Heather LeRoss - Just Tell Me Im Pretty

Praise for Just Tell Me Im Pretty

Nothing is too private, too embarrassing or too heart-wrenching for Heather LeRoss to share. Honesty with lots of humor make Just Tell Me Im Pretty a book to read again and again.

Jen Mann, New York Times Best Selling Author of Working with People I Want to Punch in the Throat

Heather LeRoss writes for every woman and does so while bringing forth every emotion.

Bunmi Laditan, author of Confessions of a Domestic Failure

LeRoss brings you into the heart of her world with fearless, relatable honesty, affirming that despite all your bumblings and failures, the one thing you are not, is alone.

Kristen Mae, bestselling author of Red Water

Copyright 2017 Heather LeRoss

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means, without permission in writing from the copyright holder, except for brief quotations in a review or on social media. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent or because Im getting old and couldnt remember the right name.

Published by Kat Biggie Press.

Columbia, SC 29229

http://katbiggiepress.com

Cover design by Michelle Fairbanks, Fresh Design

Cover Art by Adrienne Hedger

Book design by Alexa Bigwarfe, Write|Publish|Sell

www.writepublishsell.co

Editing by Stacey Aaronson

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017957117

First Edition: November 2017

Just Tell Me Im Pretty

Musings on a Messy Life

Contents

Dedication

This word baby is dedicated to my real babies, Aidan and Gavin. Youll always be my baby boys.

Thank you for opening my heart to a world of love like Ive never known.

Introduction

Im a mom. If youre reading this book, I imagine youre a mom too. Or you want to be. Or you know a mom, had a mom... you get it.

Besides being a mom (which is enough), Im also a healer, a superhero, a magician, a yeller, a crier, and a believer. Im a mom to two boysone with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and one who often lives in the shadow of ADHD.

This book is written for any woman who has cared for a child, whether biological, adopted, step, or friend. It is for each of you who have loved so wholeheartedly that sometimes it feels like you cant hold any more love in your heart. It is for those of you who have given tirelessly to a childwatching them grow, struggle, and overcomeand held your breath with each step. Its for the woman who has felt completely alone in her mothering journey. For the woman who has hidden in her closet and cried, because sometimes, that is all she could do. To the woman who nursed a sick child round the clock, who gave every ounce of energy and love she had and never expected a thank you in return.

This is a thank you to you, for your love, your guidance, and your selflessness. This is also future payback for my two sons, who still ask me to wipe their butts, and who threaten to drive me insane with fart wars, pee stains, and their stink.

This book is also for the mothers of special-needs children, who attend endless parent-teacher meetings about their atypical child. To the moms who sit through those meetings, heart racing and holding back tears, because its just too much to hear how her child is lacking/falling behind/disruptive/lazy. To those moms who tenaciously fight to get their child the help they need, so that their awesomeness can shine through.

My hope is that someday, this wont be a fight. That we will unite in our desire to support one another and help our children thrive, whether its co-sleeping or not, breast or bottle, meds or no meds. To ensure our children grow, learn, and live in ways that suit them best. To be a safe place for each other in our journey, without the need to tear anyone down for doing things differently. To applaud ourselves. To embrace our childrens quirks and differences, and to make them feel normal.

I hope this book helps. I hope you know how awesome you are for waking every day and continuing to do your best. I hope you understand how remarkable you are, how amazing your child is, and that neither of you is lacking. They are perfect and so are you.

Were all warriors battling for our children to have the best life possible. Soldier on, Momma. I am with you.

Some people write bestsellers. Some people save lives. I just spent 23 minutes looking for the glasses on my head.

Chapter 1

Dear Neighbor: Im Sorry

It all started when I was on Pinterest looking for a hostess gift to take to an upcoming holiday party. The neighborhood is new; were all recently transplanted residents getting to know one another, and I was hoping to find something simple but ahhhmazing to make and take. Because yes, I admit that I care about what my neighbors think and am hoping to make a good impression. Especially after some of the things that have happened since my gang of boys and I moved in.

As I was looking at fun crafts to make with extra wine glasses (because for some reason, I have a shit ton of extra wine glasses), I realized what I should really do is write an apology letter to some of the neighbors for the things they might have noticed around our crib. It should probably be sent along with wine, since Im sure my gaggle has driven more than a few people to drink.

I decided I would put a humorous spin on the goings-on in my hood, so I wrote this letter:

Dear New NeighborPlease Let Me Explain,

I wanted to apologize for not stopping by to say a proper hello and welcome. I feel terrible for being so rude. I saw you wave this morning, and I wanted you to know that I was trying to wave back. Turns out I hadnt put the lid on my coffee mug correctly, and as I raised my hand (and coffee mug) to say hi, it spilled all over my lap. Ouch! THAT was why you heard me drive by and exclaim, Oh for fucks sake, youre an idiot! That was NOT directed at you but I can understand how, with my window rolled down, making eye contact with you and then belting that out, you might think it was directed at you. I was late to an appointment because the dog had decided it was the perfect moment to roll around in his own shit, which I had to clean up before leaving. I was frazzled, which explains why the lid was not tightly on my mug.

After this exchange, and the ones previously (blush), I thought a note of explanation was warranted so you dont end up quickly moving to the other side of the street when walking by, or telling your kids they cant come play at the weird neighbors house.

Last weekend, when I was walking my dog, I did wave (yay, me!) and noticed an odd look on your face when you waved back. I assumed you were just a little snooty and rude. It wasnt until I got home that I realized I was wearing my pink rhinestone-studded tiara. That might have looked a little crazy. See, my son bought me the tiara for Christmas one year and told me it made him sad that I never wore it. In truth, I hadnt been able to find it and was unpacking a box from our move (over a year ago) and found it! So I put it on to make him happy, then forgot I had it on and took the dog for a walk. I am NOT a woman who routinely wears a tiara to walk the dog, but I can understand how you might not believe that. Well, I guess I AM that woman but, well, you get it. Ill need to let the other neighbors know too. Who would have thought it would be THAT night that I meet five of our new neighbors!

I also wanted to explain the conversation you heard in the backyard the other day. As youve seen, I have three boys between the ages of seven and twelve. It gets a little wild here! Despite what you heard me yell, I wasnt literally going to duct tape my sons butt-hole shut if he didnt stop farting on his brothers head. I mean, I would love to (since the farts can seem endless), but I would never REALLY do that.