Megan Reid - $9 Therapy: Semi-Capitalist Solutions to Your Emotional Problems

DEDICATED TO THE SANCTUM

&

IN MEMORY OF BEANS

Contents

W e wanted to write a book that takes self-care seriously without taking itself too seriously.

Yes, eventually you will need to take a shower, brush your teeth, and pull yourself together so that you at least RESEMBLE a normal human. But let us mildly misinterpret journalist and bestselling author Dan Harris for a moment: we think that sometimes spending nine dollars or less on an act of self-care will make you a fraction happier. And thank God that usually that fraction is all you need to turn your day around.

$9 Therapy is a collection of our favorite ways to brighten up a daywithout worrying your bank account.

We met while working our first, seemingly prestigious, but literally below-minimum-wage jobs out of school. Trust us, we are not eager to relive our days of scrounging for quarters to buy vending-machine instant ramen. But this time did teach us an appreciation of little things (like a friend with five cents to spare, for example), and we emerged from our twenties with a firm belief in the radical power of simple pleasures. We learned the value of mindfully repotting a plant that was sure to wither in two weeks, selecting a (potentially haunted) painting off the curb, or finally drinking from a decent wineglasseven if we could afford only one.

As you can tell, this is not quite a guide to getting your shit together. Were still working on that... and also, isnt hegemony kind of super boring? But the hacks and mini-upgrades in this book are about making your life simpler. More stylish. Better organized. Making you feel comfortable in your home. Relaxed in your workplace. A tiny bit more Zen when youre meeting someone for the first time or trying a new thing. Youll find easy recipes and projects to fill a depressing afternoon when you really CANNOT EVEN.

Dont get us wrong: we completely believe in the value of actual, professional therapy. Not all kinds are for everyone, but we know that therapy is more than just self-care. Both of us have found it essential not just for our emotional lives, but for our physical and intellectual ones as well. There are no quick fixes.

But, in a world where everything from weed to journaling to near-starvation diets fall under the self-care heading, we can at least reframe therapeutic choices as something fun that wont break the bank. In this book, we want to share some tricks that make life a little bit easier, a little bit less stressful, a little bit better, a little more loving toward ourselves and the humans around us.

Our tips are a mix of quick pointers and ideas that need a little bit more explaining. To get a sense of the kinds of hacks we get REALLY excited about, flip to the essays were calling Letters of Recommendation. You know how the best thing to mock about self-important lifestyle gurus is their single-minded conviction that they know All the Best Things Ever That They Just Cant Help But Share in Great Enthusiastic Detail? Yup, were like that too... except about consensual no-strings sex and friends who are witches and Joan Didion.

That said, theres no wrong way to use this book, whether you read it all the way through or skip around to the beauty recipes or staycation itineraries that get you off. You were smart enough to pick this upyoure smart enough to figure out how to make this shit work for you.

We know consumerism wont solve all your problemsbecause, like, late capitalism IS the problem. Packing a perfect suitcase and drinking filtered water wont change your life. But if spending nine bucks helps you get started toward happier living?

Thats not a bad deal.

H eres some advice weve gotten from other self-help books:

Eat Organic. With what trust fund?

Watch a High School Play. Sounds triggering, tbh.

Hire a Personal Trainer. We have been scamming ourselves into gym student discount trials since the day we graduated.

Get Biofeedback Analysis. Actually, this is a great reminder to schedule a dentist appointment....

Lie in the Light of the Full Moon. Does a happy lamp count?

All of this sounds greatreally!but its just not realistic for us... or, like, anyone on a budget that isnt infinite.

So maybe...

• You have a foam roller, but not a subscription to an infrared sauna.
• You live somewhat cheaply, but also enjoy the good life.
• You follow Instagram accounts with aspirational aesthetics and have been known to shamelessly swipe a discarded bookcase from the curb and paint it Scandinavian white. (If not, by the end of the book, you will totally want to.)
• Youre quite willing to spend money on yourself, but still havent super-duper started a 401(k).
• You want to see yourself with the trappings of adulthood, like kids, careers, degrees... or maybe just a dog and West Elm furniture... but you recognize that capitalism is literally out to make us feel miserable about ourselves.
• You realllllly dont want to break a twenty on anything other than happy hour.
• You only want to make things youll ACTUALLY use.
• You take mental health seriously, but also realize that its a little weird that we talk to our analysts more often than our parents.
• You snark about #selfcare, but realize that, heywe need it to keep going in a world that devalues our identities.
• In short... it us. And we bet its you, too.

Two words: happy lamps.

Its totally okay to create an office persona. Youre a fucking sparkly perfect soul of a human already, of course, but with apologies to every work wife weve ever had, theres something very attractive about keeping a line between your nine-to-five and five-to-nine lives. Besides helping you cultivate an aura of unflappable cool, staying tight-lipped will often endear you to your coworkers more than baring your soul. Literally no one at your retail job cares that you drunk texted your neighbor at 3 a.m., so stop talking about it.

And not to be too much of a fake, but drawing a veil over your after-hours hours can also help you try out being the self-actualized person you want to be. Spice up your space like youre the high-flying creative/intellectual/financial/service-oriented CEO you want to be. Pin up a printout of fitness classes from the closest overpriced studiono one has to know you havent taken your ass to the gym in six months. Frame a photo of the dog youre totally going to get when your tax refund comes in. Youll look so together that maaaybe no one will notice you definitely spilled half a Manhattan on the quizzes you were supposed to be grading.

Put an air plant in a company mug.

Management theory holds that organizations are much more successful when they focus on what their missions are. The takeaway for you? The most important part of prioritization is figuring out what youre not going to do. That could be as simple as logging out of Facebook so your entire afternoon isnt spent scrolling. Or it could be setting a goal with your manager that you are no longer in charge of unjamming the photocopier. Once you realize what you can do without in the workplace (whether thats shutting down Outlook and Slack every day while you eat your sad desk salad, streamlining check request workflow, or cutting off that coworker who recaps