Jessica Baum - Anxiously Attached : Becoming More Secure in Life and Love
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- Book:Anxiously Attached : Becoming More Secure in Life and Love
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Jessica Baums forthrightness, vulnerability, and clinical sensitivity provide the foundation for a powerful journey of growth for anyone who has experienced a nonsecure form of attachment formally known as ambivalent and publicly referred to as being anxiously attached. The science of relational connections between child and parent, known as attachment research, reveals a preoccupation and revving up of our drive for connection that has the inner experience of learned anxiety and uncertainty. Because of neural plasticity, we can focus our attention to build neural networks that in our childhood did not have the chance to grow how they might have to give us equanimity even in the face of relational challenges. Now you can learn to cultivate the skills of inner soothing provided in this excellent guideand youll discover how to learn or earn security in this science-backed yet practical set of steps to build the capacities that were not developed in your youth. Welcome to the challengeand opportunityto transform your life from the inside out!
Daniel J. Siegel, MD, executive director, Mindsight Institute; clinical professor, UCLA School of Medicine; New York Times bestselling author of IntraConnected, Aware, and Mind, and coauthor of Parenting from the Inside Out
Jessica wholeheartedly puts her full self into everything she does, and this book is a gift to your true self. Self-love is the foundation for a fulfilling and balanced life. Readers, youre in for a beautiful treat.
Shannon Kaiser, author of The Self-Love Experiment
In a world of empty promises and shallow veneers, Jessica Baum has written a book that delivers what it promises. In Anxiously Attached, she takes her readers on a healing journey that enables them to understand why they are plagued by relational insecurities and gives them concrete tools to repair the issues of their past and embrace a future filled with meaningful and rich relationships with themselves and others.
Dr. Paul L. Hokemeyer, author of Fragile Power
Jessica Baum is a modern and energetic author who brings fresh insights and language to learning how to love oneself and others. Her book contains powerful information and original ways of thinking about self-care. I highly recommend it.
John Lee, author of The Half-Lived Life and Growing Yourself Back Up
Jessicas work is a breath of fresh air. Blending both a clinical and spiritual approach, this book helps us understand the nuances of modern relationships and provides a no-nonsense roadmap for healing our relationships by healing ourselves.
James McCrae, author of Sh#t Your Ego Says
Jessica walks you through a spiritual journey in this book. Anxiously Attached covers complex topics around codependency, and the way she explains them makes these topics easy to understand. Jessicas work helps you feel supported through all levels of transformation.
Amy Leigh Mercree, bestselling author of A Little Bit of Goddess and A Little Bit of Mindfulness
Learning to attach to others in a healthy way is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Anxiously Attached gives you the tools you need to take that step. Jessica empowers you to grab hold of your inner security, which will transform your most important relationships.
R. Scott Gornto, PhD, MDiv, LMFT, CST, author of The Stories We Tell Ourselves
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
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Copyright 2022 by Jessica Baum
Penguin Random House supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin Random House to continue to publish books for every reader.
Illustrations by Monika Jasnauskaite
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Baum, Jessica, author.
Title: Anxiously attached: becoming more secure in life and love / Jessica Baum, LMHC.
Description: [New York]: TarcherPerigee, [2022]
Identifiers: LCCN 2022004971 (print) | LCCN 2022004972 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593331064 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780593331071 (epub) Subjects: LCSH: Attachment behavior. | Anxiety. | Interpersonal relations. | Intimacy (Psychology) Classification: LCC BF575.A86 B38 2022 (print) | LCC BF575.A86 (ebook) | DDC 155.6dc20 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022004971 LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022004972
Cover design: Caroline Johnson
Cover images: Malorny / Moment / Getty Images
Book design by Laura K. Corless, adapted for ebook by Kelly Brennan
This is a work of nonfiction. Some names and identifying details have been changed.
pid_prh_6.0_140165839_c0_r0
To my cosmic partner, Sven.
It is your continuous love that
allows me to feel supported
in ways I never imagined possible.
In my young adult years, I was a train wreck when it came to dating. Id stay in relationships to avoid being alone, and the men I dated were emotionally unavailable and unattuned to my needs. I was miserable. I felt rejected by their apparent lack of interest and angry that they didnt seem to care enough to ask me what I needed.
I want to share two experiences that shook me to my core and activated my deep-rooted attachment patterns. They touched the same wounds, but they look very different on the outside. At nineteen, I had a boyfriend who was very wrapped up in work because he had his own company. After the first rush, when the relationship became less exciting, he turned his attention back to work, which I now know is just what he needed to do. He was not a bad guy. He was just someone starting his own company and under a lot of stress. But his slow withdrawal touched a place of abandonment inside me and I began to feel anxious. I lost weight, and life began to feel meaningless. It scared me, and over time the turmoil inside of me built up to be so intense that I had to be hospitalized for severe anxiety. When the doctor asked me why I was there, I simply said, Because my boyfriend doesnt love me. My fear of being alone had been just below the surface and the shift from intense togetherness to more disconnection awakened a profound internal unease. I didnt understand what was happening; I felt like I was going insane. I read every book on codependency, and while they helped, it still didnt explain what was happening inside my body.
Years later, I married a man who was unable to stay in connection at all. When we first started dating, I didnt think much of it when he didnt text me back. But over time, I became hypersensitive to even micro-disengagements. A pattern of him pulling away and me reaching out for contact happened every six to eight weeks. I felt trapped inside the never-ending cycle but believed that the commitment of marriage would somehow change the dynamic and bring me a sense of security. Now it makes sense to me that as soon as we got closer to intimacy (and I started to feel safe), he would pull away because of his own terror of closeness. He would stop texting, and communication became flat and vague. As he grew more distant, I felt as if no one was on the other side when I looked at him. My whole body would respond to seeing him disconnect. Within a microsecond, my heart would race and my gut would fall through the floor, as if something was being ripped out of me. My vision blurred and I felt panic swirling up inside me. When I was unable to get back into connection, I would curl up in a fetal position, feeling just as lost and abandoned as I had when I was very small. His inability to connect, particularly his blank stare, had taken me to a primal experience of abandonment. It was as if my lifeline or oxygen had been cut off.
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