Susan TeBos - Weve Been There: True Stories, Surprising Insights, and AHA Moments for Adopted Teens

A bouquet of diverse stories, Weve Been There illustrates the uniqueness and complexity found in every adoptees journey. The importance and courage of sharing your story is evident on every page and will inspire everyone to have more nuanced and meaningful conversations around adoption.

K ATI P OHLER , 25, China, featured on BBC Stories Meet Me on the Bridge

In Weve Been There, adoptive mother Susan TeBos shares insights gleaned from the many teenaged and young adult adoptees whom she has interviewed. Some disclose the trauma they suffered as young children, some delve into what abandonment feels like, and all are candid about the particular ways their adoptions continue to affect their senses of self and their mental health. By collecting and sharing their stories, TeBos offers comfort and hope to teenaged adoptees.

J ENNIFER G RANT , author of Dimming the Day and Love You More

Easy to read and filled with affirming aha moments, Weve Been There demonstrates that when our stories connect, we find a little bit more community and a little bit more hope that well be okay.

C OREY M ETTLER , MA, LPC, Adoption Therapist, Families Forever Counseling

Stacks of books have been written for adoptive parents, but few have been published with a teen-adoptee audience in mind. In this book, Susan TeBos brings a sweet gift to the hands of adopteesa book uniquely tailored for them, relating to their joys, pains, sorrows, and achievements. Through these stories, Susan and her adoptee contributors walk the reader through a journey of confidence, loneliness, trust, answered (and unanswered) questions, and acceptance. In these pages, youll find a kindred spirit that will encourage, strengthen, and equip you to confidently embrace the story God has written for your life.

L EAH J OLLY , 21, domestic adoptee

As a family support network with more than 25 years of experience, Families for Russian & Ukrainian Adoption (FRUA) knows adoption is a lifelong journey. We find children go through phases of connection to their adoption, an ebb and flow of emotions toward their birth parents, birth culture, and heritage. Susan TeBoss book validates the feelings and resiliency many of our FRUA Young Adult Club members have expressed.

MJ K AMEN , chair of Families for Russian & Ukrainian Adoption, www.frua.org

A wonderfully insightful and refreshing read for anyone whos experienced adoption. Susan TeBos cleverly combines the God-and-grit ingredients found in every adoption story, and the result is like Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul. I plan to give this book to my own teenagers, and expect they will be intrigued to find themselves comparing their own circumstances and feelings surrounding adoption to those they read about in this book.

J IM S PRAGUE , adoptive father

Thank you, teens, for the peek inside your hearts and minds, for sharing your feelings and thoughts. Your stories have helped me come to a greater understanding. I have new ideas on how I can ask questions, listen, and pray.

R OBERTTA D E V RIES , adoptive mother

As a grateful adoptive mom of six, I am confident this book will not only abundantly bless adoptees, but also all those who are party to adoption. It is full of practical advice and contains numerous glimpses of love amidst the many relationships that surround adoption. Though heart-wrenching struggles pepper many of these stories, hope shines through.

B ETH S CHNYDERS , adoptive mother

Weve Been There: True Stories, Surprising Insights, and Aha Moments for Adopted Teens 2022 by Susan TeBos

Published by Kregel Publications, a division of Kregel Inc., 2450 Oak Industrial Dr. NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49505. www.kregel.com.

Author is represented by the literary agency of Credo Communications, LLC, Grand Rapids, Michigan, www.credocommunications.net.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout the publishers prior written permission or by license agreement. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

The persons and events portrayed in this book have been used with permission. To protect the privacy of these individuals, some names have been changed.

The author and publisher are not engaged in rendering medical or psychological services, and this book is not intended as a guide to diagnose or treat medical or psychological problems. If medical, psychological, or other expert assistance is required, the reader should seek the services of a health-care provider or certified counselor.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the Library of Congress.

ISBN 978-0-8254-4731-0, print

ISBN 978-0-8254-7784-3, epub

ISBN 978-0-8254-6937-4, Kindle

Printed in the United States of America

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TO THE STORYTELLERS IN THIS BOOK WHOSE HONESTY AND VOICE IS A GIFT TO ALL WHO OPEN THESE PAGES

When you have the courage to look squarely at your losses, and to grieve them, youre finally free to fully embrace the life you have today. As you do, know that you are not alone. The One who loves you is with you, as is the great siblinghood of other adopteeswho you may not even knowwho share your journey. You can do this.

MARGOT STARBUCK

Adoptee, adoptive mom, and author

I F YOU RE READING this book, I know a little something about you. Youre curiouscurious about what others who were adopted are thinking and feeling and experiencing. In a way, you crave a little intel into their lives because youre hoping to make sense of things going on in your own life. And why not? Its only natural to want to connect with other young people who share a common bond. If anything, it will help just to hear what they have to sayand bonus, youll never wonder if you are alone in this again.

My daughter, a recent high school graduate, had this to say: I did feel pretty alone in my thoughts about my separation story, simply because other adopted people in my life never shared deep things. I like being able to see what other people struggle with. We all handle it in different ways. I want to see how other people have dealt with it and what has come of it.

Sound like something youre thinking? Welcome aboard. Well cover a lot of ground in these pages: sometimes hard, often good, but always hopeful. Among the short stories

A cheerleader opens up about feeling defective.

A film student explains how he handles social anxiety.

A college finance major learns how to manage his emotions before he explodes.

A junior in high school grieves the loss of her birth father, whom she never met.

From finding oneself on a study abroad in Shanghai, to wrestling with God about fitting in or not belonging, or just living with too much self-doubt, every person I talked with was open about feelings and situations they had rarely, if ever, spoken about before. I am proud of them for stepping up, looking back, sharing their intimate thoughts and experiences, and when possible, making sense of what was going onall for you. I appreciate them for showing you it is okay to open up to a trusted ally, and the sooner the better. They would say we need stories. We need each other. We need to be real and tell it like it is. These are their storiesno fake smiles, no perfect selfies.