Rachel Levy Lesser - Whos Going to Watch My Kids?: Working Mothers Humerous and Heartfelt Struggles to Find and Hold on to the Elusive Perfect Nanny

First published in 2015 by Turning Stone Press,

an imprint of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With offices at:

665 Third Street, Suite 400

San Francisco, CA 94107

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright 2015 by Rachel Levy Lesser

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.

Reviewers may quote brief passages.

ISBN: 978-1-61852-094-4

Cover design by Jim Warner

Cover image: Woman: jane_Lane / shutterstock

Printed in the United States of America

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This book is a work of nonfiction. Some names and other details, however, have been changed.

For my girlfriends. For their stories, their trust, and most especially for their friendship. Life just wouldn't be as much fun without you.

I never thought about nannies. I always knew that I wanted to have children one day, and I also always knew that I wanted a career. I just never thought about who would watch those children while I was having that career.

I first learned about nannies while still single, childless, and working at a large magazine company in New York City. I loved my boss, Jennifer. She was well respected by just about everyone in the company. She knew how to play the political games amongst the way-too-prevalent old boys' club in the office, but most of all she challenged me in my own work and taught me so much. And she was fun. She also had two young children and made it look so easy. She had a nanny.

The first time I met her nanny Louise was when Louise brought Jennifer's four-year-old son and six-month-old daughter in to the office. Louise wheeled them down the hall in their bright red double stroller, and we all oohhed and aahhed over their adorableness. We hung out in Jennifer's office for a few minutes while her son played with the desk toys, and Jennifer cuddled with her baby daughter. Then it was time for our weekly status meeting. Jennifer handed the baby back to nanny Louise. Before I got my notes together, the kids were kissed and strolled out of the office down the hall and off to wherever they went. It seemed like a great arrangement.

I wanted to be Jennifer one daya successful and happy working mom. A woman who had it all. And of course I would be her, right? I had a good education, solid job experience, and I worked very hard. I was also in a serious relationship with a great guy who I suspected I would marry one day, and together we would have adorable children. Just like Jennifer's children, my future kids would get strolled in to my office one day by a smiley and loving nanny. I'd kiss them and play with them for a few minutes and then go about my day at work without a worry. It looked so easy and awesome. Then I had kids.

1

I did end up marrying that great guy. He and I left New York City together just a couple years after getting hitched to attend business school at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. The great guy, Neil (his name is Neil, but I do still sometimes refer to him as that great guy), had always planned on getting his MBA as it was the next logical step in his career as a management consultant. I figured that earning my MBA would only help to advance my career in magazine marketing. Plus, I thought having that graduate degree would help me one day as a working mom.

Those days as a working mom came sooner than I had ever imagined. While I was living and studying in Ann Arbor, my mother was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer back in Philadelphia near where I grew up. The cancer was aggressive and her prognosis was not good. I knew her days were numbered, and I wanted to be near her for as long as I could. I also wanted her to get to know her first grandchild if at all possible, as it would most likely be the only one she would ever know.

So I became pregnant during my second and last year as an MBA student and walked up to the podium to receive my Masters of Business Administration wearing a cap and gown and sporting a very pregnant belly. Prior to that graduation, Neil was offered a job in the Philadelphia office of the management consulting company he had worked for in New York before business school. That made the transition to be near my mother and the rest of my family relatively easy.

Just a few months after graduation, I gave birth to our first childa boy named Joey. And as I had imagined long ago while working for the magazine company in New York, he was in fact adorable. I was pleased to see that baby Joey had a nicely shaped head and ears, or so other adults who seemed to know what they were talking about told me. Apparently I was not such a cute baby but, luckily, as my mother used to say, I outgrew that funny looking baby phase rather quickly.

It wasn't until Joey started sleeping through the night that I could begin to imagine myself working again. I couldn't think about anything beyond pumping breast milk and swaddling techniques before that magical morning when I awoke to a quiet house at 6 a.m. I immediately thought that the baby monitor had broken. Or worse, that Joey had lost his lung capacity and ability to cry. But he was fine. He was sleeping through the night at only six weeks old. I was so pleased with him and with myself too. When you first have a baby, everyone, from any friend you've ever known to complete strangers at the grocery store, will stop to ask you, Is he sleeping through the night yet? So when he did, and at quite an early age, I was pleased to answer with a resounding yes.

I was lucky on the sleep front with Joey. He was a good eater and therefore a good sleeper. He still is now as an eleven-year-old child. As an infant he got enough nutrients during the day to make it through the night. Then I could sleep through the night again, and my brain started to function so I could go back to work. I had to go backto earn an income and to keep my sanity.

I had looked for jobs throughout my pregnancy. At first I looked remotely from Michigan, and then in person once I was living in suburban Philadelphia. I thought that being pregnant would make it very difficult to land an interview, much less a job. I was lucky againvery lucky. The whole being pregnant thing forced me to be completely up-front with potential employers. I told them when I was due and that ideally I could start work three months after I gave birth. I put it all out there, and I was pleasantly surprised with many of the responses I received. I ended up getting an offer from a small marketing and strategic branding company just ten minutes from our house. My magazine marketing experience and MBA fit nicely in the business. We negotiated my salary and work schedule (three full days a week) during my pregnancy and agreed on a start date soon after Joey was born.

It all sounded great, and the sleep thing helped too, but then it was time for me to find my nanny Louise. I wasn't really sure how or where to find her. My mother suggested I contact a young woman named Stacey. Stacey's mother and my mother were friends, and Stacey had moved back to the area where she had grown up just like I did.

In fact, my mother eagerly explained to me, Stacey lives right around the corner from you. I think you two will really hit it off. She works too, and she has a nanny. A really good one I hear.