AJ Silver - Supporting Queer Birth: A Book for Birth Professionals and Parents

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Supporting
Queer Birth

A Book for Birth Professionals
and Parents

AJ Silver

First published in Great Britain in 2022 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

An imprint of Hodder & Stoughton Ltd

An Hachette Company

Copyright AJ Silver 2022

The right of AJ Silver to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library and the Library of Congress

ISBN 978 1 83997 045 0

eISBN 978 1 83997 046 7

Jessica Kingsley Publishers policy is to use papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products and made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes are expected to conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

Jessica Kingsley Publishers

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50 Victoria Embankment

London EC4Y 0DZ

www.jkp.com

My children, Izzy and Emma. Many times, you were told that Bubba was writing, dont go in there! But you came in anyway to tell me about the butterfly, rock or whatever you had seen that just couldnt wait. Thank you.

Dad, Bob Broadbent. 19522020

Grapsie, Kay Broadbent. 19282021

Mars Lord, for her continual, unwavering support for me and for her commitment to the non-binary and trans community. Too many texts of write bitch were sent and received, followed usually by You are dehydrated. Thank you. I didnt drink enough water.

Abbie, Adam, Adelaide, Ash, Caprice, Freddy, Gina, Helen, Jake, JB, Jen, Kayden, Kevin, Laura-Rose, Mari, Martha, Nathan, Nicki, Rivers, Sabia, Steph and Princess Leia.

It is so easy to forget why we are even here. Why do we need a book about births outside the cis heteronormative? While cries for all lives matter try to invalidate those of black lives matter, and confused voices search for international mens day, usually only around the time of international womens day, similar voices are raised asking when is Straight Pride. Why do we need an LGBT+ Pride month; why do we need a parade?

The reason? In the developed world, today, we are being killed, we are dying by suicide. We are being fired, we are being evicted, we are being attacked, physically, emotionally and financially, because of who we are, who we love.

In 2020, trans women of colour were the most murdered in our community.

Weve got people in Boston marching for Straight Pride, calls for our existence to be silent and preferably invisible, unless, of course, its for their entertainment or pornography. We are to be accused of shoving it down peoples throats. Weve only recently had our kisses, stories and lives represented in films, TV shows, government and sport. We have only been able to get married since 2000 (initially in the Netherlands, followed by just another 26 countries over the next 19 years).

This is a world where a court defence will hear and be influenced by the Gay Panic defence, where juries have been deadlocked on a murder case purely because the sexual orientation or the gender assigned at birth of a person was, according to the defendant, discovered after sex and the murderer was so enraged by the discovery that they pleaded that this is a reasonable explanation as to why they murdered them.

We arent just caricatures of flamboyant, catty men or butch, aggressive women. We exist in an endless myriad of existences. We are other than what the world expects or defaults to (straight, cisgender, white, non-disabled, housed etc.).

We thank our elders, across counties, races and religions, for their tireless and life-costing work they have done so far, but we are far from finished. We are far from equality.

We are here, we are queer, we procreate.

Get used to it.

This book is a chance to broaden your understanding and ability to support those who birth and parent beyond the binary, and the worlds cis heteronormative.

It is not the end, the final word on everything you will ever need to know. Its the start of your journey to being LGBT+ competent. Keep moving forward, keep talking, but know when to shush and listen, watch and absorb. Learn when to elevate the work of others, and when and how to speak up if it feels wrong.

Parts of this book have been written by individuals with first-hand experience of the oppression and difficulties of birthing, parenting or working in the industrys cis heteronormative bubble. Parts that arent written by the author directly are credited with the individuals information and contact details. When seeking information or education it is best to go directly to that community to listen and learn. However, take time to consider the emotional labour you are asking others to spend on your education. Payment has been made to everyone who has shared their time and story with us. We should never expect to be given this knowledge or skills for nothing.

Due to the very nature of the LGBT+ community, it is forever changing. Folk are always finding their people, finding their specific place on the spectrum of sexuality and gender. The infinite differences are important. They enable alienated folks who feel wrong or broken to find others who feel the same. Finding someone to walk the back streets of your mind and feelings with is a joy, a validation that cannot be underestimated. The alternative is that we have 11-year-olds typing Why do I like girls and boys? into BBC Bitesize because they are genuinely convinced that they are broken (showing my age here with BBC Bitesize!). We must never lose sight of the fact that although our differences are important, they do not divide the unity of our shared othering from the worlds cis heteronormativity.

As the title of this book suggests, because we have babies, we parent, we feed our babies. We want or need access to services and products. The difficulty comes when providers are worried about saying the wrong thing, so they say nothing at all. So, this is one of the aims of this book to hold the hands of professionals on those first few tentative steps into the inclusion of queerness.