Charles R. Swindoll - Marriage Workbook: From Surviving to Thriving

Marriage
FROM SURVIVING
TO THRIVING

Marriage
FROM SURVIVING
TOTHRIVING

PRACTICAL ADVICE ON
MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE STRONGER

CHARLES R. SWINDOLL

2006 Charles R. Swindoll

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from New American Standard Bible. 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, California. Used by permission.

Other Scripture references are from the following sources:

The NET Bible (NET) 2003 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. www.netbible.com All rights reserved. Used by permission.

The Message (MSG) by Eugene Peterson. 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Swindoll, Charles R.
Marriage: from surviving to thriving : practical advice on making your marriage stronger / Charles R. Swindoll.
p. cm.
Summary: Practical applications to help a marriage go from surviving to thrivingProvided by publisher.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-8499-0150-8 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-4002-8009-4 (trade paper) 1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV835.S93 2006
248.8'44dc22

2006011499

Printed in the United States of America
08 09 10 11 12 QW 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

This is for you, Cynthia.

After more than fifty years of
our being on this journey together,
sharing equally in the sorrows and struggles,
as well as in the accomplishments and pleasures,
my commitment to you is stronger than ever,
my respect for you is greater than ever,
and my love for you is deeper than ever.

Contents

Chapter 1 This Is Not Your
Grandfathers Family

Chapter 3 Symphony of Survival
in the Key of C

Chapter 4 Practical Advice on
Making a Marriage Stick

Chapter 5 Essential Glue for
Every Couple to Apply

Chapter 8 Staying Young As Your
Family Grows Older

A ny marriage that has lasted as long as ours includes othersmany otherswho have played significant roles in both our lives. First, Cynthia and I have our parents, Leslie and Laverne Parker and Earl and Lovell Swindoll, to thank for their long-term marriages. As we were reared in our original homes, we observed the things they modeled that held them together. To this day my wife and I often recall many of those qualities and acknowledge what a powerful influence they had on each of us. How grateful we are for our faithful parentsall four now with the Lord.

In addition, there has been the influence of our now-adult children and their marriages. Weve learned numerous lessons and received very helpful insights from all four of them and their relationships with their marriage partners. Our love for each one knows no bounds.

And then there have been teachers, mentors, colleagues, and all our wonderful friends who have contributed so much over these years... too many to mention. Their encouragement and belief in us have, in many ways, helped us stay at it, as weve endured days that were borderline unbearable and as weve enjoyed and celebrated far more that were delightful and fun.

When I decided to write this book, I have my publisher, David Moberg of Thomas Nelson, to thank for his strong encouragement, as well as Mark Gaither, my son-in-law, for his excellent editorial skills and assistance. And I must acknowledge Mary Hollingsworth and her fine staff at Shady Oaks Studio in Fort Worth for putting the finishing touches on this volume, making it both attractive and presentable.

Finally, to my bride of fifty-one years, the mother of our children, my faithful and devoted partner in ministry, the one who knows me and understands me, and still loves me more than anyone else on the planetwhat more can I say?

My heartfelt thanks to all!

O n June 18, 1955, two very young people were married. He had just turned twenty; she was only eighteen.

Only seven days after their first date, he was convinced that she was the woman of his dreams, so he asked her to marry him. Though only sixteen at the time and still in the eleventh grade of high school, the teenage girl said yes. A little over eighteen months later, they married and began their journey that would last for more than five decades. And what a journey it has been! Four married children, currently from their midthirties to their midforties, and ten grandchildren who range in age from a second-grader to a recent college graduate now comprise their family.

Who would have ever guessed, way back in the mid-1950s, that so much would have happened to them and among them... and who could have ever imagined all the lives they would touch and all the amazing things they would experience as those fifty-plus years ran their course? The fact that those two have remained together is the most amazing part of allonly because of Gods grace!

By now youve guessed that my wife and I are that original couple.

Looking back over these many years of marriage, as we do every now and then, Cynthia and I often sigh and sometimes smile. Contrary to popular opinion, weve not been sheltered from lifes harsh winds. To make matters even more challenging, neither of us has been all that easy to live with. Truth be told, our marriage has literally spanned the extremes: from surviving to thriving. But the good news is, weve made it this far! Much of that is because weve found some of the things that make a marriage work, and weve applied them as often as possible.

It occurred to me that some of those things we learned are worth passing along; hence this little book. If it helps, Im grateful. Please share what you read with others. If it doesnt, Im sorry. Please keep that to yourself. Id hate to think I made a weak marriage worse.

CHUCK SWINDOLL

Frisco, Texas

This Is Not
Your Grandfathers Family

I magine for a few moments that you are a modern-day Rip van Winkle. Youre enjoying a relatively normal life in the mid-1960s with a mate at your side and children under the age of ten living at home. Life is good, yet a subtle uneasiness occasionally disturbs your peace. After the turmoil of Kennedys assassination, Washington has returned to its usual bickering with Lyndon Johnson as the thirty-sixth president of the United States. Alls quiet in Cuba and the Soviet Union for the moment, but that troublesome skirmish in Southeast Asia seems to be escalating.

Youre also concerned because your children are now listening to the Beach Boys after a man known simply as Elvis introduced a different kind of music to popular audiences. His swiveling hips and suggestive antics have robbed television of its earlier innocence, but you patiently endure the Smothers Brothers and are learning to tolerate the edgy, off-color humor on