Charles R. Swindoll - Parenting: From Surviving to Thriving: Building Healthy Families in a Changing World

2006 Charles R. Swindoll

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from New American Standard Bible. 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, California. Used by permission.

Other Scripture references are from the following sources:

The Message (MSG), by Eugene H. Peterson, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

The NET Bible (NET) 2003 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. www.netbible.com All rights reserved. Used by permission.

THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE (AMP), Old Testament 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament 1958, 1987 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

The Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT), 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Swindoll, Charles R.

Parentingfrom surviving to thriving : building strong families in a changing world / by Charles R. Swindoll.

p. cm.

Summary: Practical and inspiring ways to parenting that not only thrive but survive the tests of timeProvided by publisher.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-8499-0024-2 (hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-4002-8003-2 (trade paper)

1. ParentingReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. ParentsReligious life. I. Title.

BV4529.S95 2006

248.8'45dc22

2006029971

Printed in the United States of America

08 09 10 11 12 RRD 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

It is with great delight that I dedicate this volume to all ten of our grandchildren:

Ryan, Chelsea, and Landon Swindoll

Parker and Heather Nelson

Ashley, Austin, and Jonathan Dane

Noah and Jessica Swindoll

These wonderful children, these fine young men and women, represent the delicious fruit of our family tree. Their lives will enrich and enhance their generation, thanks to the great training they have received. Cynthia and I adore each one with all our hearts.

Contents

Several years ago, I read an article in the Los Angeles Times containing a letter to the advice columnist Ann Landers, and to this day it still haunts me. A mother wrote the letter at age seventy, having reared five children. In response to the question, Was it worth it? she responded:

No. The early years were difficult. Illness, rebellion, lack of motivation (we called it shiftlessness and laziness in our day).

One was seriously disturbedin and out of mental hospitals. Another went the Gay Lib route. Two are now living in communes (we never hear from them). Another has gone loony with the help of a phony religious leader who should be in jail.

Not one of our children has given us any pleasure. God knows we did our best, but we were failures as parents and they are failures as people.

She signed it, Sad Story.

This is a woman living every parents nightmare. When we bring that little bundle home from the hospital and recover from the shock of being completely responsible for the care and well-being of another person, an alien thought takes up residence in the back of our minds: What if I fail as a parent? Take it from a parent of four and a grandparent of ten... as you grow older, you discover the futility of trying to overpower that nagging fear, and after a few failures, you learn to embrace it. After all, failure is inevitable. As someone wisely wrote, Guilt is an occupational hazard of parenting.

Fortunately, failure on the level of Sad Storys is very rare and extremely remote. In fact, I am convinced that much of the heartache we accept as a normal part of childrearing is avoidable. The terrible twos can actually have their fun moments given a good sense of humor. The onset of puberty, with its turbulent, hormone-driven angst, can provide the perfect opportunity to strengthen the bond between parent and child. And I reject the notion that the teenage years must necessarily involve rebellion and conflict.

I dont suggest that the years will be free of heartache, pain, confusion, conflict, or even periods of rebellion and estrangement if we apply principles from Gods Word. However, those trials dont have to characterize and overshadow the entire child-rearing process. This I offer as hope from one coming to the topic of parenting from several angles: five, to be exact. In addition to my approach as a student of Gods Word, I write as a realist, as a son, as a parent, and as a grandparent.

AS A REALIST...

I understand that tips and so-called keys to parenting rarely work out as easily as many would like you to think. So I want you to know that any application of a principle from Scripture will be offered with that in mind. While I believe these principles to be sound and they are proven to be effective by the experience of a number of people, you will have to use discernment. You must evaluate your own unique set of challenges and adjust the applications to fit. And always keep in mind: no principle is airtight.

I also understand that not everyone reading this book is a new parent. To those who have been rearing children for several years now, some of this information will cause you frustration and guilt. Theres no such thing as a perfect parent, so without a doubt you have failed pretty badly in some areas. Obviouslyand sadlywe cannot undo past mistakes. I confess that I would give just about anything for another chance to apply the principles I discovered only after the blunders. But we can spend the rest of our years languishing in the backwash of bad memories, or face forward and resolve to create a more positive future. Lets choose the latter. While we cannot correct past mistakes, we can repair and rebuild. I have found over a lot of parenting years that its never too late to begin the healing process.

AS A SON...

I will be very transparent about my own upbringing, although I want to be careful in how I do that. I dont want you to misjudge my mother and father. Just like you, I was not reared perfectly. My parents made some mistakes with me. Some affected me so deeply that I determined to discover a better way from the Scriptures. But Ill quickly and very honestly say that my parents were also some of the finest people I have ever known! If everyone had parents like mine, not only would families be in better shape, but the world would be a much better place.