Larry Crabb - Men of Courage: Gods Call to Move Beyond the Silence of Adam

N early a thousand men recently gathered at a conference that was designed to connect men in real, authentic relationships. I know the leaders of the conference. They are aware that one thousand men sitting face forward in a large convention center listening to a speaker is not the definition of connecting. They also know that meaningful friendships develop only during one-on-one conversations or in small groups where men relate authentically with each other, which few men actually do. And the conference organizers realize that courage the kind of courage that frees men to move deeply into other peoples lives grows in connected community.

The conference was meant to serve as a launching pad into a new kind of relating for men. But I came away from that event wondering if the men had a clear idea of what masculine relating looks like. It occurred to me that, in order for men to speak into the lives of their spouse, children, friends, and colleagues, three things were needed.

1. Men need a vision of what it means to come alive as men in relationships.

2. Men need to know, recognize, and be willing to talk about the obstacles to living the vision the fears and wounds and stubbornness that get in the way of becoming alive in their manhood.

3. Men need to be able to identify a well-marked pathway that will lead them into the meaning and satisfaction of living fully alive as men.

Allow me to elaborate on these three needs by telling you about a few of the men I met at the conference.

I met a young entrepreneur who is making it big: position, recognition, power, and money. He asked me why he felt so driven to climb the ladder to the top. This sincere young man needs to know that in the middle of legitimate business success, he must aim higher. He needs to see a vision of what it means to be a success as a man who bears the image of a relational God. As we thought together about such a vision, he openly acknowledged, This way of thinking is new to me.

I spoke with a middle-aged high school teacher who likes his work and is well liked by his students. He was twice up for teacher of the year in his school district. Perhaps because Im a psychologist, he let me know that his marriage is not strong and that he struggles often with feeling empty and seeing himself as a failure. He had no idea what was wrong with his marriage or why he was feeling such painful emotions. He needs to understand what is going on in his heart and soul that is getting in the way of living in the joy of manhood, as a husband and teacher.

A retired CEO of a multi-billion dollar company approached me. He stays active in what he is good at, consulting, and with what he would like to do well, mentoring. With deep passion, he told me he feels a chronic undercurrent of despair he called it angst that he cannot explain or manage. He needs to find a path that runs through his dark night with the promise of light ahead.

Do you recognize your own experience in any of these stories?

The book youre about to read paints a vision of true masculinity, of what it looks like to reveal the character of God by the way you relate. It grapples honestly with what all men struggle with and most deny, all the inner-world wounds, inadequacies, and proud competitiveness that block men from living the vision. And it calls men to a path that the Bible lays out for men to walk, a path they will want to walk when they see a vision of who they could become. Its a path that leads to the abundant life that Jesus came to give.

As you read Men of Courage, I pray you will be called to a new way of relating, one that gives you courage to move into chaos. Catch the vision. Confess the obstacles. Commit to walking the road to life. Lets walk together in the confidence that we are becoming who we most long to be, and the men our family and friends are waiting for.

Except where otherwise indicated, the primary narrative in the book is written by me, Larry Crabb. Contributions by Al Andrews and Don Hudson are noted in the text.

W here was Adam when the serpent tempted Eve? The Bible says that after Eve was deceived by Satan, she took some of the forbidden fruit and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, WHO WAS WITH HER [emphasis added], and he ate it (Genesis 3:6).

Was Adam there the whole time? Was he standing right next to his wife while the serpent tricked her with his cunning? Was he there, listening to every word?

If he was and there is good reason to think so then a big question must be asked: WHY DIDNT HE SAY ANYTHING ?

Before God created Eve, he had already commanded Adam to never eat from a certain tree. Adam was expected to pass on the prohibition to his wife when she appeared on the scene. We assume he did so.

But when the serpent struck up a conversation with Eve designed to muddle her thinking about Gods goodness, Adam said nothing. Yet he was listening to every word! He heard Eve misquote the command of God that he, Adam, had carefully communicated to her. He was watching when she began looking at the forbidden tree. He saw her take a step toward the tree and reach out to pluck some of its fruit. And he didnt do a thing or say one word to stop her. Adam remained silent! Why?

Remember, Eve was deceived by the snake, but Adam wasnt (1 Timothy 2:14). He knew what was going on. Perhaps he should have said, Now, wait just one minute here! Honey, this snake is up to no good. I can see right through his devilish cunning. Hes deceiving you into thinking you have more to gain from disobeying God than by remaining faithful to him. Thats a lie!

Let me tell you exactly what God said to me before he made you. And look around us. This is Paradise. God made it and gave it all to us. We have no reason to doubt his goodness. And then, turning away from Eve: Snake, this conversation is over. Take off!

But Adam said nothing. He stood there, heard and watched the whole thing, and didnt say a word. He failed the woman he loved. He failed, in his first spiritual struggle, to represent God. He failed as a man!

The silence of Adam is the beginning of every mans failure, from the rebellion of Cain to the impatience of Moses, from the weakness of Peter down to my failure yesterday to love my wife well. And it is a picture a disturbing but revealing one of the nature of our failure. Since Adam every man has had a natural inclination to remain silent when he should speak. A man is most comfortable in situations in which he knows exactly what to do. When things get confusing and scary, his insides tighten and he backs away. When life frustrates him with its maddening unpredictability, he feels the anger rise within him. And then, filled with terror and rage, he forgets Gods truth and looks out for himself. From then on, everything goes wrong. Committed only to himself, he scrambles to make his own life work. The result is what we see every day: sexual passions out of control, uninvolved husbands and fathers, angry men who love to be in the drivers seat. And it all began when Adam refused to speak.

Men are uniquely called to remember what God has said and to speak accordingly, to move into dangerous uncertainty with a confidence and wisdom that comes from listening to God. Instead, like Adam, we forget God and remain silent.