Shona Murray - Refresh: Embracing a Grace-Paced Life in a World of Endless Demands

Overwhelmed . Exhausted . Depressed . Panicky . Stressed . Burned out . Broken . Paralyzed . Drowning . Empty . Recognize yourself in any of these words? Maybe in all of them?

Youre not alone. These are the most common words Ive heard Christian women using to describe themselves and their lives.

Whatever happened to the words peaceful , calm , joyful , content , quiet , rested , refreshed , and fulfilled ? Wouldnt you like to exchange the second set of words for the first?

It seems impossible, doesnt it? Especially as the demands upon us keep multiplying: housework demands our energy, employers demand our hours, the church demands our commitment, friends demand our presence, kids demand our taxicab, credit cards demand our dollars, school sports demand our evenings and Saturdays, the yard demands our sweat, charities demand our donations, the sick demand our visits, marriage demands our time, relations demand our phone calls, email demands our replies, Pinterest demands our perfection, and on and on it incessantly goes.

Sometimes you want to run away, dont you? Or curl up in a ball and hide under the covers. Or jam your fingers in your ears and silence the clamor. Or maybe lock the door and throw away the key, the phone, and the ever - lengthening to - do list. The demands are simply overwhelming. And theres little prospect of change, little hope of experiencing the second group of words again, until, well, maybe retirement.

I sympathize, because Ive been there too. In fact, Ive probably been in a deeper and darker place than many of you, a painful story that Ill be sharing with you in the coming pages. However, over many years, and through many struggles, the Lord has graciously delivered me from the first set of words and into a more regular experience of the second. In short, he has taught me, and is teaching me, how to live a grace - paced life in a world of overwhelming demands.

A Grace - Paced Life

A grace - paced life? Whats that? Its a pace of life thats constantly refreshed by five different wells of divine grace. First, theres the motivating well of grace. We used to be driven by money, family perfection, beauty, careers, or earning Gods favor. But instead of filling and fulfilling us, these motivations drained and dried us. Now though, we daily drop our buckets into the unsearchable depths of Gods saving grace in Christ to freely receive his overflowing mercy and love. Filled to overflowing with gospel grace, we are now energized and enthused to serve him at home, at work, and at church, as our heart beats, Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Second theres the moderating well of grace. Grace moderates our expectations of ourselves and others. At the foot of the cross we have seen our sin and our sinfulness. We have learned that we are not perfect and never will be. Therefore, when we fall and fail, we dont torment or torture ourselves. Instead, we calmly take our sins to Calvary knowing that Gods grace forgives us all our imperfections and lovingly accepts us as perfect in Christ. We dont need to serve, sacrifice, or suffer our way to human or divine approval, because Christ has already served, sacrificed, and suffered for us. His perfection moderates our perfectionism as we remind ourselves, Accepted, accepted, accepted.

Third, we are refreshed by the multiplying well of grace. We no longer believe that everything depends on us and our efforts. Rather, we trust God to multiply our few loaves and fishes. We dont sit back and do nothing, but neither do we try to do everything. We sow and water, but we realize that its God who gives the increase. Gods blessing multiplies our work in a way that no amount of extra hours or effort can. How calming and soothing is this realization and the prayer it produces: Multiply, multiply, multiply.

Fourth, the releasing well of grace helps us to hand control of our lives over to God. We trust his sovereignty not just in salvation but in every area of life. Yes, we still work diligently and carefully, but releasing grace humbly submits to setbacks, problems, and disappointments, accepting them as tests of our trust in Gods control. When tempted to micromanage and dictate our lives and the lives of others, we drop our bucket into this refreshing well as we whisper to ourselves, Release, release, release.

Finally, theres the receiving well of grace, which closer inspection reveals to be made up of a number of smaller wells. Each of them represents one of Gods gracious gifts to his needy creatures: a weekly Sabbath, sleep, physical exercise, family and friends, Christian fellowship, and so on. In our fast - paced life we used to push these gifts away, thinking that we didnt need them. But in the grace - paced life, we approach these wells saying, Receive, receive, receive. The more and more we see that our heavenly Father designed and drilled these wells for our good, the more we receive and enjoy their renewing and refreshing waters.

In the course of this book well open up these wells of Gods grace and learn how and when to drink from their refreshing waters.

Women Only?

But why write for women only? Do men not run too fast, overcommit, overstretch, and burn out too? Yes, they do, and thats why my husband, David, has written a book for men called Reset: Living a Grace-Paced Life in a Burnout Culture. But through personal experience and years of counseling we discovered that although theres much overlap between mens and womens experience of the stressed -to- depressed spectrum, there are also important gender - specific aspects in both causes and cures to warrant separate books. But Id like men to read this book too, because an increased understanding of womens unique struggles will help them to serve and minister to their sisters in Christ and, together, run countercultural grace - paced lives.

If thats you, I have good news for you. This book will show you biblical principles, practices, and patterns that will refresh your body and your soul so that you can start living a grace - filled and grace - paced life instead of joining the statistics.

Joint Authorship

Finally, some of you might be wondering how joint authorship works and how the content of Reset for men relates to Refresh for women. What bits did David write, what bits did I write, what bits did we write together, and how can you tell the difference? Having looked at various jointly authored books, we decided against writing Refresh as we, because its for women and, well, David is not a woman! We also didnt like the idea of switching from I (Shona) to I (David) whenever we used material from Reset. That just seemed awkward. Therefore, although we wrote it together, I (Shona) is used throughout. So what are the differences and overlaps between the two books?

First, the overall structure of the two books, the chapter headings and most of the subjects covered, are the same in both books. As David explained in his book, so much of the wisdom we have gained has come through many years of us living this together, suffering together, studying together, and counseling people together, so that our thoughts are almost identical. This similarity in structure and subjects should help husbands and wives who want to work through the books together to be on the same page, as it were, and yet also be able to identify important differences in the male and female experiences of stress, burnout, anxiety, and depression.

Second, in Refresh my story is substituted for Davids story. In Reset David told of how burnout just about killed himtwice. Throughout Refresh I replace that with my own painful story of how I slipped into a deep hole of depression and anxiety and how God is graciously delivering me.

Third, I feminized the manly parts. Although we initially thought that we could write a book for women with just a few tweaks of the mans book, we soon realized that for all the significant similarities, there are multiple important differences in the female experience of burnout. That resulted in much more work than either of us expected, but we both agreed that it was important to make it as feminine as possible for maximum usefulness. The feminization also involved the addition of some sections that have no counterpart in Reset .