Teresa Xu - Beyond the Surface

Teresa Xu

To my paternal grandmother, who I met only once but who had always been an inspiration to me. You wrote a whole history book about Napoleon, and while Ive never actually read it, it probably inspired me to follow in your footsteps. You didnt live to one hundred, after all, but your legacy remains.
To my maternal grandpa who raised me, accompanying me when my parents werent available. Even when your steps slowed, you walked with me to and from school every day until you really couldnt. Im so sorry that you couldnt even see me graduate from high school, and maybe you still cant read English, but this book is for you.
To Ed Olson, possibly the quirkiest teacher Ive had. You left us far too soon, but your legacy lives on. Through this book, inspired by your own principles of compassion and empathyand even your love of photographyI hope youll impact far more people than you had ever met.
To anyone who has died in or suffered from a hate attackin a deadly but preventable misunderstanding. I hope this book can pay respect what you had to experience. George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Eric Garner, Yong Ae Yue, Suncha Kim, Soon Chung Park, Hyun Jung Grant, Daoyou Feng, Xiaojie Tan, Delaina Ashley Yaun, Paul Andre Michels, and countless more that I cant begin to cover: I dont know you, but I wish I still had the chance to meet you. May you rest in power and peace.
To books: thank you and all the writers who created you. Without you, this wouldnt exist. Thank you for guiding me through my childhood, even though I only read Geronimo Stilton books for quite a while. Whatever your genre, you make me a little less ignorant with each read.
To the educational system that raised me: thank you for teaching me to read and write and value learninga true privilege.
And thank you, the reader, for choosing to give this book a read despite your limited (scarce, for the economists out there) time and energy.

My name is Shoshana, and this is a story about forgiveness.

Shoshana told me a story about her older brother and his wife. They had known each other since they were twenty-two, but tensions grew after the wife began to display aspects of mental illness. The marriage ended in a bitter divorce, but Shoshana still cared about her. And when they met by chance in a restaurant years later, she expressed continued support for her. They shared a tender conversation of hope and love beyond strife.

It wasnt a happy ending.

She actually died just yesterday, and Im feeling very raw and overwhelmed by it all.

I was reeling. How could Shoshana bear to speak in these circumstances? A surge of admiration and respect grew in me. I never imagined this would happen during my first virtual story exchange with Narrative 4, a global organization that facilitates story exchange events and promotes empathy. This woman went from being a stranger to someone I felt like I knew, someone far more than the pixelated face I was seeing through a screen.

How much do I diminish others identities and experiences in a glance? By making them part of the background of my life, I inadvertently size them up as lesser than they are, never capturing the entirety of their being.

* * *

Im not the only person who does that. Its easy and instinctual to make assumptions, to stereotype. It can be straightforward to assume that women are bad at mathwhich still holds them back in the workforceand so on (Bohannon 2014). Its also easy to put too much stock into first impressions. They shoved me as I was trying to step on to the bus: they must be such a jerk. Theyre stuttering: they must be such a shy person. And we have so many assumptions that probably cant even be conceptualized, a lot of unconscious bias that becomes especially difficult to rethink.

How many times have I dismissed someone because of the way they look or the people they hang out with? Have you ever thought someone was kind at first, but they werent the person you thought they were? Isnt that why many breakups happen? Its not just that people can be manipulative; in some ways, we enable this manipulation because we dont see beyond the surface.

But our ingrained, surface-level beliefs are limiting. The human experience is complex. You are far more than three words to describe yourself in a job interview or a story you tell about you and your childhood best friend. No one can see all our thoughts or how complicated they might be. You want to go for a run but would also like to sleep in. You might love learning about Latin American history but hate taking history classes. Maybe you hated eating vegetables as a child but grew up to love saladsthings changeor maybe you only enjoy eating lettuce and carrots and cant stand any other vegetable. Our experiences arent necessarily straightforward.

Its this rich inner world and the different aspects of our liveswho we are at work versus at home, in a bad mood versus a good onethat we cannot grasp when we believe only our initial assumptions or one source of material, like an article about why some people choose to attend a university.

This doesnt mean we should expect to eliminate stereotypical judgment or try to change our natural instincts. But I think everyone deserves a fair chance to be seen, heard, and respected. This book is about trying to honor that by pushing beyond our initial and ingrained views. There are too many stories that arent told and too many thoughts that arent listened to. We can learn from different viewpointsespecially about peoples life experiences, especially from people who have historically been marginalized.

* * *

Atticus Finch

My eleven-year-old self didnt realize it, but this quote would stick in my head for years to come after first reading To Kill a Mockingbird. It would influence the trajectory of my life, shaping me into someone who strives to be kind, not only in actions but also in thoughts.