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Maeve Higgins - Tell Everyone on This Train I Love Them

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Maeve Higgins Tell Everyone on This Train I Love Them
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Deeply funny, moving, and urgent writing about a country that can feel broken into pieces and the light that shines through the cracks, from Irish comedian Maeve Higgins, author of Maeve in America.
As an eternally curious outsider, Maeve Higgins can see that the United States is still an experiment. Some parts work well and others really dont, but that doesnt stop her from loving the place and the people that make it. With piercing political commentary in a sweet and salty tone, these essays unearth answers to the questions we all have about this country we call home; the beauty of it all and the dark parts too.
Maeve attends the 2020 Border Security Expo to better understand the future of our borders, and finds herself at The Alamo surrounded by queso and homemade rifles. A chance encounter with a statue of a teenage horseback rider causes her to interrogate the purpose of monuments, this sends her hurtling through the past, connecting Irelands revolutionary history with the struggles of Black Americans today. And after mistaking edibles for innocent candies, Maeve gets way too high at Paper Source.
Most of all, Maeve wants to leave this country and this planet better than she found it. That may well be impossible, but it certainly means showing love. Lots of it, even when its difficult to do so. Threaded through these pieces is love for strangers, love for friends who show up right on time, love for trees, love for Tom Hardy, love for those with differing opinions, love for the glamorous older women of Brighton Beach with tattooed eyeliner and gold jewelry, love for everybody on this train.

Maeve Higgins: author's other books


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Praise for Maeve Higgins and Tell Everyone on This Train I Love Them Both - photo 1
Praise for Maeve Higgins and Tell Everyone on This Train I Love Them

Both timely and rewarding. Intelligent reading filled with candor and sympathy.

Kirkus Reviews

Hilarious, poignant, conversational, and my favorite Irish import since U2. Youre in for a treat.

Phoebe Robinson, New York Times bestselling author of You Cant Touch My Hair

If Tina Fey and David Sedaris had a daughter, she would be Maeve Higgins. (And while Im building the fantasy family of comedy, lets put Nora Ephron somewhere on the family tree.)

Glamour

One of the most charming exports to the American comedy scene is Irish writer Maeve Higgins.... Higginss vibe [is] wary but hopeful, clever but earnest. [The] sensibility [that] runs through: deep empathy and genuine curiosity about the American experience of newcomers... with more Michael Fassbender jokes, and a bit more self-deprecating humor (stop, Maeve, youre perfect).

Vulture

Higginss insightful and wacky essays will not only make you laugh; youll also nod in recognition and sigh in solidarity.... Its her outsiders perspective that makes her commentary of current day America so unique and critical at a time when migrants and immigrants are fighting to have their voices heard.

Esquire

Maeve turns her wise eye toward our culture in witty, relatable essays.

Good Housekeeping

Higgins is funny. So funny you will laugh multiple times while reading each of these essays, replete with uncanny imagery and off-the-wall situations.... Higgins expertly threads important social commentary amid the hilarity. Maeve in America is a satisfying essay collection that is as stimulating as it is funny. Its a great book to read and then to give to a friend.

Refinery29

Wickedly funny... with incisive humor and deep humility... Higgins has the rare gift of being able to meaningfully engage with politics and social ills while remaining legitimately funny.

Publishers Weekly (starred review)

Maeve Higgins is brilliant; but her brilliance isnt the braggy, headlight kind that tries to trap her subjects deer-like in a cold, dead glare. Instead, she lights every room she enters with warmth, welcome, and generous rays of sheer funny.

John Hodgman, bestselling author of Vacationland

Maeve Higgins is easily one of my favorite, most treasured comedic voices. She is one of those rare artists who makes her unique point of view relatable and refreshing, leaving you feeling like youve been on the same page with her your whole life.

Kristen Schaal

PENGUIN BOOKS

TELL EVERYONE ON THIS TRAIN I LOVE THEM

Maeve Higgins is a writer whose work appears regularly in The New York Times, The New York Review of Books, and The Guardian (London). A New Yorker originally from Ireland, she is an NPR favorite and hosts a live comedy show each week in Brooklyn. In 2020, her starring role in the comedy-horror movie Extra Ordinary garnered acclaim around the world. Maeves long-term goal is to own a donkey or two.

