. But what kind? And what kind of male dater should I be looking for as my potential mate?

At first I tried to answer these questions by jumping into emotional and sexual relationships with too many people, and much too soon. I knew I needed some guidance, but what kind?

When I was a little girl my father told me Greek myths as bedtime stories and my mother read fairy tales aloud. I loved to draw mythological creaturesfairies, mermaids, fauns chasing nymphs. As an adult I wrote about them in my novels and short stories. Myths and fairy tales are a part of me, a part of how I think about the world. Why had I cut myself off from them when it came to such an important aspect of my emotional lifedating? They had provided me with so much sustenance through the years (emotional and actualwriting about them is how I make my living). So why not draw on them now, when I really needed them?

I began to look at all my past relationships in this context. My ex-boyfriend was a Satyr. The ex before that was a Faun. I had had coffee with Giants. I had never become close to a Centaur. I had never even met a Woodsman, but for the first time I thought I might, because I was at last able to see and define him for what he was.

As for myself? I thought about it for awhile and determined that I was a Wood Nymph.

I recalled all my failed relationships, and when I looked at them through the lens of mythology, they no longer seemed so devastating. I felt seen, if only by myself. I felt a sense of order. Of course the Satyr left me. Of course I couldnt stay with a Faun. I was a Wood Nymph! It was like trying to date the wrong astrological sign. You might be able to triumph over fate in certain cases, but the odds are against you, so if you fail you neednt be discouraged. Just move on.

My restless writers mind, which likes to make sense out of everything, felt instant relief from the mythological dating exercise. I did it more and more. I could go into a room and classify almost everyone immediately. My friends of all ages, genders, and mythological types joined me, categorizing themselves and their dates, challenging me (So-and-so doesnt fit into any of your categories. You need a new one.), and adding their wonderful insights.