Ellen Kreidman - How Can We Light a Fire When the Kids are Driving us Crazy?

Copyright 1993 by Ellen Kreidman

Illustrations copyright 1993 by Mary Morgan

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Villard Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

Villard Books is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kreidman, Ellen.
How can we light a fire when the kids are driving us crazy?/Ellen Kreidman.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-307-82997-9
1. ParentingHandbooks, manuals, etc. 2. Parent and childHandbooks, manuals, etc. 3. Sex in marriageHandbooks, manuals, etc. I. Title.
HQ755.85.K74 1993
646.78dc20 93-14740

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Most couples have a difficult time keeping romance, passion, excitement, and communication alive in their relationships. In 1981, in El Toro, California, I took a very small step toward helping couples whose relationships had gone stale in my own community. I rented a small office on a month-to-month basis, furnished it classroom style, and began my first formal class of Light His Fire for women. One year later, I organized the class for men and began teaching Light Her Fire.

In 1989, my first book, Light His Fire: How to Keep Your Man Passionately and Hopelessly in Love with You, was published. One year later, Light Her Fire: How to Ignite Passion and Excitement in the Woman You Love followed. Both books gave me the opportunity to appear on TV and radio, where I could share my thoughts and ideas with a national audience.

After teaching my classes myself for twelve years, I franchised my program, and today both classes are being taught throughout the United States and in other parts of the world by dedicated instructors who have been given special training by me. I still spend a great deal of time lecturing to thousands of men and women who want more fulfilling and rewarding relationships.

The game How to Host a Romantic Evening, by Decipher, based on my books, provides couples with hours of entertainment and intimacy, and Ive produced an audiocassette program for those who find it geographically impossible to attend a live presentation.

All of these efforts are designed to work together to achieve one ultimate goal: to strengthen the love, romance, excitement, and communication between two people.

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who have taken the time to write to me to tell me about the wonderful changes my books, Light His Fire and Light Her Fire, brought to their lives. What Ive learned from thousands of letters from all over the world is that no matter how different we may appear to others, underneath we all have the same need to be loved, appreciated, and cherished. I cried tears of joy with a woman from Iowa and rejoiced with a man whose home was Hong Kong. I learned that a woman in Holland was as profoundly affected as a woman in Maine; and a man from Canada had the same response to my book as a man in New Mexico.

There are no words to describe how wonderful I feel to know that my books have had such a positive impact on so many peoples lives. Let me share just a few of the many success stories sent to me by my readers.

Here is a letter from Smooth Larrythe nickname his girlfriend gave him:

Im a forty-six-year-old divorced male. I recently read your book, Light Her Fire. If I could have had my hands on that book ten years ago, I probably would not be divorced today. Your book seemed to describe my life in detail. There was no great romance between my mother and father and there certainly was no display of affection for anyone in the family by anyone else. Each individual was selfish and I was no exception. This attitude obviously carried over into my marriage and while it was not a completely unpleasant marriage it was very dull. You already know all the reasons. They are scattered throughout your book. By the way, I finished the book in one day. I was so happy with what I learned about myself and women, I cried.

Your book is making a difference already. I recently met a caring, sensitive, loving, active and physically beautiful woman. I go past her house to go to work. I stopped for a paper. I saw her favorite gum, bought a pack, wrote a note and left it in the doorway. One thing led to another. A few weeks after our first night MAKING LOVE, (it was the most fabulous night I ever had, except for the ones since then), I wrote her a FAIRY TALE. It was a fun story about how we met and the events leading to our first night together. I cannot believe the fun Im having and I cannot believe the women that have asked me out. Ive had to turn them all down because I now have a lover that is dominating my every thought. Im not afraid of anyone stealing her away from me. Im armed and dangerous. I carry a copy of Light Her Fire. Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me become a REAL MAN.

Heres a letter from Louis:

I recently purchased a copy [of Light Her Fire] and have read it twice and learn more each time I read it. I am thirty-three years old and was divorced almost three years ago. In reading the stories of men who took your class it was almost like I was the one telling the stories. Ellen, if your book would have been four years earlier chances are that I would still be married!

However, I am thankful that I am not. I recently went out on a date with a woman I work with, and the mutual sparks could have set a city block on fire. I have never felt so strongly about someone and the possibilities for a long-term relationship as I do about this one. The greatest thing about this is that now I know what to do, thanks to your book. I will not let this one slip through my hands.

Youre never too old to learn something new, as this letter from a sixty-nine-year-old (young?) man proves:

Im the kind of a person that always has a book with me in case I have to be away from home waiting for something. This time I had a pizza to wait for before taking it home but nothing to read. At the supermarket next door I spied your book. I have always been curious about what women tell other women about men. But more than that, I thought, perhaps I can learn something from your book.

It doesnt take much of an idiot to turn things around and recognize oneself front and back. For example, Im a neatnik and my wife is the other way, but after twenty years of marriage Im STILL trying to change her. Oh, Ive lightened up a great deal (she hits back!) but the urge is still there. Now, BY GOD, with your help, I think Im going to be able to knock off that crap once and for all.

One of my favorites is from Dick:

I just wanted to pass on my personal experience to add to your collection of testimonials. When I was returning from a recent trip in NYC, I picked up Light Her Fire in [the airport]. As I read it on my way [home], I chuckled and said to myself, You have a Ph.D. in Mathematics and a preschool education in love. (I have been married to my only wife of 31 years.) I thought that I would give your ideas a try. I got her a card in the airport. I also included a note which said I brought her three presents: The first to tell her how I feel about her, the second to say how sweet she is, and the third to say how loving she was.