ALSO BY MAEVE HIGGINS

Maeve in America

PENGUIN BOOKS An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC penguinrandomhousecom - photo 2

PENGUIN BOOKS

An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

penguinrandomhouse.com

Copyright 2022 by Maeve Higgins

Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

library of congress cataloging-in-publication data

Names: Higgins, Maeve, author.

Title: Tell everyone on this train I love them: essays / Maeve Higgins.

Description: [New York] : Penguin Books, [2022] |

Identifiers: LCCN 2021044071 (print) | LCCN 2021044072 (ebook) | ISBN 9780143135869 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9780525507444 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Higgins, Maeve. | Women comediansUnited StatesBiography. | Women comediansIrelandBiography. |

IrishUnited StatesBiography. | Conduct of lifeHumor.

Classification: LCC PN2287.H496 A3 2022 (print) | LCC PN2287.H496 (ebook) | DDC 824/.92dc23/eng/20211101

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021044071

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021044072

Cover illustration by Ilya Millstein

Designed by Sabrina Bowers, adapted for ebook by Shayan Saalabi

pid_prh_6.0_139089994_c0_r0

Amor mundiwarum ist es so schwer, die Welt zu lieben?

Love of the worldwhy is it so difficult to love the world?

Hannah Arendt

Contents
Lean on Me

My most fervent wish during the COVID-19 pandemic was twofold. One, that it end. Two, that it not impart any damn lessons. I cant stand when horrible and senseless things happen and people insist on finding some neat takeaway to make sense of it all. Despite my resistance to learning anything from this nasty demon of a virus, it did help crystallize one thing for me. Youll snort when you hear, because its incredibly obvious. My realization was this: I really, really, REALLY need my friends. No man is an island; we all know this. Although for many years of my childhood I thought the expression was No man is in Ireland and it confused me greatly, particularly when said by a man in Ireland, but I still nodded wisely when I heard it. So true, no man is in Ireland, I would agree, my little eyes darting around in confusion.

I have one brother and six sisters, you see, and the thing about my siblings is that they count as friends too. I had no idea what that meant for my friendships with people who are not related to me until my friend Claudia told me exactly what it meant. You dont really need friends because you have your family, she said. Oh, I doubt thats true, I told her, knowing in an instant it was true. I was worried Id hurt her feelings if I confirmed it. She smiled, knowing me well enough to spot a lie. Its fine, Maeve, its not a bad thing.

I wasnt always best friends with my siblings, certainly not as a child. I had running battles with both my older sister and my closest-in-age younger sister. My older sister was a stealth bomber, quieter and cleverer than I. When my family took a day trip to Midleton, a town thirty minutes drive away, they accidentally left me behind. That day we spent a long time in a carpet shop. I was about six and I didnt notice the rest of my family leaving, immersed as I was in the swirling floral rugs of the 1980s. When I did notice, I couldnt believe it. I remember walking around the shop, through the long swinging halls of hanging carpet, unable to comprehend that they were all gone. Just like that, all those siblings and both parents had vanished. Because we were in the same classroom in the same school growing up, and we only really went on playdates together to cousins houses, Id never been without a family member before in my life. I decided to stand very still and hope nobody noticed me, convinced I would get in trouble with the shop owner for being there alone. Nobody noticed my presence in the shop, or my absence in the car. Well, eventually they did, otherwise I wouldnt be writing this book; Id be the heiress to a rug fortune, having no doubt been adopted by the Carpet King of Midleton. As my family pulled into the driveway after a successful outing (no money spent, three hours passed, zero fights in the backseat) my mother realized I wasnt there. Wheres Maeve? she asked. My nine-year-old sister replied, a little too calmly, Oh, Maeve? Shes back at the carpet shop. As if I was her interior designer and shed left me there with her credit card to pick up a rug she was too busy to select.

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