R. A. Feller - Poems & Scraps for Healing & Growth

Poems & Scraps
for
Healing & Growth by R. A. Feller 2005 R. A. Feller. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. First published by AuthorHouse 02/28/05 ISBN: 1-4208-3115-1 (sc) ISBN: 9781463473402 (ebk) Printed in the United States of America Bloomington, Indiana Edited by: Nancy Metzger Flack 371 Camp Rockhill Road Quakertown, P.A. 18951 Contents Special thanks to Dawn, Susan, Nancy and Mike, for allowing God to reflect images into my sight within His very true light. This book is dedicated to those whod let God rest in their wounded heart and bring about healing. These poems and scrap insights were written while falling in and out of unhealthy love relationships. These were writtin at a time when I was in patterns of thinking where I made mostly poor choices which caused me harm.

Throughout many years my writing has been a part of my healing process. It has taken me through abusive and other kinds of patterns that Ive encountered as a part of my growth. Upon watching the reactions of other people in response to my poetry, I soon discovered it was very powerful. In fact, it was a gift from God; Hes enabled me to perceive things the way most cannot. Christ has been teaching me how to look before I leap. He has sustained me with His precious grace and has proven the character of His true pattern to be a practical guide for me.

I wrote these lessons down and now having learned to pass through the sufferings of life, Im found a little wiser. It is within the sweet reality of Gods warm love, which hangs from His truth, that Ive found an atmosphere to promote healing; as honey from the honeycomb it only awaits for a souls sweet embrace. I have broken this book up into three sections. Part one was written eleven years ago and reflects my earlier walk with God; part two eleven years later, reveals a more mature and stronger Spirit, but in either stage growing through the pain is very prevalent. Part three was written as I learned to face the tide of an abusive pattern in unhealthy relationships Ive encountered, as disclosed thus far. Throughout these sections there is much to identify and connect with; for the Lord has been my source of strength and He remains true to the Spirit found within His word.

I pray that these poems will minister to you as a most useful strengthening tool at any season you might find yourself in. Getting in touch with the Spirit of thought behind this writing has brought much joy and has been a great help to me. May these words bring you towards the light and add to the meaning of your life as well. Award winners A tear drippedA. From the bottom of my eye, Down the cheek It seemed to travel endlessly As I watched it fall from the bottom of my chin. Another tear got on line to leave and I asked it, Why? It had no answer.

It was only there. It was only a tear. Tears flowedB. as I cried At its best it was mean at its worst it was death. The anger burned inside Out through my eyes. Yet I was powerless within myself there was nothing I could do.

As I cried out the blood flowed, aloud I cried out, everywhere was splotches of red as the blood dripped it collected a puddle royal red upon the floor From out of the puddle a lion arose sent forth into battle where I could not go. Now I was calm as I put forth my trust, I rested my head where I thought I would bust. The victorys mine for I gave Him my load As He carries me through I know I will grow. From My First Book Im not ready for life, still in badly-needed repair forced to go on no relief, falling apart moves downed low energy operation, rest so far away. Wheres my help? Oh how weve danced by the light of the flame. I looked at you, you looked at me The love of a dance by the light of a flame I entered in and I stretched out my hands.

I bid you to come and to burn in the flame, you backed away somewhere into the night. Then you were gone no longer my song. Now I do stand in the light of His flame ever to burn Yet Im not consumed. Still in my mind as youve faded to night. Though I do burn makes it hard to see the light. Being rebuilt takes oh so much time.

Though I do stand How Im running my mind. Now Im learning to close to the things that I see and watch as the flame has its way within me. I am engulfed I watch as I burn my senses renewed as I rest in the flame. I see the fire burn in my eyes my space is enlarged as I now know thy name. When one person lives their life through another as their OWN lifes source, to feel centered in their decision making, they think through the eyes of this other person because of their insecurities. If love and truth do not come together here (to bring light to a situation) then were going to continue to have a perception that is warped through poor choices.

There will be no seeing eye to eye for effectual communication. For here we will try to find our way in the dark by looking for light in the reality of another. Then when making decisions we think that weve arrived when we have not. Here a door is left open for poor boundaries and bad choices, for falsehood can easily be mistaken as the truth. A bad pattern is a heritage which keeps on teaching the insanity that being a less than whole person is okay. God meets us where we are at first; and then by His grace He reveals to us that He accepts us for who we are, just as we are.

We are found being able to be led from this starting point. Where we were less than whole we both promoted and cultivated a reality that was left off balance; one where we were not capable of viewing life correctly. One person gets destroyed by another because they let them. The root cause of this stems from the confusion of making choices due to a damaged line of reasoning. An outlook from the dark puts limitations on life as well. Only a relationship with the most qualified God will allow us sight into the truth, as to be able to love ourselves to health through a light relationship with Himself.

Then are we able to gain sight to become more aware. With space for a fresh perspective we grow to move onto a plateau where we can really see how things are. Our new plain of sight in our line of reasoning then ripples out into all our other relationships as well. Part One Here now are some of my struggles on my journey towards sanity, which most consider to be lots of poems. Ive packed my bags#1 and have left our home my suitcase full of emotions is no longer yours to own. You said you want out so out you go Ill not share my life with you which you want to control and now let me alone.

You ask me how Im doing and you say that your my friend now youre no longer a part of my life complete How do I view you? without my love and support as now I just see you for all your faults Theres no longer mine just only yours Not being able for now Im unstable Catch me Lord and hold me through my pain heal me at the end of self and keep me by Your grace. Passive aggressive behavior causes us not to look at our own problems and keeps us in the darkness from which Christ came to bring us out. Here we think denial of a problem is an easier way out, but it only keeps us tied into the oppression of the dark. This is where there is no light of the truth for free rational thinking. Distortions of our perception then interfere with our ability to have healthy relationships. Only Gods light of love can expose these denial-based walls.

He gradually melts them away with His gentleness of love for those who will receive it. There is pain from being separated from Gods love and not knowing Him. Unfortunately, people try other things which are lacking in substance to bring satisfaction. We put up walls of resentment as to justify our position also. Expending our energy to keep the veil up to blot out all light, which includes not having to face our pain. And in our futile attempts to fight off that which is unseen, a real solution remains seemingly elusive.