Terry Anne Wilson - Monday Morning Emails: Six Months, Twelve Countries, a Thousand Thoughts--Two Mothers Share the Journey of Living a Global Life

First published in 2018 by Summertime Publishing

Copyright Summertime Publishing 2018

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publishers prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

ISBN 978-1-909193-98-7

Designed by creationbooth.com

Edited by Joshua Parfitt and Ginny Philps

Proofread by Paddy Hartnett

Cover concept by The Wilsons

Cover images by iStockphoto and Trixie Pacis

Letter graphic by Shutterstock.com

To Bruce, Ian, Sam, Luke, Joshua, Matt and
Andrew for sharing the journey.

We would not have had it any other way.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

We have many people to thank for their help with this book, first and foremost, our families. Although we were hopeful they would encourage our vision of writing so frankly, we are grateful they agreed to support us in sharing our family experiences. It is a challenge to be vulnerable, open and honest, when so many of us work hard at creating an outer persona in the way we dress, with our homes and lifestyle, even our social media presence. Yet we recognised that a warts-and-all, take-us-as-you-find-us truthfulness would be necessary if we were to achieve our goal that of inspiring, supporting, and helping others who may be experiencing the same issues.

Without the help of our eight wonderful experts, Becky Grappo, Ruth Van Reken, Ellen Mahoney, Amanda Graham, Nell Smith, Lesley Lewis, Ian Moody and Colleen Reichrath-Smith, we would not have come close to that goal. We thank them for their patience and working with a tight deadline when submitting their expert, insightful advice. We are inordinately grateful for their support of our project and how they embraced it.

We also thank the team who put the book together. Joshua Parfitt and Ayla Slanina for reviewing the entire manuscript. To all of our guys who offered support, editorial advice, and to the Wilson clan for book design concept. Ginny Philps for editing and production. Graham Booth for design/ layout and Jack Scott for pressing the final buttons that make the book available for sale in print and digital formats worldwide.

Lastly, we are thankful for this opportunity as friends and as writers. Monday became a treasured day we still miss opening our laptops, reading our letter and creating our heartfelt responses. Yes, most definitely, we encourage the healing and the joy of writing!

Jo Parfitt and Terry Anne Wilson, The Hague and Bangalore, January 2018

Many years ago, Jo read a book called Writing in a Convertible with the Top Down by Christi Killien and Sheila Bender. The book, part memoir and part inspiration for writers, comprised a series of letters penned between the two friends. Written from their homes in different parts of the US, Jo loved how open and honest the writers had been. Impressed with how they discussed the issues they faced as writers and as mothers, Jo dreamed of writing her own Convertible one day.

In 2009 her eldest son left for university in London, while Jo, her husband Ian and their youngest son, stayed in The Hague. Two years later and now with both boys away, Jos nest was empty. Throwing herself headlong into working 10hour days along with a complete house renovation, the result was a burnout. A year later Jo and Ian moved to Malaysia while the boys remained in Europe. Joshua, the eldest, quit university and nine months later had a breakdown. Jo blamed herself. Isnt that a natural response for a parent? Perhaps it was because the boys were Third Culture Kids (TCKs), or was it because she and Ian had moved at a critical time? Or was it that they had not provided a family home in their passport country of England? As time went on, the challenge of an empty nest and many more issues associated with global living (but not exclusive to it) assumed greater and greater significance.

In March 2017 at the Families in Global Transition (FIGT) Conference in The Hague, Jo put together a forum on the Expat Empty Nest. Terry Anne Wilson, Becky Grappo, Ellen Mahoney and Ruth Van Reken sat on the panel. With a packed turnout, everyone in the room was in agreement that this was a significant topic, yet many other pertinent issues were raised. The panel agreed that they wanted to be involved in some way, but how?

Just before the conference that March, Jo and Ian had relocated to The Hague, while Terry Anne had been living in Bangalore for one year. On a Skype call they discussed ways forward, bouncing ideas back and forth but nothing felt quite right. It can be like that with a book, but then you just know in your gut when you hit on the right idea. Sometimes you never reach that pivotal moment. But that day in late April as Jo sat on the pale blue Ikea sofa in the living-dining-office-kitchen of their tiny transit apartment, she had an idea.

What if we just wrote each other emails? she suggested and watched the screen.

Terry Anne seated at her desk in her Bangalore apartment, ethereal aqua painting on the wall behind her, didnt miss a beat. I like that. And theres no question we both have so much to share.

Ill write to you once a week, say on a Monday, and you reply the following Monday, Jo offered.

Well call them our Monday Morning Emails, Terry Anne continued. I think its a great idea!

But are you alright with being vulnerable? Jo asked. This must be truthful. She realised it was a lot to ask, but knew that if this was to work, honesty and vulnerability were key.

Things fell into place as the months went on, as the emails revealed more and more. What began as an expatriate empty nest project became more involved over time as the discussion grew organically. Vital, heartfelt issues arose: parenting Adult Third Culture Kids (ATCKs), mental health, retirement dilemmas, ageing parents, identity, career, self-care and more. Jo and Terry Anne then asked their expert panellists to comment and add their professional advice.

The result is Monday Morning Emails. The book is indeed honest, and true.

This book is a combination of personal emails and expert opinions that address the pertinent subjects discussed within the correspondence. Also included are highly valuable methodologies and tools to help readers understand and embrace expatriate challenges, and a rich bibliography of further reading and resources.

We have specifically placed the majority of the expert advice in a separate section so as to avoid interrupting the flow of the emails. We hope that, according to need and mood, readers may enjoy the book as either a poetic and descriptive novel, a reference guide, and/ or a working manual to help them better understand and thrive within the expatriate adventure.

Monday, May 1, Babylon Toren, The Hague, The Netherlands

Dear Terry Anne,

Its funny how knowing that we were going to start a weekly email correspondence filled me with anticipation. I have always loved writing letters. I had pen pals when I was young. Marie-Laurence, then Marie-Pierre in France, Anne-Marie in Finland, Tini in Germany and Tom in America. During the school holidays, I would write to my friends and send postcards. When university friends moved away to start their lives I wrote to them often, wherever they lived in the world. When Ian moved to Dubai after we had been dating for a year, I lovingly wrote to him. And when in 1997 Ian and I married and I joined him in Dubai, my mother and I kept up a weekly correspondence, first by letter, then by fax, then email, and now rather pathetically by WhatsApp. More often, sure, but our messages are short, devoid of emotion and though we ping back and forth, can hardly be called conversations.