Barbara Davilman - Yiddish with George and Laura

Copyright 2006 by Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman

Illustrations copyright 2006 by Larry Ruppert

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

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First eBook Edition: October 2006

ISBN: 978-0-316-05020-3

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Book Design by Meryl Sussman Levavi

ALSO BY ELLIS WEINER AND BARBARA DAVILMAN

Yiddish with Dick and Jane

See George.

He is our president.

He lives in a fancy white house and is a big shmegegge.

George loves his job.

He gets to take a lot of vacations.

He gets to do special things for his family and friends.

Not bad for an ex-shikker, he thinks.

See Laura.

She is George's wife.

She loves George very much.

She is a nice lady and a shiksa.

See Jenna and Barbara.

They are George and Laura's twin daughters.

They are a couple of sheyna maidls.

Jenna was cited two times for underage drinking.

Barbara was cited only once.

George and Laura shepn naches from their lovely girls.

Shept, George and Laura, shept.

Shept, shept, shept.

George and Laura and the girls are going to a birthday party for George's parents.

Their birthdays are four days apart. The party is at the family house in Kennebunkport.

Kennebunkport is a pretty town in Maine.

A lot of goyim live there.

See George's mother.

Her name is Bar.

She wears a lot of pearls and is a farbissenah.

You are late, George, Bar says.

Of course I am late, George says.

I am the president of the United States.

I am a big macher.

I do not care, says Bar.

You should have been here two hours ago.

Doro and the wives got tired of waiting.

They went shopping for tchotchkies.

We want to go shopping too, says Jenna.

But you just got here, says Bar.

We want to spend money and help the economy, says Barbara.

Oh, all right, says Bar.

But stay away from the farkaktah media.

Where is Dad? asks George.

He holds out a flag.

I got this for him.

He does not want that flag, George, says Bar.

If he did he would have gotten one himself.

But I will put it in the den with all our other chazerai.

See Jeb.

Jeb is one of George's brothers.

Jeb is the governor of Florida.

He helped George win the elections.

He is an avid golfer and a finagler.

Mom is mad at you, George, says Jeb.

Hey, Jeb, says George.

How is your daughter, Noelle? Is she still taking Ex-Lax and smoking that farshlugginer crack?

You do not mean Ex-Lax, says Jeb.

You mean Xanax.

No, she is off drugs and in therapy.

Therapy schmerapy, says George. If someone has troubles they should talk to God.

See Neil.

He is George's brother, too.

He was in the savings and loan business.

A lot of people lost money at his bank.

They were very sad.

Neil made a lot of money at his bank and was very happy.

Now Neil does this and that and is epes a nudnik.

How are you, Neil? says George.

I am fine, says Neil.

I am working hard on my educational software company.

That is wonderful, says George.

I am interested in education, too.

I am making sure that no child gets left behind.

But what if a child DOES get left behind? asks Neil.

Then he can join the army, says George.

Nifter-schmifter, a leben macht er?

See Marvin.

He is another one of George's brothers.

He was a board member of a large security company.

They were helping to keep the World Trade Center safe.

Now he owns stock in a company that makes money thanks to the Patriot Act.

Marvin is a real goen.

Mom wants everyone to come in for lunch, says Marvin.

I am not hungry, George, says Laura.

You eat lunch.

I will just shpotzir for a while.

See Laura shpotzir.

Shpotzir, Laura, shpotzir:

Shpotzir, shpotzir, shpotzir

George, Jeb, Neil, and Marvin sit in the dining room.

Bar brings out chicken croquettes, stuffed baked potatoes, and succotash.